The White Whale

Apparently....

2010-07-19T15:50:00.003-04:00

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Well, that's what this thing says anyway. I used three different blog entries and got three different answers. I also got H.P. Lovecraft and Dan Brown as possible matches.

The funny thing is that I have only read two Dan Brown books and a half of a Stephen King book.

AFI 100 Review: #98 Unforgiven

2010-07-16T06:03:00.008-04:00

Unforgiven

1992

Directed By: Clint Eastwood

Written By: David Webb Peoples

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, Richard Harris, Jaimz Woolvett

The Acting: This film has some real heavy hitters and you get just what you would expect from such a lineup. Gene Hackman won an Oscar for his performance here as a real son-of-a-bitch former outlaw gunslinger turned lawman. He's as mean as a rattler and likes to have fun with his prey, but that's not really a surprise. This isn't new ground but Hackman performs well and is enjoyable in a sadistic kind of way.

Morgan Freeman also performs well. He's the former son-of-a-bitch outlaw gunslinger turned farmer, as he states himself when we are first introduced to him. This part isn't really a stretch for him either. It actually reminds me of his character in Seven.

And, of course, there's Clint Eastwood as another former son-of-a-bitch outlaw gunslinger turned farmer. He plays the torment well, here, as he slowly slides out of his decent life as a farmer and back into his old ways of killin'.

Richard Harris makes a brief entry into the narrative. But as one review I read commented, he really doesn't do anything to move the story along. If anything he's just enjoyable as a still son-of-a-bitch outlaw gunslinger who espouses at length how much better the English do everything.

All the other players do well, including the one that plays the young gunslinger wannabe. But I can't remember seeing him in anything after this movie so his career must have floundered after this film.

Interesting: What's interesting to me about this story is the complete lack of discussion about a moral standard. Everyone's on the line here. The whores that band together to raise the bounty for the cowboys that cut up one of their own? They hire men to kill other men. Surely the woman was wronged, but is it deserving that the two should pay with their lives? The pair that did the cutting? Well, one of them seems like a decent boy caught up in something he wanted no part in. He is genuinely sorry and tries to make amends. The hired killers? Well, they hear it that the cowboys did much more horrible things to the prostitute than were actually committed. They know what they're doing isn't necessarily right, but this is all business so it's okay, right? The lawmen? Violent and cruel, but there is law and order in the town.

Now, we could debate all of these points and how I have simplified many of the elements of this story. But I think we can all agree that this film takes no position on right or wrong. In fact, Clint's character himself agrees with the following exchange:

The Schofield Kid: "Yeah, well, I guess they had it coming."

Will Munny: "We all got it coming, kid."

Cultural Impact: All of the reviews for this film speak of a eulogy for the Western film. That this movie was an excellent bookend for the genre. They also speak of the significance of the similarities between Eastwood's career and the arc of the character. I won't cover all of that here as you can read those reviews for yourself. But does any of that matter?

When I was in school, I had to present a short film that I had made. Prior to starting the film I stood in front of the class and began to explain what my intentions were when I set out to make this movie. The teacher stopped me mid-sentence and asked a very simple question: "Mr. Voorhies, do you intend to be in every theater in the country and explain what you intended before they show your films, should you become successful?" I immediately got his point. What I intended didn't amount to a hill of beans. The film had to stand on itself.

Now, that shouldn't be confused with anything that the audience projects on the film themselves. It's the difference between Eastwood intending this film as a eulogy for the Western genre and the audience getting to that conclusion on their own. Obviously the two can't be completely separated. The director does have some ability to imply and suggest. But all too often the audience comes to a completely different conclusion.

Take, for instance, The Thing From Another World and it's remake The Thing. The first was intentionally a allegory for McCarthyism. But the second became an allegory for the beginning of the AIDs epidemic when the audience noticed things about the film that the filmmakers never intended. (I wrote a blog entry on this here.)

Anyway, I don't see this film as culturally impacting. I don't consider it a eulogy for the Western since eleven years after this film was released my third favorite Western of all time was released: Open Range.

Does This Film Belong On My List: No, I don't think so. There are some really great moments here. But that doesn't make a great film.

AFI 100 Review: #99 Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

2010-07-10T22:31:00.009-04:00

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

1967

Directed by: Stanley Kramer

Written by: William Rose

Starring: Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn, Sydney Poitier, Katherine Houghton, Cecil Kellaway, Beah Richards, Roy E. Glenn

The Acting: I've never liked Katherine Hepburn. Her voice to me is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Here, she was as close to me liking her as I've ever been. Her performance was almost understated and most of what I didn't like here could be blamed on the character of the story.

But Spencer Tracy is the real revelation for me here. I've seen him in many of his older films, but none of his later films. As this was the case, I recognized his portrayal as Karl from "Up." Even so, he really is marvelous. I like that he's surly and pragmatic. His character is sincerely concerned with the physical abuse that the couple faces. (Incidentally, this was his last as he died seventeen days after filming was completed. His health was failing and he knew he was going to die soon. So his acting here, coupled with the fact that he so clearly agrees with the film's message, takes on a heightened sense of poignancy.)

Sidney Poitier does a great job as well. I must admit my only other real exposure to him in film is in Shoot To Kill. But here, he is reserved and very in control. He plays this perfectly giving the audience and the other characters of the story no reason to object to the union other than race.

Cultural Impact: Well, this movie is designed to be culturally significant. It's the whole reason for its being. All parties set out to make a point. This movie was released in 1967 and there couldn't have been a more ripened time for it to hit the population. This film ends with a speech (a good one at that) that explains why Spencer Tracy was wrong to think as he did. And it's delivered to convince the audience as well. But I don't believe anyone went to see this film that didn't agree with it before they entered the theatre. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not giving film the power it deserves, but I've always considered film to be a medium that best nudges society in directions. There really isn't anything subtle about this film in the end.

Does It Belong On My List: I want to say "yes," based on the importance of the subject matter. But as I stated before, I don't think this movie convinced anyone that wasn't already in agreement. So how culturally significant was it? Maybe there is significance in the fact that the film was made by a major movie studio with major players. Maybe that's an accomplishment in itself. But in the end I have to say, "no."

AFI 100 Review: #100 Yankee Doodle Dandy

2010-07-10T21:41:00.005-04:00

Yankee Doodle Dandy

1942

Directed by: Michael Curtiz

Written by: Robert Buckner, Edmund Joseph, Julius J. Epstein, Philip G. Epstein

Starring: James Cagney, Joan Leslie, Walter Huston, Richard Whorf

I have to admit, I really didn't want to watch this one. I had no idea what it was about so that really doesn't make sense. It's number 100 on the American Film Institute's list of the greatest movies of all time so that is where I started with my Netflix. It arrived and then sat next to the television for over two months. Paula finally sent it back assuming that I wouldn't watch it, but I was duty bound. And as if the universe was Hell bent on helping me on my way, Turner Classic Movies featured it for July 4th this year.

What I liked: Honestly? Not much. This really isn't my kind of movie. Not that I don't like musicals, because I do. This is a biography but it seems like one that tries to include too much. What you get is almost a skimming of the story. There was a little bit of comedy that I found appealing. I can distinctly remember at one point saying "That's funny." The bad thing is that I don't remember what it was so it couldn't have been life changing or anything.

The Acting: Cagney won an Academy Award for this, but he always just seems like Cagney to me. No, he's not the gangster on top of the world, but he's still Cagney. Sometimes that works (see John Wayne) but it doesn't work for me with Cagney.

The Music: This is a musical and there are a few full music numbers featured. None of them really struck me. As it happens, I really don't like the title song.

Cultural Impact: I bet this is pretty neat stuff to anyone who wants to know more about the life of George M. Cohan. But I don't. Yeah, the movie was released in 1942 not long after the United States entered the war. But there isn't really anything patriotic about this movie for me. Perhaps it reinforces the American Dream and perhaps that's what some of us were fighting for. I guess I like my patriotism a little more blatant and over the top.

Does It Belong On My List: Nope.

Why Does Home Depot Hate Me?

2010-04-29T21:35:00.004-04:00

So I've got a weed growing rampant in all of the pine straw beds. If you remember I put out 75 bales of pine straw a few weeks ago.

Well, I've got this thing about weeds where I have to know what their official name is so that I can curse them correctly. I took pictures of the weed with my phone and headed off to Hastings Nursery on Peachtree Road in Brookhaven. You see, Hastings is a very expensive nursery but one where you can count on getting quality advice and counsel.

Or so I thought. The dude that helped me ended up telling me that what I had was a "wild geranium." That was his diagnosis after he couldn't find the weed in the weed book. But seeing as how that didn't seem right I tried searching on the internet again (after a completely fruitless search earlier.)

That's when I found this. It's basically an online encyclopedia of weeds. You tell it a few things about your weed using drop down menus and it gives you pictures of the weeds that fit your description.

So what I have is not called "damn weed." That's what I've been calling it but its actual name is Galium Aparine, otherwise known as Catchweed Bedstraw. But here's the rub: IT DOESN'T GROW IN GEORGIA!

This weed is only found in the West. So that means only one thing is possible: THAT DAMN PINE STRAW THAT HOME DEPOT SOLD ME CAME FROM OUT WEST AND HAD CATCHWEED BEDGRASS SEEDS IN IT!!

Why does Home Depot hate me?

What I Learned While In Manhattan

2010-04-26T00:41:00.004-04:00

These are a few of the things I learned while on our Eleventh Wedding Anniversary celebrating our Tenth Anniversary:

1. To be a New Yorker is to be unimpressed with everything. (For exception see #10)

2. New Yorkers don't look up, even when presented with some of the most amazing buildings man has created.

3. Taxi car horns are a language in and of themselves.

4. The subway is really easy to use, but the subway station, specifically Grand Central, is really difficult to get out of.

5. There is a Lego version of the Empire State Building for sale but not the Chrysler Building. And it doesn't matter how many different places you go to ask.

6. The island of Manhattan is much longer than I imagined.

7. A mini-fridge with ice-maker in your hotel room sounds like a good idea until you realize that everyone before you has been digging ice out with their hands as well.

8. It's against the law in New York for taxi cab drivers to wear seat belts.

9. New Yorkers are friendly and helpful.

10. To gain entry to the Museum of Modern Art you must shuffle your feet at all times and be impressed with a fluorescent light leaning against a wall or a large canvas painted red.

11. The view from the top of the Empire State Building is THAT impressive.

12. The manager and staff at the Empire State Building are very helpful.

13. Dave the tour guide on the double decker bus will gladly inject his feelings about Rudolph Giuliani and Donald Trump into your tour.

14. Bloom's Deli on the corner of Lexington and 40th makes a mean BLT.

15. Central Park is very popular on Saturday afternoons.

16. It's harder to find the Cash Cab than it looks on television.

17. The Statue of Liberty is very small when viewed from the southern tip of Manhattan.

18. Tap water in Manhattan tastes great.

19. Everyone in New York walks and consequently there really aren't many overweight people.

20. Times Square is impressive for the first five minutes you're there.

Photo Caption Contest: The Awards Show

2010-04-26T00:10:00.004-04:00

So, our return to this format was a little disappointing. What seemed like a picture sure to inspire clever comments didn't really. But, every contest has a winner so.....

First Place

Jeremy Frye with "Little Timmy, six, wants one day to get married, but as he looks on at this bizarre ritual, even he can see the symbolism. The groom desperately clings to what little of the power hasn't been wrestled away from him by the bride, as she dutifully saws through his log."

Once again, Jeremy has managed to capture what I was aiming for but missed. He has locked onto the problems of gender roles within marriage and added a strong dose of emasculation.

Minus ten points for cutting off his hoo-hoo. Score = 90. (Give me a break here, we're working on a curve.)

Second Place

David Layman with "We'll call it 'Wonderboy!"' Simple and way off from where everyone else was. I give him points for using a quote from a movie I love. However, he didn't follow the rules of the assignment.

Minus 40 pints for violating the terms of the agreement. Score = 60.

Third Place

The White Whale with "Stop hogging the saw! It's like this every time. Honestly, you're just like your mother." Oh no you di'n't! That's right, we've invoked the "You're just like your mother" clause so early in the marriage the priest isn't even drunk on reception alcamahol yet.

Minus 90 points for giving yourself Third Place. Score = 10.

Photo Caption Contest

2010-03-26T17:16:00.003-04:00

So, it's been a really long time since we've done one of these. Hell, it's been a really long time since I've posted anything to this blog. So maybe we'll make this one pretty easy.

Here's your assignment: Write a caption for this photo as it would appear in Lifestyle section of the newspaper. The only restriction being to play nice since I found this in a friend's Facebook photos.

Brick By Brick

2009-08-23T22:47:00.002-04:00

I've decided to start back on my blog. I've been neglecting it for so long, no thanks to Facebook. I don't really have anything to say right now, but that will come. It's like the microphone on the headset I have to wear when I'm on the ladder. Having a microphone in front of your mouth just seems to draw stuff out.

So, making myself write on this blog again hopefully will lead to something productive.

The Arena at Gwinnett Center: It's People, Stupid.

2008-10-26T21:15:00.007-04:00

On the heels of the third installment of our fire safety reviews comes the fourth; a trip to the Arena at Gwinnett Center. Why so soon? Because we were there the night after we were at the EARL for our third review.

The Arena at Gwinnett Center
6400 Sugarloaf Parkway
Duluth, GA 30097
Capacity: 13,100
Visited On: October 25, 2008
Reason For Visit: Band-Weezer

What Could Burn: That's a tough question in a building this big. There really isn't much. In the seating area for concerts the seats themselves are the only real concern beside the stage. But the seats are probably required to be fire-resistive. (Note: There is no such thing as fire-proof. Everything will burn.) There are box seats in suites that probably have quite a bit of flammable furniture and other stuff. But on the whole - not much here to burn.

Egress: These kinds of buildings tend to be on the up and up. The elected officials and bureaucrats that are responsible for these things don't want 13,100 dead people on their hands so they are pretty strict. Buildings this size are expensive as hell so adding a little more cost for fire safety isn't really that much to ask.

These buildings are built to get people in an out quickly so there are plenty of exits to the lobby areas. But unlike our previous discussions about how people leave buildings in a panic this turns that argument on its ear.

In case you haven't read any of the other entries in this series, most people in a panic leave exactly the way they entered. This is exactly what happened at the Station Nightclub fire where 100 people died and 200 were injured. Fifty-eight of that 100 dead were found in the immediate vicinity of the front door even though there were other exits available. They piled up and were unable to get out ahead of a rapidly moving fire. It's truly horrible video if you see the full unedited tape.

Anyway, egress is a main concern of buildings the size of the Arena. That's what makes the complete absence of exit signs within the seating area so odd. I have to theorize that the exits aren't marked so that people will, contrary to what we think we want them to do, do what we know they will do. I think they are actually relying on people moving up the stairs the way they came in. If there were exit signs down near the floor area, for instance, it would be very possible that people would go that way. And in a building this big you risk getting lost. So going out the way you came in is actually a good idea.

Fire Protection: The building is sprinklered in the common areas and anywhere else the ceiling is a reasonable height. But in large open areas like the seating area sprinklers really aren't going to do you any good. The sprinkler head has to get up to a reasonably high temperature to activate. The area at the ceiling of an arena would have to be really hot over a large space to activate a sprinkler head. And this is only going to happen if the thing is rolling. And I mean rolling to the point that sprinklers wouldn't put the fire out at that point.

Miscellaneous: When we walked in the door we were immediately greeted by a haze in all of the lights of the lobby areas. Of course it was just the smoke effects for the band that was already playing, but it was funny nonetheless.

Overall: What can I say, it's really a pretty safe place from a fire safety standpoint. I give The Arena at Gwinnett Center an Above Average rating. The only real problem is the number of people that you're surrounded by. So as long as you keep your wits about you, you should be pretty safe. Just remain aware and vigilant.

The East Atlanta Restaurant and Lounge

2008-10-26T00:37:00.005-04:00

Welcome to my third installment of fire safety reviews of band venues in the Atlanta area. Our first two reviews took place in the same building, but we have moved to East Atlanta for our next review. We went to the E.A.R.L. to see the amazing Ben Kweller.

E.A.R.L.
488 Flat Shoals Ave.
East Atlanta, GA 30316
Capacity: 300?
Visited On: October 24, 2008
Reason For Visit: Band - Ben Kweller

What Could Burn: Well, in a word: everything. The EARL is in an older building in East Atlanta. It wouldn't surprise me if it was more than sixty years old. It is wood frame construction with only limited fire-resistive components (I wasn't able to inspect the walls but they might be cinder block.) The roof is wood with exposed rafters throughout the venue area. More importantly, the floor of the venue is wooden. Although I couldn't check it out at the time, there is a distinct possibility that this building has a basement or at least a crawl space based on this floor construction.

The prospect of there being a basement below is somewhat troubling; fire in the basement, floor collapse, etc. The building's age is a pro and a con at the same time. It's old and could come down any minute vs. it's old and has stood for sixty years so why would it come down now?

Egress: There are two ways out of the venue. The way you come in is through a door with a long hallway on the other side. At that side of the room there are actually two doors; one marked entrance and one exit. The problem here is that the entrance door swings in. In a panic it is very possible that people will try to go out the way they came in. And here we're talking not just the direction but the actual door. Paula actually made this mistake when we were leaving. The fact that the door swings open into the venue poses the problem that people will jam up against it then be unable to open it. It would be a simple thing to remedy but I don't know if anyone has realized the danger.

There is another exit on the other side of the room with the door near the front of the stage. As I mentioned in the last review I don't like having to go close to the stage to exit since that's where a fire is most likely to start. But this exit makes up for its proximity to the stage by being an oversized door. I think this is probably that way so that bands can load equipment a little easier, but it makes for a better exit. The door doesn't lead directly to the outside but from what I could see it's only a few feet to the exterior door.

Both exits from the venue are properly marked with lit signs and both are free from obstruction.

Fire Protection: The building isn't sprinklered probably due to the fact that it was built long before they became required. It is somewhat surprising that they aren't required when an older building changes uses as this one did when it became a bar. I realize that it does represent a substantial investment but it's not without merit.

Miscellaneous: I did locate a fire extinguisher near the rear exit. It was the only one I saw and probably was the only one in the room due to the fact that the standard for most occupancies is 75 ft of travel distance. That means that you can't have to walk more than 75 ft to the extinguisher from any point in the room. As usual I located the extinguisher and made mental plans for employing it in case of an emergency.

The room is pretty dark with the only real light coming from the stage area, but there really isn't any furniture or anything else for you to bump into.

This show was a non-smoking show so that takes away some of the possibility of an accidental fire but usually the EARL allows smoking...lots of smoking.

Overall: Well, the EARL is a nice place to see a show. I've seen a few bands there and it seems a lot of the bands I like like to play there. But from a fire safety standpoint I have to give the venue an average rating based on the type of construction and lack of a sprinkler system. I give them points for their exits and the fire extinguisher in the open, but it's not enough to totally ease my mind.

Which is really the point of all of these reviews. I'm not slanting my reviews to purposefully frighten people but it's really something that you should think about. Anytime you are in a structure with a lot of other people (many of whom are not necessarily thinking with all of their abilities) you need to plan your way out.

Vinyl Will Burn

2008-10-23T00:45:00.006-04:00

This post is the second in my series on fire safety at venues around Atlanta. I previously had reviewed The Loft after seeing Steel Train and The Hush Sound there. Well, once again the band is Steel Train but the venue has changed. But not so much. You see, Vinyl is located in the same building as The Loft.

Vinyl
1374 West Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Ga 30309
Capacity: 300
Visited On: October 22, 2008
Reason for Visit: Band - Steel Train

What Could Burn: Since Vinyl is located in the same building as The Loft we find the same type of construction. And as before we find that the danger is the contents, not the building itself. Vinyl is sparsely decorated, but there are portions that are cause for pause; specifically over the audience in front of the stage. Fabric has been attached to the ceiling in a kind of draping decoration. It's gathered in places and hangs in others. The problem with it is that it's above the sprinkler heads. If the fabric were to catch fire the heat from the fire would be above the sprinkler heads and wouldn't activate them. What's more, the smoke would probably be bad. It would choke and blind the patrons preventing them from finding the way out. Which leads us to...

Egress: There are three ways out of Vinyl. The first is the front door leading in off of the street. It's just a few steps down and not much of a worry. Except for the fact that the emergency exit sign is currently not working. So that leaves only the other two. The second exit is actually a hallway into another part of the building. It's also only a few feet from the front door, both of which are to the left of the stage. The third exit is located in a door to the right of the stage.

Now, three exits from this very small bar/venue sounds pretty generous, but the problem is that all of the exits are right around the stage. If the fire starts on the stage (a likelihood with all of that lighting) you would have to pass the fire to get out. There is no exit to the rear of the bar, which is pretty surprising. There are windows across the front of the building but these are also behind the stage which has its back to the street. So Vinyl doesn't really pass on my egress standard.

Fire Protection: Vinyl has sprinkler protection over every area that I could see which is great. But if you look closely at the front of the building you will note that the sprinkler connection is hidden behind some bushes that someone planted. That's right, the connection that the fire department hooks up to to assist the sprinkler system with putting the fire out is blocked with a bush. Now, I'm not saying the sprinkler system won't put the fire out by itself, but you're not supposed to hide the FDC (fire department connection) either.

Miscellaneous: I did see a fire extinguisher out in the audience area mounted on the wall which is somewhat out of the ordinary due to the fact that drunk people like to play with fire extinguishers. But having the extinguisher out where people like me can get to them could mean all the difference. I've often thought how different the Station fire would have been if someone had the presence of mind to grab a fire extinguisher and hit the fire on the ceiling once.

Darkness is also a factor in Vinyl although not as much as previously mentioned in my review of The Loft. Once again the only real light is the stage, but Vinyl does a better job with small lights sprinkled around areas of the ceiling.

Smoking is allowed and to some extent encouraged as someone came around and put an ashtray down in front of us. That of course is a danger.

Overall: Vinyl is very similar to The Loft in most respects. However, the lack of exits on the other side of the room is troubling. When comparing Vinyl so some of the other venues in Atlanta it comes out ahead, but I never got far away from the exits. As a matter of fact, when Steel Train took the stage I was right up front. Near the band. Near the exits.

A Legend

2008-10-05T22:38:00.005-04:00

Supposedly, Paul Newman once speculated that his epitaph would read, "Here lies Paul Newman, who died a failure because his eyes turned brown." That's pretty funny if it's a true story. But it never would have ended that way. Paul Newman was not a failure.

I was particularly saddened when I heard that he had died. I think I used the word "devastated" at one point. The news caught me by surprise. A friend said to me something to the effect of, "it's so sad that Paul Newman died." I, of course, hadn't heard.

I tried a few times to write something that adequately expressed my admiration for his work, but it always ended up sounding pathetic. I mean, you're talking about an actor that is a star of one of my favorite movies of all time (Road To Perdition), an actor whose brilliant performance played into me naming one of my children (Cool Hand Luke), and a person who by all accounts was a nice guy.

Then I saw the article by David Ansen in Newsweek. He hits it all just right and says everything I wanted to.

The Verdict: A Legend
by David Ansen
reprinted without permission from Newsweek magazine

When Paul Newman turned 70, I asked him about the pros and cons of aging. "What's difficult about getting old," he said, with that gravelly voice that set in in his 60s, "is remembering the way things used to be. There were such things as loyalty. The community hadn't disintegrated. The individual had not been deified at the expense of everything around him. I don't think that's just an old codger, you know, wishing for the old days. Goddam, they were better. There was a lot of ugliness, but there was a lot more grace." Newman, a modest man, would have been embarrassed to be told that he exemplified that grace, both on screen, where in his prime he played heels whom everyone fell in love with, and off, where his generosity, professionalism and decency were legendary.

Newman became a star playing Rocky Graziano in the 1956 black-and-white boxing saga "Somebody Up There Likes Me." But to get the full force of his matinee-idol presence, you had to see him—and those famous blue eyes—in color. The star of "The Long, Hot Summer," "Exodus," "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" and "Cool Hand Luke" was arguably the most beautiful man in an industry that revered beauty. Newman knew his stardom was built on that classic profile, that ripped, often-exposed torso, those eyes, and it tormented him. It wasn't who he wanted to be. He was a Method-trained character actor who longed to disappear inside his roles. Instead, his roles had a habit of disappearing inside the mythical creature named Paul Newman. "Paul Newman IS 'Hud'," ran the ad line for his classic 1963 Martin Ritt movie, and it was more true than the filmmakers intended. He was playing a selfish, womanizing Texas cad, the purported villain, but his charm and innate likability were so strong they threw the movie out of whack—and turned it into a big hit. Newman's specialty was the deeply flawed, morally tarnished American hero—Fast Eddie in "The Hustler," Chance Wayne in "Sweet Bird of Youth," the washed-up lawyer in "The Verdict," Sully in "Nobody's Fool"—who carried inside his sardonic heart the hint of redemption. In his most popular movies in the '60s and '70s—"Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," "The Sting"—he was a scamp, a con man, a rough-edged charmer. The devastating blue eyes had acquired a roguish twinkle.

The paradox of his career was that he became a great romantic icon playing characters who were usually incapable of love. With men he was a great buddy, partner in crime, leader of the pack. But you can count the love stories he made on the fingers of one hand. Unlike his friend and frequent costar Robert Redford, whose movies pivot on romance, Newman played antiheroes who were gun-shy, like Brick in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," who spends an entire movie rejecting Elizabeth Taylor's advances, or Fast Eddie, whose lover kills herself. In spite of that, his hustler proved so popular that he reprised the role in the 1986 "The Color of Money," and won an Oscar. It's hard to think of another star so beloved by both men and women who had such a dismal on-screen amatory track record. His most successful long-term relationship was with us.

Newman didn't just talk about the good old days; he walked the walk. In an era of cheap celebrity and promiscuous self exposure, he kept his personal demons to himself and approached whatever he took up with the tenacity of the long distance runner. His marriage to Joanne Woodward lasted 50 years. When he began racing, he became a world-class driver. An unreconstructed liberal, he marched for civil rights, steadfastly supported Democratic candidates and put his money into The Nation, the left-wing weekly, when it was threatened with extinction. His charitable efforts are well known. He started his Newman's Own food-products line as a lark with his friend A. E. Hotchner, and built it into an altruistic empire.

Everyone who knew Newman well describes him as intensely private. He was also famous for his elaborate practical jokes: he once had a Porsche crushed, beribboned and deposited on Redford's driveway. "I think my sense of humor is the only thing that keeps me sane," he told me in 1994. He was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood history, yet there wasn't a shred of the diva in him. I suspect he never felt he deserved his fame and fortune, and he refused to throw his weight around. Melanie Griffith, who worked with him in "Nobody's Fool," described him as "the best gentleman I've ever met in 30 years of movies." Such grace will be sorely missed.

Pop-up Videos Minus The Videos R.I.P.

2008-08-26T02:12:00.005-04:00

Well, I had originally intended my music videos on YouTube to initiate conversations about songs that I like. Instead, I received a plethora of comments using curse words that other users didn't take the time to spell correctly. A lot of the comments were mean or just plain ignorant. And the majority of the negative comments came from people who had themselves not posted a single video; their only contribution being their vitriol.

There were others who seemed to enjoy my videos and for that, I sincerely thank them.

But the problem was also the fact that services are now readily available on the internet to convert Flash video (such as YouTube) so that it may be saved. Thus, my postings of songs which I did not originally think could be used to cheat the artist out of a buck, were doing just that. The Gambler had hit around 45,000 viewings, which isn't a lot for YouTube, but it's enough when you think that half of those viewings might have been used to avoid paying to listen to the song. In other words, I cheated Kenny Rogers out of about $22,500. Sorry Kenny.

Sorry, Polyphonic Spree, The Decemberists, and Elton John. I meant no harm. My efforts were based in an honest appreciation for your art.

It's A Stereotype, Isn't It?

2008-08-25T23:03:00.014-04:00

I mean the movie Heathers used it to paint a picture of the mental state of a character. Really, is there anything more pretentious than quoting Moby Dick?

I finally gave in and joined Facebook. Part of creating my profile was to add "favorite quotes." I started thinking about all of my favorite quotes and quickly realized just how many of them come from this book. So, I figured I'd just add them as a post.

I realize most of you won't read all of them but give a few of them a look. If you feel like investing the time, I can tell you they are even better within the context of the entire book.

"Methinks we have hugely mistaken this matter of Life and Death. Methinks that what they call my shadow here on earth is my true substance."

"...even pirates and privateers, though following the sea as highwaymen the road, they but plunder other ships, other fragments of the land like themselves, without seeking to draw their living from the bottomless deep itself."

"Mark ye, be forewarned; Ahab's above the common; Ahab's been in colleges, as well as 'mong the cannibals; been used to deeper wonders than the waves; fixed his fiery lance in mightier stranger foes than whales. His lance! aye, the keenest and the surest that out of all our isle! Oh! he ain't Captain Bildad; no, and he ain't Captain Peleg; he's Ahab, boy; and Ahab of old, thou knowest, was a crowned king!"

"...and Heaven have mercy on us all - Presbyterians and Pagans alike - for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending."

"hear him, all of ye. Think of that! When every moment we thought the ship would sink! Death and the judgment then? What? With all three masts making such an everlasting thundering against the side; and every sea breaking over us, fore and aft. Think of Death and the Judgment then? No! no time to think about Death then. Life was what Captain Ahab and I was thinking of; and how to save all hands - how to rig jury-masts - how to get into the nearest port; that was what I was thinking of."

"The port would fain give succor; the port is pitiful; in the port is safety, comfort, hearthstone, supper, warm blankets, friends, all that's kind to our mortalities. But in that gale, the port, the land, is that ship's direst jeopardy; she must fly all hospitality; one touch of land, though it but graze the keel, would make her shudder through and through."

"But as in landlessness alone resides the highest truth, shoreless, indefinite as God..."

"Doubtless one leading reason why the world declines honoring us whalemen, is this: they think that, at best, our vocation amounts to a butchering sort of business; and that when actively engaged therein, we are surrounded by all manner of defilements. Butchers we are, that is true. But butchers, also, and butchers of the bloodiest badge have been all Martial Commanders whom the world invariably delights to honor. And as for the matter of the alleged uncleanliness of our business, ye shall soon be initiated into certain facts hitherto pretty generally unknown, and which, upon the whole, will triumphantly plant the sperm whale-ship at least among the cleanliest things of this tidy earth. But even granting the charge in question to be true; what disordered slippery decks of a whale-ship are comparable to the unspeakable carrion of those battle-fields from which so many soldiers return to drink in all ladies' plaudits? And if the idea of peril so much enhances the popular conceit of the soldier's profession; let me assure ye that many a veteran who has freely marched up to a battery, would quickly recoil at the apparition of the sperm whale's vast tail, fanning into eddies the air over his head. For what are the comprehensible terrors of man compared with the interlinked terrors and wonders of God!

But, though the world scouts at us whale hunters, yet does it unwittingly pay us the profoundest homage; yea, an all-abounding adoration! for almost all the tapers, lamps, and candles that burn round the globe, burn, as before so many shrines, to our glory!"

"...for a whale-ship was my Yale College and my Harvard."

"I will have no man in my boat," said Starbuck, "who is not afraid of a whale."

"Starbuck was no crusader after perils; in him courage was not a sentiment; but a thing simply useful to him, and always at hand upon all mortally practical occasions."

"Men may seem detestable as joint stock-companies and nations; knaves, fools, and murderers there may be; men may have mean and meagre faces; but man, in the ideal, is so noble and so sparkling, such a grand and glowing creature, that over any ignominious blemish in him all his fellows should run to throw their costliest robes. That immaculate manliness we feel within ourselves, so far within us, that it remains intact though all the outer character seem gone; bleeds with keenest anguish at the undraped spectacle of a valor-ruined man."

"...he presided over his whale-boat as if the most deadly encounter were but a dinner, and his crew all invited guests."

"...for every one knows that this earthly air, whether ashore or afloat, is terribly infected with the nameless miseries of the numberless mortals who have died exhaling it..."

"...he seemed as unnecessary there as another mast."

"More than once did he put forth the faint blossom of a look, which, in any other man, would have soon flowered out in a smile."

"Old age is always wakeful; as if, the longer linked with life, the less man has to do with aught that looks like death."

"For a Khan of the plank, and a king of the sea, and a great lord of Leviathans was Ahab."

"Aye, aye! and I'll chase him round Good Hope, and round the horn, and round the norway maelstrom, and round perdition's flames before I give him up."

"He tasks me; he heaps me; I see in him outrageous strength, with an inscrutable malice sinewing it."

"Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I'd strike the sun if it insulted me."

"Oh, hard! that to fire others, the match itself must needs be wasting!"

>"Because a laugh's the wisest, easiest answer to all that's queer;"

"Dance on, lads, you're young; I was once."

"Now would all the waves were women, then I'd go drown..."

"For not only are whalemen as a body unexempt from that ignorance and superstitiousness hereditary to all sailors; but of all sailors, they are by all odds the most directly brought into contact with whatever is appallingly astonishing in the sea; face to face they not only eye its greatest marvels, but, hand to jaw, give battle to them."

"...it cannot be much matter of surprise that some whalemen should go still further in their superstitions; declaring Moby Dick not only ubiquitous, but immortal (for immortality is but ubiquity in time)..."

"...all evil, to crazy Ahab, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby Dick. He piled upon the whale's white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart's shell upon it."

"...all my means are sane, my motive and my object mad."

"Though in many of its aspects this visible world seems formed in love, the invisible spheres were formed in fright."

"For God's sake, be economical with your lamps and candles! not a gallon you burn, but at least one drop of man's blood was spilled for it."

"There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own."

The Loft, The Loft, The Loft Is On Fire

2008-08-21T21:47:00.018-04:00

You know, my friend Jeremy has a blog where he reviews all of the shows that he goes to. He does an excellent job and sees many more bands than his "older, married with kids" friend can (me if you needed to be told.) So I figured I might try to cover an aspect of the musical venues that he doesn't really talk about.

Becoming a firefighter years ago forever changed my thinking. I tend to want to quantify danger in any situation. A few months ago when we went to an upscale hotel bar after dinner, I couldn't help thinking what I would do if the far corner of the room caught on fire. It plays out in my head kind of like the W.O.P.R contemplated World War III, only I'm not as fast or smart.

Anyway, my career choice coupled with what happened at the Great White show at The Station Nightclub in Rhode Island in 2003 (currently the fourth most deadly nightclub fire in the US) leaves me going to shows and looking for ways out of the building. So I think I will begin to review the venues themselves from a fire safety standpoint. I'm not trying to take the place of the Fire Marshal here, I'm just theorizing on how the building itself would affect a fire. Let's start with the venue for my last show, which was covered in the previous post.

The Loft

1374 West Peachtree Street

Atlanta, GA 30309

Capacity: 800

Visited on: August 18, 2008

Reason for visit: Bands - Steel Train and The Hush Sound

What Could Burn: The Loft is located in an old office building of sorts. It's typical fire-resistive construction: concrete. This makes it really good for withstanding fires since the building won't burn readily. However, as we all learned when the "Fireproof" Winecoff Hotel burned, it's the contents, stupid! But The Loft has this covered as it is very sparsely decorated (I really can't figure out where the pictures that are on the website were taken. It doesn't look anything like that.) Almost no furniture save for the actual bar. Nothing on the walls. No drop ceiling. Except for the stage there really isn't anything that could catch on fire. So The Loft passes my construction/contents test pretty well.

Egress: A couple of years ago I met someone who was staying in the Winecoff Ho t el the night of the fire (It's still the deadliest hotel fire in US history with 119 dead, most of them teenagers.) This person related the events of that night and then added that from that night on, every time he stayed in a hotel he would get to his room and then count the number of doorways to the nearest exit. He said he did this so that he could find the exit in the dark and smoke by feeling the doors. That's experience talking. How many of us blow off the lecture that the flight attendants give about the emergency exits on the plane? It's the same thing, really. I know I don't want to die in a hotel, at least not the ones I can afford to stay in.

The Loft is located on the second floor so it's not out of reach of ladders (most nightclubs aren't.) But unlike most other nightclubs The Loft has many large floor to ceiling windows that happen to overlook West Peachtree. Don't let this fool you. Most windows in mid-rise and hi-rise office buildings aren't regular glass. They're impregnated with plastics and other materials to make them strong enough to stand up to the stresses that large buildings encounter. You aren't just going to throw a chair through the window like in the movies (unless you're thinking of Die Hard when he tries in vain to break the window with the chair, in which case: EXACTLY!)

But windows aren't really how you want to leave a structure if given a choice. No, you want to go out the regular exits. There were only two marked that I could see from in front of the stage. I didn't check out the second one since it was behind a pair of double doors guarded by security, but the other one was the main entrance to the establishment. This is the way most people leave in an emergency; they go out the way they came in (precisely why so many people died in the Station fire.) The only problem with the way we came in is that it included a flight of stairs. In a panic people are likely to bottleneck in the stairwell and then trampling and crushing starts, which only makes things worse and more desperate. Me? I've got my eye on that second exit behind the double doors. I venture to say that only 5% of the people in the bar would exit that way so it's probably going to be much safer. So from an egress point of view The Loft doesn't really pass the test for Joe and Jane bar/club patron who aren't paying attention to that kind of thing.

Fire Protection: The Loft has fire sprinkler coverage everywhere that I could see. This is really good. The idea is that the sprinklers put the fire out before it gets to be a big fire. (Nobody burns up but we do still have a stampede in the stairwell like we talked about.) That's all provided that the system is maintained as it should be. But there's nothing to suggest it isn't so...

Miscellaneous: The only other real problem I have with The Loft is how dark it is. In between bands the only lights in the joint were from the stage and the dimly lit bar. It was enough to get around but I really couldn't see people's faces or my feet. I know that bars aren't supposed to be brightly lit, but in this post we're talking about safety not ambience. Take that dark and add some really nasty black smoke from a fire and you have a situation in which people won't be able to see those two exit signs marking the way out. Just another reason to familiarize yourself with their location.

There isn't any smoking allowed in the main area of the bar or near the stage. Since it's the only real thing that could catch on fire in the place that's a plus.

Overall: When you consider all of the smaller venues in Atlanta, The Loft is one of the safer places to see a band that I have been in. I still recommend checking the place out and noting the locations of the exits and anything that might block your path to them, but overall, you should relax and enjoy the show. I did.

Steel Train and The Hush Sound

2008-08-19T08:06:00.008-04:00

That title almost sounds like a book title, but it's really the names of two of the four bands that played at the Loft in Atlanta last night. We didn't arrive in time to see the first band of the night but just in time for Steel Train (who were the reason we were there.)

Now, I briefly reviewed the Steel Train album previously but I didn't speak much about anything else. It goes like this: a fellow Cub Scout Leader from my son's pack recommended Steel Train after his nanny said that's what she was listening to. Please understand that this isn't how it worked in my musical life before. For a long, long time I walked into the record store and asked Michael and Jeremy what was out that was good. They'd pile me up some cd's (sometimes a real stack) and I'd buy them without listening. So it's a little odd to get some of my current favorite music the way I did.

I love Steel Train's live show as much as I love their album. They take the stage and own it. Even though they were the second band in a four band line-up, even though they took the stage at 7:50 they took the stage like everyone was there to see them. I said it before, they just bleed confidence. They play as though you were there to see them exclusively (which I was) and judging by crowd reaction, they may have made a few converts last night

They approach the audience as though their acceptance is a foregone conclusion, at one point moving seamlessly from one song to the next without waiting for applause, and at another encircling one mic and singing together as though they were in a bar. It could easily come off as cocky, pretentious, or self-indulgent, but instead it makes you feel like you're being let into their circle a little. It's something that a band with twice their time together might do, but, like I said, it works amazingly for them. They even went as far as to cover ABBA's Mamma Mia which was a little daring considering the average age of the audience (I have always loved ABBA.)

The next band on the stage was The Cab. I didn't really care for the songwriting or maybe it's their style. I definitely didn't care for the hair. I know I sound old but it wasn't the length of the hair that was the problem. It was the fact that it played such a large part in this band's stage presence. The keyboardist swirled his head to the right every ten seconds to reset his hair so that it was covering his face. The drummer's excessively long hair flew around his head; a most certain distraction to anyone serious about seeing his kit, quickly remedied with a rubber band. The guitarist's locks are too messed up; the kind of hair that took a long time to get to look like you don't care how it looks.

Anyway, we stayed for the Hush Sound based on some of what we had heard on their MySpace page (which is about all MySpace is useful for at this point in my opinion.) I was very impressed with their show. The singing duties are passed between a pretty blonde keyboardist and the guitarist who looks kind of like Carl Newman but sounds like Ben Folds.

I really dug their set even though I hadn't heard 95% of it more than once. They eventually called members from all of the other bands up to help out on songs, but the highlight was inviting all of Steel Train on stage to perform The Jackson 5's I Want You Back. The stage was packed and it was a load of fun.

The band also performed a very respectable cover of Back In The USSR. It struck me while they were performing that it was entirely possible that many in the audience didn't know it wasn't "one of their new songs."

If you couldn't tell I had a really great time. Thanks to Keith and Helen for coming into town and getting me the tickets (for my birthday.) Steel Train will be returning to Atlanta this fall and I hope you all can come out if you're in the area.

See, They've Got A Name For It

2008-08-06T18:02:00.003-04:00

I've written on this very subject for some time, even comparing the feeling to the same movie that this article does. Which I suppose only bolsters my argument about my life being a television show. I mean what better plot development than for me to read an article that confirms what I've been thinking all along. Click on the "Truman" label at the bottom of the article to see my other posts on the subject.

The following is an article which appeared in the Newsweek that just arrived in my mailbox:

When LIfe Is Like a TV Show
-Jesse Ellison

As a director of psychiatrics at New York's Bellevue Hospital Center, Joel Gold has seen thousands of delusional patients. But a few years ago, he began noticing a different sort of paranoia: young white men who believed they were the subjects of their own reality-TV shows. Some, says Gold, who with his brother has written a preliminary paper and hopes to author a larger study, seemed pleased by their roles—excited by the anticipated million-dollar payout. Others were tormented. One came to New York to check whether the World Trade Center had actually fallen—believing 9/11 to be an elaborate plot twist in his personal storyline. Another came to climb the Statue of Liberty, believing that he'd be reunited with his high-school girlfriend at the top, and finally be released from the "show."

Grandiose, paranoid delusions are a staple among schizophrenics and psychopaths. Typically, they apply to one aspect of a patient's life—say, irrationally believing a spouse is cheating. But these patients, much like Jim Carrey's character in the 1998 film "The Truman Show," believe their entire lives are being broadcast, and that everyone is in on the joke. The numbers are small—Gold has observed only five firsthand and has heard from or about more than a dozen since—but he and others think "The Truman Show Delusion," as Gold now calls it, is the pathological product of our insatiable appetite for self-exposure. Delusions are often related to the larger cultural and political climate: during the cold war some people thought they were being monitored by the KGB. Today, some might think Al Qaeda is after them. When all it takes is a Webcam and the click of a mouse to be seen and heard by millions, and with hundreds of surveillance cameras capturing our movements each day, it's not necessary to go on "Big Brother" to feel like you're in the public eye. "If you have a predisposition to paranoia, going on YouTube and seeing some guy doing something can really shake you up," says Gold. You could think, "Is the world watching me?" Perhaps the key to sanity is knowing that while the whole world isn't watching, someone probably is.

Steel Train - Trampoline

2008-07-20T21:55:00.005-04:00

Now, I could pepper this review with all kinds of phrases like "a rollicking good time" or "ear candy" but let's just suffice it to say that it's good. Really good. Never before have I heard an album this good...about real tragedy. You see, Jack Antanoff the lead singer and songwriter for the band experienced a series of personal tragedies. That coupled with the lasting emotional effects of the attacks on the World Trade Center make for some really heavy lyrics. And there are only one or two songs on this album that don't mention these directly, which should make for some really depressing music. But instead, most of the songs are upbeat and a lot of fun.

What's more, this band didn't sound anything like this before this album. Before this they were folky and considerably more mopey. They're actually signed to a label known for mopey. Don't ask me how but apparently multiple tragedies in someone's life can beget some of the best straight rock and roll I've heard in a while.

The album opens with "I Feel Weird" which hits you like the moment, after falling asleep in front of the television, when you wake up and realize just how loud the TV is. It jumps in with both feet and doesn't let up for three very solid minutes. There's something about the sound, maybe the bells, that reminds me of Bruce Springsteen. Steel Train is from New Jersey so maybe there's something there. But I don't like Springsteen, so....

From there we move right into one of the best songs on the album; "Black Eye." It proceeds like a song that knows you're already hooked on the album. I can't really explain it, but the song just bleeds confidence. I had the chance to see these guys live last month and this song is a real crowd pleaser. All I could do was stand in the crowd, pound my heel into the floor, and smile ear to ear.

"Kill Monsters In The Rain" channels Grandaddy with a heavier bass drum. That's what all of the songs on the album have in common; a driving beat that doesn't let up. It's great. The song takes on a more disco flavor but that's not an insult. It's done very well.

The best song on the album is it's slowest. "Dakota" reminds me lyrically of Crash Test Dummies' "Mmmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm." Both are songs about misfits and the trouble they find in their lives. Musically I would have thought this was a Fountains of Wayne song if I hadn't known better. It's achingly beautiful and a real treat to listen to with headphones (check it out.)

"Firecracker"...well, "Firecracker" is perfect. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

The only track on the album that I don't feel really good about is "School Is For Losers." That one feels like it's trying too hard to rock. It's got good parts to it and I don't generally skip over it.

So give it a listen. I'm on about my two hundredth. It's a good thing there's no needle to wear the CD down.

Photo Caption Contest

2008-07-01T10:08:00.005-04:00

It's been a while since we've had one of these. So, here it is.

The rules? Give a caption for what this guy is thinking to himself right now.

He's A Drag. A Well Known Drag.

2008-06-29T01:53:00.007-04:00

It's a pretty well known fact that I don't do well in bars, a fact that I once again proved last night. You see, a bunch of us got together to celebrate a few of the group's birthdays at a trendy restaurant/bar downtown. After about five hours I went outside until Paula was ready to leave. I'm pretty sure that a few in the group came away with the idea that I was pissed at the end of the night. So here are a few reasons I wasn't pissed; at least maybe not for the reasons they think.

1. "I"m sorry, what was that?"

I've always had a real problem hearing in noisy situations. No, it's not me getting old. It's not even overexposure to sirens and air horns. I don't know how to explain it. It's not loud noises. I just can't seem to filter out one sound in a room full of similar sounds; one voice in a room full of shouting voices. I feel myself constantly leaning in and asking someone to repeat themselves. Which gets pretty annoying for me so I can only assume it's doubly annoying for the person that I keep mindlessly nodding and smiling at. Not to mention the fact that the constant noise begins to get to me. My leg starts to nervously bounce and I eventually clench my jaw resulting in a raging headache.

2. "None for me, thank you."

I don't drink. Never have. Never will. Lot's of people know that about me. Unfortunately a lot of them probably think that I don't enjoy bars because I don't agree with drinking. And twenty years ago that used to be the way I thought. But now? Well, now I really don't have a problem with drinking (the non-alcoholic variety.)

There was a moment many years ago when I decided I was going to take a drink. I remember thinking that my life would be a little easier if I did. Not because I might use alcohol to cancel out any aspect of my life. No, it really was just a desire to fit in. And apparently that was the moment when I became okay with the idea of drinking. It was like lifting a weight off of my psyche. I never did take a drink, but it was a real sea change in my thinking. It sounds a little stupid, I guess, but that's how it happened.

So, the problem now isn't an objection to alcohol as a substance. No, the problem is that as a twelve year old I made a promise to the man upstairs not to ever drink. The promise went something like "I promise to never drink if everything in my life goes okay." Sure it sounds kind of like a stupid promise, but I've kept my end of the deal. And so has he. If I was to start drinking and something bad happened to Paula or the boys, I wouldn't ever forgive myself.

I don't sit in bars and obsess over some of the unpleasant things about my life that were directly related to alcohol use. Instead I find myself full of regret; regret I ever made that promise. You see, I love my wife and will do just about anything for her, except take a drink. So a night in a bar leaves me feeling very inadequate as a husband and friend. I can't be that guy for my wife. And the longer the night goes on the more angry with myself I get. After that, anyone kidding with me about taking a drink, no matter how innocent the joke, doesn't strike me as funny. It's more like salt in the wound. The end result is that I'm pretty pissed off with myself and just no fun.

3. "Isn't there a Surgeon General's warning about those?"

Cigarettes seem to have a cumulative effect on my mood. At first I can tolerate them pretty well, but in a bar it doesn't take long before I've reached my tolerance. The bar last night was even on a second story patio with a really good breeze. But somehow all I could smell was the cigarette smoke. That with the constant noise just overloads my senses.

4. "Really, I'm okay."

Rather than ruin the mood of the party by staying, I often I end up leaving the immediate area. I get out of the noise and smoke to let my senses off the hook for a while. Invariably what happens is friends start to try and get me to return which inexplicably annoys me. I know they mean well, but I really just want to "decompress."

In conclusion, This entry isn't me looking for pity. Not at all. I've made my choice and am willing to live by it. But that doesn't make it any less hard or irritating for me. So, if any of my friends from last night, or previous nights out, are reading this I sincerely hope that I didn't significantly dampen the mood. I did have a good time for as long as I had a good time. Sorry I left without saying goodbye to all of you.

I've Got An Itch

2008-06-02T22:43:00.006-04:00

It all started this morning. I had fallen asleep on the couch last night, as I often do, and woke up around 6:00 in the morning. I turned off the television and went to bed to sleep for another hour until the boys got up. The area around my waste itched and I chalked it up to the elastic waistband in my shorts. But when I got up to take a shower I was amazed to find about thirty nickel sized welts all over my torso.

That's when the itching started. I figured I had picked up some chiggers at Stone Mountain the day before so I sat down at the computer to read about them (God bless Google.) The article dispelled a bunch of the myths surrounding chiggers but I found out that some of the information in the Wikipedia article wasn't true to my case.

So here's my guide to chiggers separating fact from fiction:

1. Chiggers burrow under the skin and poop. The poop is what causes the itching.

FALSE - Chiggers don't burrow and it's their saliva that causes the itching. They don't drink blood they drink liquified skin cells. How do I know? Well, I read it and the picture to the right happens to be an actual picture of one of the chiggers on me (I used Ben and Luke's Eyeclops electronic magnifier that they got for Christmas last year. It came in real handy since you can't use a magnifying glass to see something on your waistline that's 1/150th of an inch.) The chigger is the larval stage of the harvest mite. It has six legs but when it matures it will have eight.

2. You can get rid of chiggers by putting nail polish over the area. The nail polish will suffocate the chigger.

FALSE - Nail polish might kill them but it won't stop the itching. That damage is already done by the time the welt appears. Rubbing alcohol and a really hot bath of epsom salts doesn't kill them either. Nope the Eyeclops doesn't lie. Those bad boys were still moving their legs after all of those treatments.

3. You can get the chigger off with a piece of scotch tape.

FALSE - Not scotch tape, duct tape, electrical tape, razors, or a dried patch of Elmer's glue. None of those pulled the chigger off of my skin. The only thing that did was some hair removal strips that I found under the bathroom sink. The wax on the strip is gooey enough to get into the microscopic crevices of your skin and attach to the chigger. The picture at the right is of one of the wax strips with the bugger trapped in a honey grave. On the plus side you get baby soft hair free patches of very itchy skin.

4. A warm soapy bath is all you need to rid yourself of the chiggers.

FALSE - I tried a hot soapy bath and with the Eyeclops found the guys unmoved. I then took a scotchbrite scouring pad and scoured my whole body in a very hot shower. No luck. A bath of very hot water with epsom salts. Still no luck.

5. Chiggers are not transferrable.

TRUE - Once a chigger bites it uses its feeding tube. If it's dislodged before it finishes the tube breaks off, thus the chigger larvae is doomed to die an early and hungry death. And besides, as you can see above it's really hard to get them off of you. If you don't believe me just ask Ben and Luke who are completely unaffected even though they were all over me the rest of the day. Ben even climbed into bed with me in the early morning.

So what have we learned? Well....

1. Wikipedia isn't always right (there's a newsflash.)

2. Don't sit on a lichen covered rock in the shade near the tree line at Stone Mountain.

3. The Eyeclops is a really handy toy and oddly unsettling.

Sharon Stone Angers China

2008-05-28T22:45:00.002-04:00

That's one of the headlines that is on the Comcast website right now. I don't know why it amuses me so much, but it cracks me the hell up. I didn't even bother to read the article because I know it can't live up the headline.

I can totally see some dudes naming their band this.

Just Because

2008-05-15T15:11:00.005-04:00

I was reading Luke a bedtime story last night and had a brainstorm. Here's something for your pleasure. Or your pain. Maybe both.

Fox In Socks.

So Now Then...

2008-05-15T13:09:00.004-04:00

My last couple of posts have been things that I expect a certain amount of readers to approach skeptically. One of the posts is still hard for me to swallow (and I was there) and the other comes off as over dramatized sentimentality for the sake of...well...sentimentality.

That being said, why stop now. I'm gonna spin ya' another yarn that you probably are going to think I'm embellishing. The only problem is that it's true. Every bit of it.
About a month ago we were watching some television after dinner and the boys were playing. I can't remember what the show was but it's usually Animal Planet or Discovery if the boys are still up.

Well, during one of the commercial breaks that happened to feature a pretty model Luke says, "She's hot." I turned to look at him and then at Paula. We didn't say anything because we didn't want to encourage him. You see, Luke likes to be funny. I don't mean he likes to tell jokes. No he sits and waits for an opportunity to say something you don't expect.

Now, before we go any further, let me say that he didn't get it from me. At least I don't think so. I don't sit around the television and comment on who is pretty and who isn't. But I may have jokingly said it about someone who wasn't particularly hot. So you can see where Luke might have thought he was being funny.

Like I said before, we basically ignored it and went back to watching the commercials. Except that a minute later Luke says it again. I gave him a "Luke!" Not the "You're in trouble 'Luke!'" but the "I can't believe you just said that 'Luke!'"

This time he said it during a make-up commercial with the current Assistant District Attorney from Law And Order: Alana De La Garza (pictured at right.) His "joke" just happens to be timed when the woman on the television is hot. And the same could be said for the first commercial but I can't remember who was in it.

So it shouldn't have surprised me when a couple of moments later another attractive woman graced the screen hawking something and he said it again; "She's hot."

I really didn't know what to say and from the look on Paula's face, neither did she. In our stunned silence, Luke added this gem, "My penis is sticking out."

I couldn't believe it. I know that he didn't get THAT from me! What the hell is going on?!! What's going on at that school he goes to?!!

As dumbstruck as I was I knew I had to say something. And the only words that came to mind were these: "Leave it alone and it will go away."

Which, as it happens, is what Paula tells me.

Happy Birthday, Luke

2008-05-13T23:32:00.002-04:00

April of 2004, a couple of robins made a nest on top of a gutter under the soffet of our house. The nest was just outside of our kitchen window and made for really good viewing for Ben. To get him a better view I rigged an old video camera up to a monitor and zoomed in so that Ben could see the little baby birds popping their heads up when the food arrived.

We counted four babies and Ben and I both enjoyed watching them. It wasn't long before they were covered in fluffy down and starting to look a little crowded in their quarters. Even with the windows closed you could hear their enthusiastic chirping whenever Mom or Dad returned to the nest.

Paula was pregnant with Luke at this time. Really pregnant with a scheduled delivery date of May 13th. I was feeling pretty nervous; more nervous than when we had Ben. You see, Ben didn't scare me until they took him out and he was horribly cyanotic (medical jargon for when you turn blue from lack of oxygen.) So with the history of Ben's birth and the previous two miscarriages I was beginning to really get myself worked up.

Now, in previous instances when I thought I was in control of my outward appearance I found out later that I wasn't concealing a thing. Case in point: when I cut the first 3/4 of an inch of the end of my finger off in high school and calmly proceeded to the front office. I was told later that my complexion was a muted green and my eyes were wide as saucers.

But this time I was not going to let on to Paula any of my worry because she is a worrier and I didn't want to add to it. Besides, the birds were a really good omen. So I repeated to her my usual, "Everything will be okay."

Two days before we were to head to the hospital, we were busy making preparations. We had noticed the day before that the baby robins had left the nest for the world. Concerned about them, I searched the bushes below the nest and the rest of the yard to no avail. Hours later I spotted one of the babies in the yard with what appeared to be a hurt leg. This didn't help to ease my nerves any. After all, I was reasonably sure that the bird couldn't survive with a hurt leg.

The following day I spotted another of the babies learning to fly, with the father close by. Instantly in my mind I was the father and the bird learning its way was Ben, and that made me feel much better. But I still couldn't find the other two babies. I looked and looked but had to get back to chores.

One hour later, I found the third baby dead in the grass. Even though I had searched the yard thoroughly, and kept my eyes scanning constantly, I had apparently killed it with the lawnmower. My heart sank. I'm sure anyone watching would have thought I was wiping sweat away as I continued to mow. The next day, on the way to the hospital I prayed in earnest for that little bird.

In spite of my worrying, Lucas was born without complications much to my relief. At first the doctors thought he couldn't hear, but that cleared up in a day or two. Luke is doing great, and, consequently, I have to think that everything turned out alright for that fourth little robin. Despite the fact that, as the nurses pointed out in the delivery room, he was born at 1313 hrs on the 13th of May. (I don't subscribe to the superstition of any "unlucky number." But bird signs? Well, bird signs are different, right?)

He's four years old today and an incredible little kid. He's small for his age but has a maturity about him like his brother. He sure can make me laugh, and he can be sweet and devious simultaneously. But I'm often not as hard on him as I am Ben, no matter how hard I try to be fair. Probably because in my mind, he'll always be that little bird. The one that worried me so much, and that, to this day, I look for whenever I'm in the yard.

A Sign

2008-05-06T23:24:00.007-04:00

"...There are stories of coincidence and chance and intersections and strange things told and which is which and who only knows. And we generally say, "Well if that was in movie I wouldn't believe it." Someone's so and so met someone else's so and so and so on. And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that strange things happen all the time...and so it goes and so it goes. And the book says, "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."

-Magnolia-

Something happened a few years ago which I have told only a few people. But events in my life have gotten me thinking about it again so I'm here to tell anyone that will listen.

I was standing in the engine bay watching a terrible thunderstorm. It was early summer and about mid-afternoon. The skies were purple and the trees were white as their leaves turned over in the wind. The lightning and thunder were building but still a ways away.

Suddenly a bolt of lightning creased the sky directly in front of me. It appeared to hit in the neighborhood across the street from the station. I ran inside (fearful of getting struck) and to warn everyone else that we were about to get a call.

It wasn't but a minute later that the bell went off dispatching us to a house on fire hit by lightning in the direction of the strike that I had witnessed.

Even though we were on scene within four minutes, all of that heavy rain had stopped. Neighbors were in the street pointing to a house which didn't show any immediate signs of fire. When I got out and talked to them they reported that lightning had struck a tree in the front yard of the house and that smoke had been seen coming from the gable vent near the tree.

Now lightning and fire can both do amazing things especially when they're working together. The neighbors went on to explain that the house was empty; the homeowner was at work.

We went to work laddering the roof and looking into all of the windows for any sign of smoke or flame. I walked around the house looking into each window, but like most windows you can only see around the blinds or curtains, etc.

As I got around the front of the house with nothing out of the ordinary to report, one of the guys on the roof called for me to come up and check something out. They hadn't been able to find any signs of fire but directed me to an attic vent and told me to take a long whiff. I could smell a scented candle. It was very distinct. Not exactly what you expect of a house struck by lightning and reported to be smoking prior to our arrival.

Now, we don't go breaking down doors unless we have to. And in this situation I didn't want to find myself explaining breaking down a door to a homeowner who might not like his nosey neighbors.

We can't explain the fragrant smell but the house doesn't appear to be in any danger at the moment. I decide that we're done here, and as I'm about to start climbing down the ladder, Lil' Cap (the guys gave him that name, not me) comes running around the house to the front and calls for our medic bag.

I follow him to the back deck and he promptly kicks it in. There isn't anyone that I can see but he charges in and then moves into an adjacent room to a sofa where a man is unconscious. Cap would later tell me he saw just the end of the man's foot through the slats of the blinds.

We start our assessment and find the man completely unresponsive. His blood sugar reading is so low that the monitor doesn't read numbers; he's in a diabetic coma and without sugar immediately might suffer irreversible brain damage or die. A few minutes later, after administering some sugar the man comes around. He explains that he is a friend of the homeowner's that is staying with him for a few days and that he is a diabetic. That explained his condition and the fact that the neighbors didn't think anyone was home. The rest is what I couldn't explain.

I couldn't explain how we got there, but only recount the events: We were led to the house by a lightning strike, delayed on scene by the smell of a candle long enough for Cap to look through a window that had been looked into by at least five different firefighters and see just the man's toes on the couch in a room with no windows.

Now I'm not a very religious man. I have always professed a belief in God and like many have been plagued with doubts. But that day was a turning point for me and I hope it was a turning point in that man's life. Like I told him as he sat on the couch, "God wants you alive."

That's it. I'm not testifying or anything. But take it for what you want. And it really happened, just like I said. So chalk it up to coincidence if you want to. Call it a series of random events that I have connected like a run of dominoes. Just remember this - dominoes still require someone to knock the first one down.

Contradictions Of The Day

2008-04-27T21:22:00.003-04:00

Well, not really of the day. More like the last week.

1. While at the Taste Of Marietta today there was a local auto dealer that had vehicles on display. They were featuring a hybrid SUV. That's a contradiction in terms in my book, but as I got closer I realized that I was mistaken: the sticker on the vehicle said that it gets an amazing 22 mpg on the highway. It is a hybrid!

2. The gentleman riding his bike through town taking long drags on a cigarette. 'Nuff said.

3. It's a long story but the fire department I work for has enacted a policy which ensures 70% consistency. Why not 80% consistency you ask? Because it's just as asinine.

Top Soil

2008-04-26T17:54:00.004-04:00

I've been away from the computer for a while. I apologize. It's just that we've been doing landscaping in the yard for the last couple of weeks. As well as working my body to the limits I learned a couple of lessons.

1. If the man you call for soil asks "screened or not screened" choose screened. Even though it's twice as much it won't come with broken glass, a four foot section of iron pipe, clods of compacted dirt the size of basketballs, the entire root system of a tree, broken cinder blocks, and a golf ball.

2. Rent a bobcat. Shoveling fifteen cubic yards (a dump truck full) will wear on your arms. After the first twelve hours they felt like all of the bones were broken. The second day wasn't any better. Just another reason to get the screened soil. A couple years ago I shoveled a dump truck load of screened soil in four hours.

Zulu Vs. Black Hawk Down

2008-03-27T22:29:00.014-04:00

I don't really have a knack for reviewing movies but I do enjoy connecting things that at first glance aren't similar. Here goes:

	Zulu	Black Hawk Down
When The Film Takes Place:	January 22-23, 1879	October 3-4, 1993
Year Film Was Released:	1964	2001
Takes Place In:	Natal, South Africa	Mogadishu, Somalia
Actually Filmed In:	South Africa	Morocco (apparently Mogadishu still wasn't safe)
Incendiary Oversimplification of the Plot:	Some white guys kill a lot of black guys.	Some white guys kill a lot of black guys.
Depicts:	The Battle Of Rorke's Drift where 139 British soldiers successfully defended their small garrison against 4000 Zulu warriors who had become fed up with having the British as neighbors.	The Battle Of Mogadishu where American military forces attempted to capture members of a warlord's clan. During the raid, two Black Hawk helicopters were shot down in the city which was increasingly hostile.
Dead:	British Soldiers: 15 Zulu Warriors: 370	American Soldiers: 19 Somalis: 133 to 1000. Since most of the dead were "civilian militia" there isn't an accurate count.
Politics of the film:	Really doesn't address it. Nothing is said about why the British are in Africa (Ivory?) or whether they should be there at all. The movie ends as a statement against the horrors of war. Without injecting politics the filmmakers effectively comment on the nastiness of war whether "justified" or not while at the same time celebrating the efforts of the soldiers.	Stays way the hell away from politics. And for good reason. If you don't remember this battle by name, surely you will remember American soldiers' bodies being paraded through the streets of Mogadishu. The closest the movie gets to political commentary is when one of the characters reveals to his fellow soldiers that he truly wants to help the Somali people. Obviously, were not talking about the Somalis that our protagonists fight the entire movie. At the end we are left with the realization that war sucks.
Main character:	Lt. John Chard, a Royal Engineer sent to build a bridge. Instead, as the most senior man he finds himself leading the defense of the garrison. Oh, and he's a "proper gentleman."	Matt Eversman, who is placed in charge of a group of Army Rangers just before the raid due to another soldier's illness.
Voice of The Opposition:	Reverend Otto Witt who arrives at the garrison to warn the soldiers to leave. He is instead detained within the fort, gets drunk, and yells things like, "you're all going to die" for a good part of the movie.	Arms dealer Atto who is detained early in the movie and comments to the general in charge that the United States has injected itself into a civil war. The general replies that 300,000 dead isn't a civil war, "it's genocide."
Medals Won By the Actual Participants:	11 Victoria Crosses 5 Distinguished Conduct Medals	2 Medals Of Honor 6 Silver Stars 10 Bronze Stars 1 Distinguished Flying Cross 1 DeFleury Medal 1 Oak Leaf 2 Purple Hearts
Main Actors Playing Against Their Nationality:	Nigel Green (South Africa)	Eric Bana (Australia) Ewan McGregor (UK) Orlando Bloom (UK) Ewen Bremner (UK) Kim Coates (Canada) Hugh Dancy (UK) Loan Gruffudd (UK) (Holy crap! Why so many Brits?!)
Word From the Film That I Had to Look Up:	"Malingering"	"Urbane"
How We Begin:	Printed history of the event read by Sir Richard Burton.	Titles to get the audience up to date on the situation at hand. Also included is the quote, "Only the dead have seen the end of war," which is erroneously attributed to Plato.
Unintentionally Funny Line:	"Damn you Chard! Damn all you butchers!" [pronounced "booochers"]	Soldier: "Colonel, they're shooting at us. Lt. Col. McKnight: "Well, shoot back."
Geek Facts:	Ridley Scott, the director of Black Hawk Down, loves the film Zulu so much he used the actual Zulu war chant during the opening battle of his film Gladiator.	Michael Caine in Zulu. Michael Caine to Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. Sandra Bullock to Jeff Daniels in Speed. Jeff Daniels to Laura Linney in Squid and the Whale. Laura Linney to Ed Harris in The Truman Show. Ed Harris to Sam Shephard in The Right Stuff. Sam Shepard in Black Hawk Down.

So the movies are more similar than not. What's this prove? Not much other than I don't have enough to do with my free time. I like both of the movies, in case you were wondering.

Photo Caption Contest - The Results Show

2008-03-14T02:00:00.001-04:00

Okay, okay. So I never judged the results from the photo contest back in October 2007. Let the fury and vitriol gush forth aplenty.

This was probably the most unsuccessful of these things that I've hosted. I don't know if it was the picture or the rules that I placed on it. Anyway, for better or worse, here goes:

First Place
Wm. for "Give me one good reason why you're keeping that mustache."

It seems to be my refrain when judging these things; it was far from obvious and I surprised myself with it. It still strikes me as funny. Like this couple would be having a discussion about his grooming habits while floating down the street with a door full of beer. I don't know.

Minus 55 points for giving yourself First Place. Score = 45 points.

Second Place
Jeremy Frye for "The North American Redneck (Bocephi Earhardticus)..."

Jeremy actually followed the rules for this one and unlike the other entries (mine included) it's not bad. I do like this particular phrase: "Efficiency is key, and shirts have been rendered vestigial, at best, amongst females, and evolutionarily jettisoned entirely by males." There's an economy in word choice here that is very true to the idea of the encyclopedia entry concept.

Minus fifty eight points for making me look up "vestigial" yet again. Score = 42

Third Place
Paula for "One kitchen door: $15. Bride price of your uncle's niece: $50. Floating beer and a babe: priceless."

Not bad. The concept has been overdone as a corruption of the original and for me now ranks with the "been there, done that" saying. Still, "Bride price" is a funny phrase not to mention the use of the word "babe" to describe the woman in the picture. She's a catch alright.

Minus sixty three points for waiting so frikkin' long to participate in one of these. And this isn't my only way of communicating. Score = 37

Honorable Mention
Everyone that tried. Really. This one was difficult. I blame the people in the picture, because it can't be my fault. It never is.

First Place
Mr. Doob for "8:30 Blossom (NBC) On a Very Special Episode, Blossom befriends a popular cheerleader at school only to discover the girl's dark secret. The growing teen issue of 'Sharking' is brought to light and Blossom faces a peer pressure as never before. Special appearances by Nancy Reagan, Mr. T and Roy Scheider."

I have to give it to this one for the intentionally mismatched choice of guest stars. You always knew when you watched this kind of television that the guest stars weren't who they wanted but who they could afford to get. I tried this concept when I invoked the ghost of Willie Aames' career, but the "smattering" strategy works much better.

Minus eight points for using a really, really bad show. Score = 92

Second Place
Chosen©er for "Shark. Tonight, James Woods (Shark) heads to court against Shark (not James Woods). Use of staccato dialogue delivery will make you think something is interesting when it's really not. At all."

The multiple uses of the word shark for comic effect reminds me of the Smothers Brothers routine "You Didn't Come In" where Dick accuses Tommy of being stupid for not being stupid. Well, you'll just have to trust me; it's funny. Also the commentary on shows like this using techniques such as staccato dialogue to hide the fact that the show isn't really compelling hits home.

Minus twenty points for taking twelve days to come up with an entry. Score = 80

Third Place
Jeremy Frye for "Saved By The Bell Sat. 11:00 a.m. (NBC) In order to get tickets to the sold-out Bobby Brown concert, Zach Morris must take the local radio DJ's horribly disfigured daughter as his date. Initially repulsed, Morris learns that even ugly girls with superfluous shark-like appendages are people, too."

I like this one for the phrase "superfluous shark-like appendages." That's it.

Minus thirty three points because I like the sound of the phrase "thirty three". Score = 67

Honorable Mention
Wm for "9:30 Three's Company: The College Years. While completing community service in the school infirmary, Jack passes himself off as a Doctor to impress student Holly and is forced to perform a shark-ectomy when Holly's boyfriend shows up. Jack falls down."

After writing this one I got confused and couldn't remember if this was a real episode of Three's Company or not. You know, I never could understand the sex appeal of any of that show's stars.

Minus fifty one points for making Jack fall down one more time. Score = 49

Brent Cash - How Will I Know If I'm Awake

2008-03-07T16:08:00.004-05:00

I'm overdue in announcing that a friend of mine has an album out. Brent's awesome and I had always hoped he would make it; looks like now he's on his way. The album sounds like a Sunday afternoon to me. Go to his website to check out clips of the songs and read some of the awesome reviews this album has gotten.

He's getting airplay on the BBC and college stations are playing him here in the states. Support your local record stores and request they stock this album!

(And if'n you ain't got no recurd store near ya', itz rite thar on tha iTunes fer ya ta dayonload.)

Kickin' It In Williamsburg

2008-03-06T22:36:00.025-05:00

(Stock photo from Google. Items shown are more visible than they appeared on our trip.)

Sorry that I haven't updated for a while but we've been in Colonial Williamsburg on a family vacation for the last five days.

You know, I read a reader submitted editorial to Newsweek a few years ago that lamented the demise of the long road trip with kids. This editorial claimed that, with the advent of all of the personal entertainment devices, we have become families of strangers. Now, I agree with that claim to a point, but the author argued that a prime victim of this technology was the road trip and all of the horrible parts of it. I will counter that cordless headphones and individual dvd players mounted in the backs of the front seat head rests of your father-in-law's brand new SUV make the nine hour trip bearable. I don't relish the arguments, tensions, complaints, and everything else that we all are guilty of when cooped up with one another in a car for extended periods. Not having to experience that one more time doesn't leave me feeling cheated. That's right, an extremely large "Thank You" to Larry.

Anyway, we stopped over in Charlotte on the way up and visited Keith and Helen for an hour or so. They were nice enough to drive over to our hotel and drink a milkshake with me while Paula rested with the kids.

Colonial Williamsburg was really nice. We apparently hit it a little off season. There were a smattering of people dressed up and giving visitors a view into the history and politics of the time period, but the boys didn't get to see some guys playing the fife and drums or some soldiers drilling with muskets. Unfortunately for the boys there was a little more history than entertainment.

But we did get to see blacksmiths, silversmiths, a basket weaver, a cloth weaver (?), a wig maker, saddle makers, and a wagon wheel maker while at work. The boys really liked the blacksmiths and I have to say they were one of my favorite parts of our visit. I love the smell of the coal and the work really appealed to me.

The title of this post is a little bit of an inside joke. You see, the whole time we were in Colonial Williamsburg the boys kicked the small pebbles that covered all of the walkways. I felt like I was telling them not to kick the rocks about once every ten minutes.

After two days in Colonial Williamsburg we spent our last day visiting the Jamestown Settlement where the boys got to visit an Indian village, a recreation of the Jamestown Fort, and recreations of the ships that carried the residents of Jamestown to the New World.

Enough talking, here are a bunch of the pictures from our trip.

This is the Governor's Palace with a few of the "locals" riding up to the gate.

Here we are visiting the wagon wheel maker. He makes all of the wheels for the carriages by hand. It was amazing to watch. The boys couldn't have cared less.

These are the gardens behind the Governor's Palace. There was a maze in a section of bushes that the boys really enjoyed.

Dinnertime in the kitchen of the Governor's Palace. We saw demonstrations of some of the foods that people ate at the time. We also learned that George Washington's favorite ice cream was "Oyster" flavored. Ick.

Luke in the foyer of the Palace. As explained by our tour guide, the foyer was about as far as most of us would have gotten past the door.

Here are the boys on Gloucester Street. You can see one of the carriages in the background. It's original to the time period (circa 1780). The horses aren't original.

The hats were expensive but worth it. The boys loved them.

As you can see, they rarely came off of their heads.

Here the boys learn about basket weaving.

Here, the boys and a couple other boys get to drill with one of the soldiers at the Magazine, where the British stole the colonists' black powder. Ben tried hard but Luke seemed distracted.

I finally had enough with the kicking of the rocks and resorted to the punishment of the times.

Standing guard over some of the colony's supplies. A wooden musket comes at a premium price like the hats but the boys loved them and had to be ordered to not carry them into restaurants or around the hotel.

This was taken at the Jamestown Settlement Museum. They had some stuff out for kids and adults to touch like the dead raccoon and the bandolier.

Luke wouldn't have anything to do with the dead raccoon.

Here the boys pose with a Jamestown Settler/Soldier who had just demonstrated his musket with an actual firing. Very loud. Very awesome.

We get to try on some armor circa 1607.

Paula and the boys get into a canoe that has been hollowed out with fire like the Powhatan indians did in the 17th century. Sweet.

Well, that's it. We had a lot of fun.

More Stupid Stuff People Say

2008-02-26T20:27:00.005-05:00

A friend of mine called me to ask if I had been watching Fox5 News this morning. Apparently the following was said:

"Were there any isolated incidents of widespread storm damage?"

This, of course, reminded me of the time one of our local weathermen named Flip Spiceland (that's right) said something like the following:

"Now I know I told you yesterday that it was going to rain, but it did. It's just that none of it reached the ground."

This Speaks For Itself

2008-02-25T21:49:00.001-05:00

Photo Caption Contest: When Television Was Really Really Really Awful

2008-02-13T16:51:00.007-05:00

I Googled the word "damaged" and this photo came up as one of the first returns in their image database. It is apparently from Episode 225 of ER which originally aired in 2004. And, yes, that's a shark on someone's leg.

I've had a problem with that show for a long time. For me, ER "jumped the shark" not long after its inception. But if there was any doubt left for you, this picture should take care of that.

So here's the assignment: You know those little blurbs about episodes of shows in TV Guide? Well, write one of those for this picture. It can be for any show, real or imaginary.

When Television Was Awesome

2008-02-07T00:52:00.000-05:00

I just stumbled upon the intro to Space 1999 and I was blown away. I remembered it being cool but I had completely forgotten just how cool. Anyway, it got me thinking: What are the all-time great beginnings to television shows. I'm not talking theme music. I'm talking about the marriage of great theme music with awesome visuals. Three that immediately come to mind are below.

Space 1999
This is awesome for so many reasons that should be obvious - the overly dramatic theme, the quick cuts of non-action scenes including people walking and people standing, the title cards that scream at you hints of what's to come in tonight's episode. I could go on and on.

The Streets of San Francisco
This might be my all time favorite. One of the channels years ago used to run this all the time. I was addicted. I love it for the funky theme and the off-beat cuts. Also, the graphics of the bars sliding in to reveal the actors is brilliant. Quinn Martin productions always had guest stars, which was code for we can't pay them enough so we put their faces and names in the opening sequence as part of their salary. Every episode had a title, four acts, and an epilogue where we most likely learned our lesson.

The Rockford Files
I would have embedded the video but the guy that uploaded it to YouTube disabled embedding. Dunno why. Anyway you can view it there if you click on the link above. I love it for the answering machine message at the beginning which always somehow poked fun at Rockford's condition in life. Right when the punchline of the message hit the theme started not unlike the snare/cymbal kick that horrible comedian's used to use to drive jokes home. The visuals for the opening sequence are actually stills but are edited to infer motion. It's really kind of cool and something that I always wanted to rip off when I was still considering doing that kind of thing for a living.

What Did She Say?

2008-02-06T20:18:00.000-05:00

I was surfing the channels and came across Entertainment Tonight. Now, I don't watch those kind of shows because they are exactly the kind of sensationalism that I think will be the death of society. I know that the cable company is keeping track of what I'm watching so I make sure I don't let them think I'm even considering it.

However, as I'm surfing the story is about a teen that auditioned for American Idol named Temptress and her mother "going out to a restaurant." The mother is about 600 lbs and only able to move via a large wheelchair. Temptress herself is, by my estimation, around 300 lbs.

Don't get me wrong; I truly sympathize with the morbidly obese. I believe that there are yet undiscovered genetic factors which contribute to the condition. Everyone's body is different. But in the end, you have to agree that regardless of why you do it, it's all about how much food you put into your body.

Anyway, in the restaurant her mother remarks to the cameras, "I know I'm not the best example for Temptress. I just don't want to be too hard on her. I don't want her to be bulimic or anorexic."

Long pause. Back the Tivo up and turn on the closed captioning.............Yeah, she said it. She's afraid of her 300 lbs daughter developing an eating disorder.

Maybe it was the pressure of being in front of the cameras and not being able to think of anything to say. Maybe she really thinks that. Regardless, it's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard someone say. It ranks right up there with "I didn't inhale."

So then, why did Entertainment Tonight broadcast that sound bite as one of the few things that her mother says during the whole segment? The clip leads you to believe that the show facilitated getting her mother out and to the restaurant. It was produced to be a feel-good piece. So why intentionally leave in a comment that makes the mother look so ignorant?

You know, I began this entry merely to log something ridiculous that I heard. But as I wrote I realized that the really ridiculous part of the whole thing was the part the producers played. I'm off to e-mail the show.

Don't watch that show or any like them. That crap will rot your brain. Really.

I'm Concerned About How Eager You Are To Incorrectly Use The Word Anxious

2008-02-06T13:55:00.000-05:00

Alright, folks. Let's clear this up once and for all:

To be "anxious" about something infers hesitation, nervousness, unease, fearfulness, trepidation...in a word: anxiety. You aren't anxious to open Christmas gifts unless you're wondering why the box with holes in it isn't making sounds anymore. Be "eager" all you want. It's the pleasant one.

P.S. It's not, "I could care less" unless you are trying to illustrate that very point. The expression is "I couldn't care less." As in I have nothing left to give you; I'm at the bottom.

And I do care that you keep saying this wrong. But it's possible you couldn't care less that I care.

REQUESTED ADDENDUM: Chosen©er has commented that he would like me to address the difference between "flesh out" and "flush out."

As noted on the website Common Errors In English, located in the links to the right, the two terms are not interchangeable but are somewhat similar. I quote their entry:

To “flesh out” an idea is to give it substance, as a sculptor adds clay flesh to a skeletal armature. To “flush out” a criminal is to drive him or her out into the open. The latter term is derived from bird-hunting, in which one flushes out a covey of quail. If you are trying to develop something further, use “flesh”; but if you are trying to reveal something hitherto concealed, use “flush.”

That's pretty straightforward, but, then, so was the whole "couldn't care less" issue. Confusion is to be expected in situations involving a partial truth that is being withheld for an unspecified reason. For instance, if a murderer was being interrogated by the police, they might want to flesh out the details of how he committed the crime, of which they might know some of the details, while flushing out a motive from the perpetrator.

Things get really confusing if the victim is a rhinoceros and the murderer is a bird hiding in grass. I would be anxious about interrogating the bird.

Who Wears The Pants Around Here, Anyway?

2008-02-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

Many of you that know me know that I don't give a rat's ass about football or any other sport. Which if you listen to the throngs of women who lament their husbands' devotion to sports should be good thing. Or so I thought.

My wife, who previously has only expressed occasional interest in sports and only if it involved a group of people, informed me mid-week that she needed to watch the Superbowl so that she would be able to talk about it on her business trip this week. Go figure.

Now, she had bought some new slacks for her trip, but they were an inch and a half too long. There wasn't any time to take them for professional alterations so I broke out the Singer manual for the sewing machine and started reading. That's right, while the Superbowl played in the den, I sat in the kitchen learning how to sew a blindstitch.

A blindstitch is particularly difficult because of having to tweak the settings on the machine to get it just right. The fact that the pants I was altering were purchased earlier in the day for $120.00 didn't help. Nor did the cursory instructions in the manual which amounted to three poorly illustrated steps.

In the end, the whole alteration took about three hours because there was a serious learning curve to overcome. But I must say that I'm really proud of the job I did. The pants look good.

Now, some of you might accuse me of being metrosexual for my transgression against THE testament to testosterone ("a lot of alliteration from anxious anchors"). But let me assure you I am not. For one, God didn't give me an affinity for hair care products...or the head of hair to use them on. And aren't footballs sewn, anyway? Damn right they are!

There Will Be Paul Thomas Anderson

2008-01-31T23:37:00.000-05:00

You know, when Paul Thomas Anderson's newest movie was released I couldn't wait to see it. I had downloaded the trailer and played it over and over. There Will Be Blood promised to be what is more and more rare for me: a film experience that transcends the normal movie-going fare. A movie that stays with you for days after you walk back out into the light.

This film proved to be just that. I have been thinking about the movie for almost two weeks now and I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

Of course, Daniel Day Lewis was amazing, but that was almost a given. The movie is incredible in scope, daring, new, and all kinds of other great words that don't come immediately to mind. It is above all "real." As a matter of fact it feels more real than most documentaries. But I'm still not sure I love it.

Everyone else does. Just check out the end of the Wikipedia article for the list of all of the awards and nominations it has received. But that still doesn't help me know how to feel about it.

Maybe I'm not smart enough to get it. The critics aside, I know that this movie is great; I just don't know if I liked it. Am I making sense?

Since I can't seem to coalesce my thoughts on There Will Be Blood let's talk about another P. T. Anderson movie; Magnolia.

Magnolia, for me, was that transcendent gem. Sometimes people ask me what my favorite movie of all time is and I always reply that I don't have one. But I know that this movie is in my top ten. (It's also on my list of films that always make me cry.)

It stars Tom Cruise, Jason Robards, William H. Macy, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Julianne Moore just to name a few.It's a massive story of eight lives interwoven, and, unlike other movies which have tried, this one succeeds at keeping it all together. There are some not-so-nice characters in the mix, but no matter what they have done, they are all united in their pursuit of forgiveness.

Now, I know Tom Cruise the person might not be your cup of tea. But Tom Cruise the actor in Magnolia is truly amazing. I used to say that Tom Cruise deserved an Oscar for his part in Rainman instead of Dustin Hoffman (admit it. It was Cruise that held that film together.) But if he ever deserved a nod, this performance was it. Hell, the scene at his father's bedside is deserving of a national holiday.

And the soundtrack! Did I mention the soundtrack?! Aimee Mann for the songs and Jon Brion's gorgeous score. It's as much a character in the story as the others I mentioned.

Anyway, I stumbled upon the entire movie on YouTube. It's in parts but the quality is really good. So for anyone reading this that hasn't seen the film and still doesn't feel like plopping down $4 for a rental, just click on this link and watch for free. I promise you won't be disappointed.

And see There Will Be Blood. I would love to have someone tell me how I feel about it.

My New Favorite Word

2008-01-31T01:16:00.000-05:00

My new favorite word, courtesy of Luke, is: "Lasterday."

Work it into conversations. Impress your friends and associates. Be on the cutting edge of today's vocabulary revolution.

I Love This

2008-01-30T22:44:00.000-05:00

No One's Gots To Know But Us

2008-01-30T21:05:00.001-05:00

I am not looking to turn this blog into a political debate. The last post wasn't really about politics was it? It was about a picture of a candidate.

But now I am going to go a little political and suggest you visit the website glassbooth.org. It's a website that claims to make an unbiased recommendation as to your similarity to the candidates based on your answers to questions. The issues are linked to Wikipedia articles (again with the bias argument) that explain the issues if you aren't familiar with them enough to answer the question. The site also backs up their conclusions with direct quotations from the candidates on the issues; which have all been attributed to the candidates by other sources that I cross-referenced.

Now, I suppose for some of you whether you agree that the site is unbiased or not will depend on whether the site says that you are similar to the candidate that you already think you like. And it should be noted that the site only rates your similarity to the candidates on the issues; it doesn't rate character or a candidate's "like-ability."

The site gives you the three most similar current candidates and then allows you to see how you stack up against the other candidates, even the ones who are no longer running. You can also sort your results by the issues if you want.

I took the quiz three times with slightly different responses to the questions and found that my top three candidates were the same with slightly different similarity percentages. I also found that none of the candidates scored against me higher than 75% or lower than 54%. But I think that's a result of my centrist views on many of the issues. I have read many other sites that recommended this website that scored some candidates very high and very low.

Anyway, you've got nothing to lose and it only takes about five minutes. I'm not advocating voting according to this site's recommendations alone; it's just another tool to use in making an informed decision.

As I type this, I'm watching the circus that is the Reagan Library Debate (there are four candidates on stage aren't there? Shame on you Anderson Cooper! Moderate!) It would be easy in all of this craziness that is our nomination process to forget what a heavy responsibility voting is.

Edwards: The CANDIDate?

2008-01-02T00:13:00.001-05:00

You know, this picture was on the cover of Newsweek magazine two weeks ago. They have been doing each of the candidates for the past few months. Now, this picture seemed kind of candid when I first looked at the magazine. You know, a private moment with the candidate as he really is. But the more I noticed about it the more I realized just how carefully crafted this picture was.

Let's start with the tie. Now any man knows that what he's doing in this picture is pulling his tie up, not loose. You don't loosen a tie with two hands. Nope, the tie means he's getting ready. You put your tie back on when something important is about to happen and you need to look your best. Maybe, let's say presidential.

Now let's look at the sleeves. That's right, they're rolled up in seeming contradiction to the tie. The rolled up sleeves imply that he's a working man willing to...well, roll up his sleeves. He's ready to get dirty to get the job done. You know, the common man. Someone that might work in a mill, for instance.

"But what about the watch?" you say. Well, hold your horses I'm about to get to that. What kind of watch is it? An athlete's watch. No Omega or Rolex. Nothing fancy or elitist about that watch at all. Probably came from Wal-Mart. But it speaks volumes. It says that he's healthy and taking care of himself. Ready for a fight.

Or maybe he really is a man of contradictions.

The Press

2008-01-01T20:23:00.000-05:00

I was recently having dinner with friends and our conversation turned (don't ask me how, I don't remember) to a spirited debate about the relationship between firefighters and the press. Now I will readily agree that most firefighters approach the press with an "adversarial" attitude...because I do.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the First Amendment and I fully believe in a free press. Journalism has accomplished some amazing things (I'm watching All The President's Men as I type.) Freedom of Speech is a sacred thing in this country and for good reason. However, the protection of the First Amendment does not protect anyone from being disliked for what they say and I think this is something that people forget from time to time. As they say, "I'll fight to the death to protect your right to say whatever you want and my right to retort by calling you an a**hole." (Maybe I took a little liberty with that last part. But it's my right, right?"

I digress. And that's not how the conversation at dinner went. And this blog entry is not meant as a one sided continuation of that debate. It's merely offered as an expansion of my thoughts on the subject.

The argument was made that the press have a job to do and they will get it done. If an entity, such as a Fire Department, doesn't supply the press with information when they need it they will fill it somehow; the old "Nature abhors a vacuum". My friend argued further that the relationship would be much improved if the Fire Department would be more accommodating to the press.

I totally agree with my friend's points and I hope my demeanor during our discussion didn't belie that fact. But Cool Hand Luke said, "Callin' it your job don't make it right." And I must argue that the antagonistic relationship that exists is based in past experience. I personally have witnessed cameramen coming into active scenes, past tape that reads "Fire Scene Do Not Cross" to get pictures of what is going on. The immediate problem with this is that it puts the cameraman in an area deemed "hazardous" by the Incident Commander where they potentially could become "part of the story." The greater concern is that it is distracting to those who are trying to do a job in a very dangerous and chaotic environment. As an Incident Commander I can tell you that I take the safety of those working under my supervision very seriously, whether they are 3 or 100. I take a very aggressive and vindictive attitude toward anyone who would jeopardize their safety directly or indirectly.

As I said before, I understand the role of the press and their right to a story. But the press, specifically the television news programs, seem more interested in presenting images before they know what to caption the picture with. I can recall at least ten times in the last year when a local news program has gotten video of a house fire or automobile accident and presented it immediately (often breaking into other programming) while admitting, "we have no details on this incident at this time but have a team en route." I ask: Why is a house on fire a news story? I mean, really! It's a story to the people who own the house, their friends, and family. But is it news for the rest of us? And how horrible would it be to find out you lost everything on the television in McDonalds?

I think a good litmus test for the media to ask of every story is this: How probable is it that this will still be news tomorrow?

You know, I think that my antagonistic attitude to the press comes from my belief that many of them will forego the common ethics of decency for the sake of "getting a scoop." I wonder if they had total access to some of the things I've seen, would they show it on the news just to be the first? Now, I could list some pretty horrible things here that no one would ever want to see on their television during supper to prove my point. But I would be no better than those that I criticize here. I would be using those terrible things to further this article and it's not respectful to the victims' memories or families.

Firefighters can be a**holes. God knows I know that we're not all as good as we could be. There are plenty of us who fall far short of the "sacred" image of the firefighter. Take for instance the allegations of a prostitution ring being run out of Washington D.C. firehouses. And the idea of the press is a noble one. The press protect our society as much as soldiers, firefighters, police, or anyone else standing a watch.

What I hope for is that everyone entrusted takes that trust as seriously as I do. That's all.

New Year's Resolution Suggestions

2007-12-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

Here are just a few ideas for cutting down on waste and becoming less of a "consumer" in the new year. They're small things really, but if everyone did them...

1. Buy some reusable grocery bags. Paula and I bought four bags a few months ago. They are very strong and shaped like the old paper grocery bags but with handles. Gone is that drawer in our kitchen that was filled with plastic bags that we didn't want to just throw away. The reusable bags are relatively inexpensive and a great way to do your part in cutting down on the half trillion plastic bags consumed this year alone.

2. Buy some fluorescent light bulbs. I'm not advocating replacing all of your light bulbs. After all, there are certain applications which require certain kinds of light. But for everyday use in lamps and overhead lights, the new fluorescent lights are really an improvement over the first ones that hit the market years ago. They use a lot less energy which is good for the planet and good for your wallet. One warning: they contain mercury so you need to dispose of them properly or your not really helping the environment at all.

3. Slow down. The government runs a fuel economy website that says, among other things, that for every 5 mph that you speed over 60 mph, it's like paying an additional 20¢ per gallon of gas. For my pick-up that means the following: if I drive the same speed as the others on the expressway filling my tank costs me an additional $13.80. Thas-a-lotta-munee.

4. Recycle. We got into the recycling program with our county sanitation department a little more than a year ago. Since then we have noticed a drastic reduction in the amount of garbage that goes out to the street every Monday and Thursday. If I had to estimate I'd say we have cut our trash output by two thirds. That's substantial and who could say that's a bad thing.

Holiday Tip #1

2007-12-02T22:01:00.001-05:00

After years and years of stringing lights on a Christmas tree I finally arrived at the best way to do it: instead of starting at the bottom and encircling the tree as you go up, string the lights from bottom to top and then back to the bottom again until you've gone all the way around the tree. If done correctly you won't be able to tell the difference in how the lights look on the tree and when it comes time to pull them off it will be much easier.

What Would Be Wrong About Being Wrong?

2007-11-21T07:02:00.000-05:00

You know, in talking to people about current events I have come to the realization that there are a lot of people out there that don't take the whole Global Warming thing seriously. As mentioned in the Newsweek article on the subject, sceptics don't like the label "deniers" but instead prefer "doubters." That's a subtle difference but I'm going to make it the crux of my argument.

Through the ages one thing in science has remained undisputably true: There is nothing that is impossible, only improbable. Label something beyond the realm of possiblility and you can rest assured that it will be found to be fact. As Tommy Lee Jones' character says in Men In Black, "a thousand years ago everybody knew as a fact, that the earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was flat...imagine what you'll know tomorrow."

Now, for me the really surprising thing about the whole debate is that for the most part it seems to be drawn along liberal/conservative political divisions. I can't quite figure that out. Making the argument political seems to relegate it to a question of economics and maybe I should start thinking of this whole thing in those terms.

There are extremists on both ends and they have done their part to shape the discussion by polarizing the subject. The most common characterizations go that anyone that believes we are affecting our environment is a "treehugger" more concerned with bark beetles than people, and anyone that is a "doubter" would sell their grandmother to make a buck. However, the truth is that for the most part we are all centrist; as one person I know put it: "My wallet says I'm a conservative but my heart says I'm liberal."

Surely there would be economic ramifications to changing how businesses do busisness in a greener world. But haven't we seen some of the same dread before? Didn't the South make the argument that their industry couldn't survive without slave labor? Then the same argument was made at the turn of the century about child labor. With each sucessive change industry and our economy has adapted and we now look back and wonder, from a moral high ground, how those systems ever came to be in place, when we all know that the answer is pure economics.

Now, I'm not demonizing the doubters as proponents of slavery, child labor, or other evils (after all, that's the job of the "treehugger" extremists of this debate.) On the contrary, I take a much less drastic approach to the problem. The fact that the doubters avoid the title "deniers" implies that they are not 100 percent sure of their position; there is room for doubt. So, how can they afford to be wrong? I mean, if there is any hint of merit to the global warming concept, and we might possibly be headed for dire straits, do we dare take the chance to be wrong?

Contradictions Of The Day

2007-11-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

1. Frosted Mini-Wheats Big Bite (pictured at right and found on the shelf at my Publix.) Need I say more?

2. I saw a car this morning with a sign on it that read: "Make $8000 a month 10 Persons Needed." The sign was actually some shoe polish on the rear window of a beat to hell Chevy Lumina. $8000 you say? Chevy Lumina held together with bailing wire? Well, anything fancier would be ostentatious now wouldn't it?

Because He Said It Betterer

2007-11-04T09:49:00.000-05:00

I am posting an editorial piece from Newsweek in violation of copyright laws. I had thought about composing a post on this very subject but Mr. Ellis Close has beaten me to the punch and hit more efficiently and effectively with the choices he made in composition.

Ignore the Noose Makers
Because of lynching's violent, racist history, the mere invocation of it can make people insanely angry.
by Ellis Cose

In an age when lynching is no longer accepted, what is the meaning of a noose? When a twisted rope, evocative of such a hideous history, hangs so far away from the horrors that defined it, is it still worth getting worked up about? Or when nooses appear on trees, on doors and in well-traveled public places, should we dismiss them as tasteless diversions? Cries for attention from sick, benighted souls? If only the questions were purely hypothetical. In the past few weeks, nooses have appeared in numerous places, spawning an orgy of coverage along with questions about their significance and potential harm.

The catalyst seems to be the brouhaha in Jena, La. Last year six black students there were accused of beating up a white student after three nooses were found hanging from a tree outside a school. The blacks were charged with attempted murder. Though the charges were subsequently reduced, outrage over the students' being charged with such a serious crime culminated in a demonstration last month that drew an estimated 10,000 protesters to the tiny town of 3,000.

Now, it appears, nooses have become the totem of choice for some troubled people. Earlier this month a black professor at Columbia University's Teachers College found a noose hanging from her office door. USA Today recently cataloged an array of such incidents: nooses at the University of Maryland, in a Long Island, N.Y., police locker room and in a bus-maintenance garage in Pittsburgh, to name a few. RACIAL CRISIS? OR JUST ROPE IN THE HANDS OF FOOLS? asked the headline atop a New York Times column.

I'd lay odds on the latter. This is an outbreak of copycat idiocy perpetrated by mean-spirited people who get a thrill out of seeing others riled up. And a lot of people have taken the bait. At Columbia, the noose spawned a rally in support of the targeted professor. In her State of the College address, president Susan H. Fuhrman said the perpetrator had "targeted all of us who believe in diversity."

It's unclear exactly what effect the noose was supposed to have. But it is clear that it stirred emotions out of proportion to its threat. The reason, of course, has to do with the history of the noose—or, to be more precise, the legacy of lynching.

Between 1882 and 1951, more than 5,000 people were lynched in the United States, according to statistics kept by the Tuskegee Institute. Not all were black. Roughly a fourth were white, Mexican or Asian. But lynchings of blacks were different from lynchings of whites. Many were "spectacle" lynchings, public rituals designed to make the point that "black bodies still belonged to white people," writes Cynthia Carr in "Our Town," which explores a 1930 lynching in Marion, Ind. Newspapers and public officials frequently egged on the lynch mobs, plying them with lurid (and often false) details. "Stories of sexual assault, insatiable black rapists, tender white virgins … were the bodice rippers of their day … The cumulative impression was of a world made precarious by Negroes," reports historian Philip Dray in "At the Hands of Persons Unknown."

Because of lynching's violent, racist and sexually charged history, the mere invocation of it can make people insanely angry—or, as Clarence Thomas demonstrated during his Senate confirmation hearings (when he referred to his treatment as a "high-tech lynching"), silence a roomful of normally loquacious politicians. Still, 2007 is different from 1907.

Hate crimes didn't even have a name then. It was reasonable to believe, especially in the South, that "uppity," or even just random blacks, could be lynched with impunity. In 1990, Congress mandated the attorney general to collect data on hate crimes, and the FBI pledged to work with local officials to prosecute such transgressions. More important, lynchings and other hate crimes—be they anti-Semitic, anti-gay or anti-black—no longer have broad public support.

People still engage in hateful behavior: the FBI recorded 7,163 bias incidents in 2005, the last year for which statistics are available, down slightly from the 7,947 recorded a decade earlier. The majority were racial incidents, mostly against blacks. Still, no one really believes a Columbia professor is about to be lynched.

A position paper by the American Psychological Association concluded that most hate crimes were the work of "otherwise law-abiding young people." Their actions were sometimes fueled by alcohol or drugs, "but the main determinant appears to be personal prejudice," which blinds aggressors "to the immorality of what they are doing." Extreme crimes "tend to be committed by people with a history of antisocial behavior."

Maybe it's time to stop getting so upset about these stupid gestures. Use them as occasions to educate—to revisit and extract lessons from history. And in cases where prosecutable crimes are committed, make the fools feel the full impact of the law. But to treat their acts as a serious expression of anything other than cruelty is to grant them an importance that they do not deserve.

The Price Is Wrong, Drew

2007-11-02T12:05:00.001-04:00

Recently, Drew Carey took over host duties on The Price Is Right from the retired Bob Barker (pictured at right leaving the stage for the last time.) Bob had hosted for thirty-five years, many of which were filled with some kind of off-screen drama including affairs with the staff and numerous sexual harrassment lawsuits. As a testament to his likability he survived all of them.

Often, when I'm home, I like to eat my lunch while guessing dollar amounts for things that I will never buy. But you know, Ever since Mr. Carey took over hosting duties, I have felt that he's not going to last. It's not a case of him hitting his stride. He's just not right for the job. But if he does plan to stay he's got a few things that he's going to need to address:

1. He won't shut up. Bob didn't feel the need to fill every silence with his voice. Drew Carey can't stand the silence and feels like he should be saying something. His hosting duties most resemble an announcer at the dog track. For instance, when a contestant is called down to contestants' row he calls the action all the way down; "She's getting up...She's getting up...She's running down...Here she comes...Here she comes." And as you can see he has a habit for saying the same thing twice. Even better is his calling out the numbers on the Big Wheel as they come around; "there's 35¢, now 60¢, 20¢, 40¢, here comes 75¢, now 55¢, now 95¢, now 50¢..." Perhaps he feels that a large portion of the viewing audience can't actually "view."

Advice: Shut up and let the show happen. Silence=Confidence. The people will say and do things that are entertaining. You aren't doing stand-up.

2. Mr. Carey often makes fun of the models; Bob merely had fun with the models. Drew is constantly jokingly pointing out that the models are wearing high heels while demostrating the treadmill or exercise bike prizes. Well Mr. Carey, you should know that there are a lot of us that watch the show specifically for the models in high heels. I mean, there's only so many times I can bid on "A New Car!" or the perennial sauna before it loses it's appeal.

Advice: Don't make fun of the show; viewers don't appreciate it because it makes them think you are making fun of them. And let the models do their thing; point and be pretty. They have more fans than you do.

3. The advertisers on the show seem to believe that the same people are watching as before while Mr. Carey, it seeems, is trying to make the show a little younger. All of the ads are still for "HoverRound" Scooters, mail-order diabetes medication, laxatives that "taste good," and Medicare Health Plans. Somebody needs to get the advertisers and producers together so that they can decide what their target demographic is. Something tells me the advertisers will win out.

Advice: Slow down and act more like a distinguished older fellow. Court the blue-hairs and they will immortalize you. Show the program some respect as though it were an elderly person. The viewing audience demands it.

You know, in the end, none of this should surprise me. Drew Carey has a habit of making it all about him. When he ressurected "Whose Line Is It Anyway," contrary to the British version, he made the "Grand Prize" an improvisation with him. And he was easily the worst improviser on the show!

Something's gotta give. I can't watch The View and keep my lunch down.

The Pros And Cons Of Me

2007-10-29T19:39:00.000-04:00

I had to take part in a leadership seminar last Friday and Saturday. A portion of the class was devoted to taking a personality profile to determine what kind of person/leader we were. Here are my results, unabridged, beginning with a word index of terms that apply to my personality type according to the answers I provided:

daring
domineering
demanding
forceful
risk-taker
adventuresome
decisive
observing
discriminating
reflective
factual
logical
controlled
retiring
fidgety
impetuous
restless
change-oriented
fault-finding
spontaneous
frustrated by status quo
fact-finder
diplomatic
systematic
conventional
courteous
careful
restrained

Creative Type Profile Pattern:
Emotions: accepts aggression; restrains expression
Goal: dominance; unique accomplishments
Judges others by: personal standards; progressive ideas for accomplishing tasks
Influences others by: ability to pace development of systems and innovative approaches
Value to the organization: initiates or designs changes
Overuses: bluntness; critical or condescending attitude
Under pressure: becomes bored with routine work; sulks when restrained; acts independently
Fears: lack of influence; failure to achieve their standards
Would increase effectiveness through: warmth; tactful communication; effective team cooperation; recognition of existing sanctions

Summary:
Persons with a Creative Pattern display opposing forces in their behavior. Their desire for tangible results is counterbalanced by an equally strong drive for perfection, and their aggressiveness is tempered by sensitivity. Although they think and react quickly, they are restrained by the wish to explore all possible solutions before making a decision.

Creative persons exhibit foresight when focusing on projects, and they bring about change. Since individuals with a Creative Pattern have a drive for perfection and demonstrate considerable planning ability, the changes they make are likely to be sound, but the method they choose may lack attention to interpersonal relationships.

Creative persons want freedom to explore, and they want the authority to examine and retest findings. They can make daily decisions quickly but may be extremely cautious when making bigger decisions: "Should I accept the promotion?" "Should I move to another location?" In their drive for results and perfection, Creative persons may not be concerned about social poise. As a result, they may be cool, aloof, or blunt.

Well, I've got to admit that the whole thing seems to hit the proverbial nail on the frikkin' head. I was really shocked by how accurate this whole assessment was; the good and the bad. I mean the process was pretty simple; you simply looked at 28 groups of four words and chose which one in each group descibes you the most and least. And VOILÀ! It's you in a nutshell.

Why can't they give college kids this kind of an assessment? I could have skipped over that whole period that I thought I was a hippie. Or that period I thought I was a roughneck dock worker. Or that....never mind.

If you know me and feel like it, leave me a comment about how close you think this assessment came to the bullseye. You won't hurt my feelings. Remember, I'm aloof.

Sleeping With Women Other Than My Wife

2007-10-23T20:09:00.000-04:00

Well it came around a lot sooner than I had thought it would; I'm going back to Station 2. When all is said and done I will have spent only ten months at Station 6. I had commented earlier in a post that "I shall return" but I never suspected it would be this soon.

I didn't actively pursue a transfer back to Station 2 because I had been sent to the south side of the county, to a station that had experienced quite a bit of trouble, to make things right. I didn't have specifics on the goings-on, but the department was full of rumors. The fact that I was sent for a reason had always made me feel like I would be sent back when I was done. That's why I was so surprised when I was approached by the same man that had sent me, asking me if I wanted to go back to Station 2. I don't feel like I really accomplished anything but he says I've done an excellent job.

But then, maybe I did do what they wanted me to: the station is handling the county's business as it should. My hesitance in declaring my job done is based in the fact that I don't consider the station a "station." The men and women answer the calls and do a good job but they aren't a close-knit group like I have experienced before at other stations.

And that, I don't know how to accomplish. You see, Station 6 is not like most of the other stations in the county. Literally, the building is different. It was built in the last ten years and changes have come about; changes to accomodate the growing number of women in our department.

You see, the old stations have bedrooms with minimal privacy (if any.) You sleep with someone about five feet to your left and right. Everyone from the rookie to the officer sleeps in the same room. It used to be that the bedroom was full of men, but now you are just as likely to have one or two women in there with you.

A lot of non-firefighters, when they hear of or see this arrangement, ask how it's possible to sleep like that. Well, I'll tell you that I slept a hell of a lot better than I do at the new station. The new station has individual bedrooms for everyone. The officers get whole rooms to themselves with doors and all of the other crew each get a room with a curtain for a door off of a main hallway.

On paper this sounds like a good idea. The only problem is that privacy based in a departmental fear of anything that might be claimed to be harassment doesn't necessarily serve the needs of the people we serve.

For one thing, in an old station, if someone sleeps through a bell everyone else in the bedroom sees that you're not getting up and can kick your bed or maybe even roll you out of bed. But in the new stations, you have to go bedroom to bedroom waking people up. That takes time. Sometimes that's valuable time you're wasting.

The other problem with the new bedrooms is that they are very contradictory to socializing. Everyone disappears into their bedrooms to watch their own televisions or talk on the phone. No one hangs out in the dayroom (television room) and gets to know one another. We don't have to decide as a group what we are going to watch on the one television. There isn't any talking about problems with the kids, things you did this weekend, or discussion of that movie you saw that no one else should waste their money on. No, the only time you see anyone else is when there's work to be done.

That may sound trivial but in terms of getting a station to work well, it's paramount. And here's the thing about privacy; I don't have anything that anyone else hasn't seen. As a matter of fact, I probably have less. And it's not like anyone sleeps in the nude or sexy undies. When you're woken up at 2:53 in the morning from a dead sleep after a hard day of work, you aren't really looking around the room to sneak a peek at someone with less than their uniform on. On the contrary, I have a hard time finding my shoes much less some errant patch of skin. No, picture what the person you sleep next to looks like in the morning after a hard night and multiply that by ten. Nothing titillating about it at all.

And you know what? The new stations that are built to insure privacy do just that. As a mater of fact, there's so much privacy that have felt the need to expose themselves to others in private! And that was part of the trouble from last year that we heard so many ruors about! So, it's really ironic that the...well, you get it.

Whatever. The point is the new stations are designed to fail. So maybe I did as much as I could for Station 6. Maybe I wasn't ever going to get the station to relate on the level that I'm used to in people who spend 24 hours at a time together.

Regardless, I've made my choice and all I'm waiting for now is a piece of paper that show me going home. So, if you're in the Brookhaven area sometime after Halloween, come by and say "hi."

And I'm sorry about the horribly punny and deceptive title to this post.

Photo Caption Contest

2007-10-18T00:53:00.000-04:00

Well it's been some time since we did one of these, but good pictures are hard to come by. This one speaks volumes. Yes, that's beer, some soda, a thing of mustard, and some paper towels.

This assignment is reference based: Imagine this picture is in an encyclopedia or a dictionary. For those of you with Brittanica on the brain write a caption worthy of an encyclopedia for it. For those of you who pine for Daniel Webster the picture is an adjunct to an entry; you provide the definition.

Or you can just write whatever.

Also click on the "Photo Caption Contest" label at the bottom of this post to revisit some of the previous contests. You guys are pretty funny.

Everything Only

2007-10-17T23:38:00.001-04:00

Help me out here. There's a trash can in the City of Stone Mountain with the little trash can push door on top and on its' side are the words "Trash Only."

I have thought and thought about this one and I can't figure out what that means. Every morning that I drive home from work I have to pass this can. I keep meaning to bring my camera along. What could someone possibly put in the trash that wasn't trash other than maybe some living thing? You may as well have written "Everything Only" on the side. Even if the can used to sit beside a can that said "Recyclables Only" why would you specify "Trash Only." Everything that isn't recyclable must be trash. Right?

I don't know why this bothers me so much. Maybe it's because I can't put my head around it. I mean I can't even chalk it up to laziness. It took more effort to stencil and spray paint the extra line. So there must be meaning in the act, right? Am I the only one to notice? Or does this not bother anyone else? Is this a test? I feel kind of isolated right now.

This might be my par can falling from the sky. When did you know, Truman?

Miss South Carolina vs. Your Answer Here

2007-10-03T01:15:00.000-04:00

It was all the rage not too long ago. A fetching young woman representing South Carolina in the MIss Teen USA pageant didn't say, "World Peace" and payed dearly for it. The video of her response has over 16,500,000 million viewings on YouTube alone. As though she were on auto-pilot for this portion of the competition, she rambled an amalgam of answers to other questions; questions she had obviously prepared for.

The comments that YouTube users are leaving are particularly harsh. And for what? The fact that a eighteen year old found herself at a loss for words in front of millions of people? I wonder how well so many of those typing horrible comments as they hide behind their monitors would have done in the same situation. Hell, some of the people we elect to lead the country have done worse in similar situations.

Of course, the laughter is already beginning to fade, and soon no one will really remember the bit. (Does anyone even know her name at this point?) But she's going to be stuck with it for a really long time. It might be something that she doesn't ever get past. And all because she was dancing around the truth of the question: Why can't a fifth of Americans locate the United States on a world map?

What did we expect her to say? "I blame the teachers." Or maybe, "The United States is once again moving toward becoming an isolationist society, as it did at the turn of the last century, partly in response to threats of terrorism, outsourcing, illegal immigration, and our dubious hold on the title of 'Superpower' in light of the tremendous economic expansion in Asia, specifically China. This isolationist tendency coupled with an overinflated concentration on teaching children only what they need to know to pass tests has left our schools and teachers powerless to shape the young minds that this nation will have to rely on to carry it into this new century to think globally." My honest response to the question probably would have been, "Holy crap! You've got to be sh**ing me! One fifth?!"

Anyway, I think we had better lay off this poor girl and maybe turn some of that energy that's been wasted taking pot shots to educating that fifth of us. What else don't they know?

Well, there's the lawsuit filed on behalf of the guy that claims he didn't know his aftershave would still be flammable (as long as it was wet) after he put it on. As reported by 620 WTMJ:

A man from Milwaukee who suffered extensive burns during a Wisconsin Dells camping trip after an accident with his aftershave is filing a lawsuit. Charles Lewitzke was cleaning himself up when he put on some aftershave made by Brut. When he went to start a fire at the campsite Charles, who's 81, struck a match and he started on fire. The fire resulted in second and third degree burns on 30% of his body. He's put a lawsuit into federal court, claiming negligence by the makers of Brut, along with Wal-Mart, the store he bought it from. Lewitzke's attorney says Brut has warning labels that say people shouldn't use it when they're smoking or near flames, but the attorney says he wasn't doing either when he went on fire.

Apparently Charles thought it was only flammable in the bottle. And I like the fact that Wal-Mart is, in Mr. Lewitzke's attorney's opinion, liable as well. But why stop there Charles? Surely the match manufacturer should have some kind of warning on the matches that they may cause fire.

Hey, speaking of camping and the great outdoors, our ignorance doesn't start or stop with Brut. As reported by the CDC, 177 people died in 2006 of West Nile Virus. Let's see...300,000,000 people in the United States...divided by 177 deaths...yep...equals EPIDEMIC!

West Nile Virus is not really quite an epidemic as the nightly news might lead us to believe. But one fifth of the country can't find the country?! That's an epidemic. Let's have that on the news every night. No instead, we get a general panic in the population with people dialing 911 because they "were bitten by a mosquito and have West Nile Virus." (If you ask them what their symptoms are they simply reply, "West Nile." They don't know what it is but they're sure they've got it.)

I'm rambling and it's late. Sorry. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I had one wish for humanity it would be that everyone was genuinely concerned with how their actions affected everything else. Think about how the comments make Miss South Carolina feel. Think about the court's time that you are wasting, Mr. Lewitzke. Think about the fear you put in people by yelling "Epidemic!" Think about the ambulance and fire truck that aren't available for someone who really needs them because you were bitten by a mosquito.

Think about what you might do to change the world. You never know when you might get the chance.

Okami Sushi

2007-10-02T12:52:00.000-04:00

Beware of sushi from Brentwood, Illinois. It cost over five dollars for six pieces at Publix. (I know, I know, I took a chance.) It was so bad, I only ate two of the pieces.

Paula Accidentally Creates The Best Adult Film Star Name Ever

2007-09-24T01:38:00.000-04:00

You see, Paula was giving me plot synopsis of The Terminal and when she meant to say, "Stanley Tucci" she thoughtlessly said, "Stanley Coochie." (No, it's not a word she uses. I think her tongue just got confused for a second.) But it's so unbelievably funny and it only gets funnier each time I hear it again.

I googled the name expecting someone to have already claimed it for their on-screen persona but no dice. And the real Tucci has been in some movies with titles begging to be porno-fied (the industry act of taking a legitimate movie title and turning it into something porn related. e.g. On Golden Pond becomes On Golden Blonde.)

Here's a short list:
The Public Eye
Big Night
In Too Deep
The Whole Shebang
The Core

Crowded House

2007-09-14T09:27:00.000-04:00

Paula and I went to see Crowded House at the Tabernacle Wednesday night and the show was awesome. Jeremy over at the Rockblog has a couple of pictures and a setlist from the show in Nashville.

Anyone that knows anything about my musical tastes knows that Crowded House is my band. If I had to pick one album to listen to for the rest of my life it would be Temple Of Low Men. Hands down. No deliberation.

And I don't know if it plays a part in why I like them so much, but something struck me as particular about this band. You see, probably 99% of the music I listen to was introduced to me by others for the last twenty-five years. There are bands in my collection which are immediately connected in my mind to people that shared their music with me. David I. introduced me to pre-Sledgehammer Peter Gabriel. Paula played Donkey and Cake for me when I wouldn't have listened if given a choice. David L. gave me Nick Drake before Volkswagen did. I can thank Laurie S. for Billy Joel and The B-52's. Brent Cash let me in on the secret of The Kinks. Doob played me the Merry-go-round and Emmitt Rhodes. Keith was instrumental in opening me up to Elvis Costello's genius. And of course, Michael and Jeremy introduced me to a LOT of the music that I cherish to this day: Starlight Mints, Ben Kewller, Fountains of Wayne, etc. The list of people and music could go on and on.

So thank you all, really. But when I said that Crowded House was my band I meant it. I found them on my own. And it shouldn't matter but maybe it does. Maybe it makes it a little more special. Maybe it's the difference between admiring the Hope Diamond and finding it.

Back when I frequented the record store at least four to five hours a week for music and conversation, I couldn't stand to see a Crowded House album in the used bin. The idea that someone didn't want the music was vaguely offensive to me and, I assumed, the band. So I would buy the cd's any time I saw them and then give them to someone I knew that needed to hear this music; a Johnny Appleseed of Crowded House.

So for whatever reason I hold them above all others, I do. Seeing them live is, for me, like paying homage. The Return of the King, and me a loyal subject.

But maybe now I need to be Johnny Appleseed again.

In college, a friend that worked for Capitol Records found a two disc live performance of Crowded House in a box of discs to be thrown away. He knew I liked them and gave it to me. Some of what was on these discs was released years later as extras on singles. But what he gave me was an entire concert, recorded digitally by the record company never intended to be released as a whole. Now, some of you reading this may not realize that most "Live" albums contain stuff that was recorded in a studio afterward to cover up mistakes, missed notes, etc. that come with live performances. This album contains none of those. It's pure live Crowded House.

Here's one of the tracks; in appreciation for her hangin' with me in the heat of the Tabernacle through both encores, I give you Paula's favorite Crowded House song (with band banter), recorded live in London on November 9. 1991.

Enjoy.

The Score

2007-09-11T20:59:00.000-04:00

I want to relate two things that happened with the boys just for the sake of telling. There's no life lesson here. There's no "awww" ending. I just wanted to put it down so that I don't forget.

Now, Ben's two upper front teeth have been loose for the last month. The first one was naturally coming out, the second he helped when he dove into the couch and hit the armrest. Either way, it was time for them to come out. But Ben wouldn't pull them. He avoided it like the plague even though he knew it would make him some money, which he loves.

So Saturday night he finally decided that he would let Paula try to pull it. An hour, some screams, and a bucket full of tears later it was still in there but only hanging on by a thread. Paula told him she just wanted to see it but then yanked it good. Ben was beside himself. And there was no way he was going to pull the other one.

Now, once the tooth was out, we could see that the permanent tooth was already showing. He had waited so long that he wasn't going to have to go long without front teeth. (He'll probably have them by Christmas and don't start singing!)

The next day we spent at Paula's brother's house celebrating birthdays. Ben and Luke's cousins were there and they played all afternoon. Well, eventually talk around the table turned to Ben's tooth. Ever the showman, Ben decides that now, in front of everyone, is a good time to let Daddy tie some dental floss around the tooth (like we did, unsuccessfully, the night before.)

Once the floss is on, Ben disappears downstairs. Now, Ben was mad at me the night before even though his Mommy was doing all of the pulling. I'm afraid that the boy has developed a complex about disappointing me (no doubt brought on by my parenting style.) So I just figured he didn't want to do it in front of me and I let him go.

Paula fills me in later on what happened: It seems that Ben and his older cousin decided that the best way to get the tooth out was to tie the other end of the floss to some Nerf suction darts that were loaded in a gun; the idea being that if you fired the gun at the wall the tooth would shoot out of Ben's mouth.

Well I don't have to tell you that the Nerf gun was no where near powerful enough to pull a tooth; even a tooth as unsound as this one was. But they thought it was hilarious. Paula compared it to Jackass (a horrible and wonderful television show) when those guys dare each other to do stupid stuff that's going to hurt them. Apparently, Ben and Jacob took turns upping the ante on what to do with the gun, the floss, and Ben's tooth.

They had whipped themselves into such a state of giggling delirium that when Paula suggested Ben stick the suction dart to the sliding glass door and yank his head away, he did it without hesitation and the tooth came out. And Ben was the most surprised of anyone. Score one for Mommy. And we'll go ahead and give one to Ben because accidents count.

Now, the night before I had given Ben a pouch to put his tooth in for the tooth fairy: a little velvet pouch that I had received a rosary in once. I told him that I had found the bag at an antiques store and that the owner said that it used to belong to a King. Ben bought the story and found himself putting his tooth in the same bag that a King's tooth had been in. His worries about the tooth fairy not finding his tooth evaporated. Score one for Daddy.

But Ben came to me the following day to ask if the antiques dealer "had any evidence." I rambled something about it being bad form to question the antiques dealer. Score another one for Ben.

Luke, on the other hand, doesn't have any loose teeth. But he does have a pretty nasty scab on his right knee from running at the pool. He's had a bandaid on it for a few days now and refuses to get down into the water for a bath. He won't let us touch it and it's getting pretty gross looking, old bandaid and all.

So tonight as Luke was getting ready to take a bath I said, "Hey, how about we take that bandaid off?" Luke calmly shot back, "Hey ,No." Score one for Luke.

iEulogy

2007-09-09T07:01:00.000-04:00

There are only a handful of things that come into your world, and touch your life in a dramatic fashion. Some of the things are just flickers of light during a long life, while others are consistent glows for years. For me, my iPod was my consistent glow. It was my best friend for close to 4 years.

God works in mysterious ways. My iPod and I were sitting in my truck just six weeks ago. We were listening to songs, which we did every Saturday afternoon together. Songs about sports, politics and our lives. Then a song about death came up.

My iPod did something that will stay in my mind for a long time. During random play, it played Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road twice in a row. Six weeks later, here we are, minus one. My iPod gone from my life because of a damaged hard drive. I still can’t believe it is gone.

I was never really close to the other components of my stereo system. I had a few tape players growing up, but those were mostly childhood playmates. I had an early cd player and one of the first mp3 players. But we were never very close.

I met my iPod on my birthday and we hit it off immediately. We started hanging out with the same group of artists. I remember feeling so comfortable around it. I had never experienced that before with other components. For the first time, there was a consistent portable media player in my life, which I could turn to for friendship and support.

That friendship and support continued for the next 3 years. We both created playlists of our favorite songs. We shared some wonderful times together. I will never forget them.

I can honestly say that there are only a few hand-held electronic devices that have walked into my life and changed it forever. iPod, I love you. I miss you. You have graced my life more than you will ever know. God bless.

My iPod is survived by an iPod Nano and Shuffle.

I Promise To Do My Best...

2007-09-02T22:27:00.000-04:00

Guess who's now the Den Leader of Tiger Cub Pack 563?

Ben's really excited. More so than I can remember him being about anything that doesn't come in wrapping paper. And it's kind of infectious, I guess. Sure, I'm a little anxious and eager about the whole thing. I mean, I can command men inside of a burning building but can I lead a group of six year olds?

And, yeah, I'll have yet another uniform shirt hanging in the closet. It's turning into quite a collection. And I'm sure I'll be as proud to wear this one as the others.

Luke: Grow boy and get on up here.

Let's Make A Record

2007-08-14T14:14:00.002-04:00

I'm looking to put together a mix-tape of sorts. I'm taking suggestions for GREAT songs that you think no one else has heard. Leave me the name of the song and artist in the comments. I will be creating a playlist on the main post as we go.

When we've got enough songs I'm going to upload the whole thing to one of those download sites that you can access for free. Get suggesting!

The Dark Side Of The Rainbow

2007-08-11T08:19:00.000-04:00

For those of you who don't know, if you watch The Wizard Of Oz and listen to Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon your head will explode.

Okay, now that we've gotten hyperbole out of the way...

In the early nineties, some stoner watching television and listening to Dark Side Of The Moon, too baked to find the television remote control realized that there were certain synchronicities between the music and the movie Wizard of Oz. (You have to start the album when the MGM lion roars for the third time.) Most of them rely on lyrical references that can be twisted to apply to what's going on on-screen. (A complete listing of coincidences are available here.)

However, there is one section of the whole thing that does give me the willies. It's so good that I really can't stand to watch this section of Wizard Of Oz without the music. The movie, with it's original soundrack intact seems lifeless and boring. This point in the synchronicity is the only reason that I still hold a little bit of scepticism as to whether the band planned it when they made the album (they deny it.)

It begins just as Dorothy decides to return home after running away and it coincides with the album at the specific point when things just don't seem to belong. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Great Gig In The Sky. But it has always seemed as though it didn't belong on the album. It originally fell at the end of Side 1 and I suppose it was meant to draw you to Side 2. But the fact that it really is out of the context of the rest of the album, coupled with how well it fits it's particular section in the movie make you wonder if it really wasn't all planned.

The best argument against this is that if it was planned then the whole album would fit as well as this portion does. Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen it before, someone has posted the whole thing to YouTube. And if you want more explanation on the whole synchronicity allegations then check out the Wikipedia article.

Whether you agree on the whole synchronicity or not, this is at least an opportunity to revisit some incredible music and a really fun movie that has some moments of true brilliance (read: the special effects for the tornado and "Surrender Dorothy" skywriting.)

To Be Prepared Or Knot To Be Prepared

2007-08-10T08:07:00.000-04:00

My career in the Boy Scouts ended with my Arrow of Light. I got it and bolted because, as a thirteen year old, I felt I didn't have any time in my busy life. Now, I can't wait until my oldest son is old enough to be in Cub Scouts. And Ben seems to share some of my interest. So far he has learned a Square Knot and a Slip Knot. (I fear I'm going to walk into the den and find Luke tied to the sofa.)

And you know, the fire department, at times, is very similar to the Boy Scouts. I mean there's the "Always be prepared" philosophy that both share. They learn to make fire, we learn to put it out. And every once and awhile we both have to tie knots.

It's like anything, some people get it right off, and some don't. I've got a few at my station that don't so I went looking on the internet for some sites that could help people learn their knots. I have some really good books, but I wanted something that was a little more interactive. And I found it.

This website is an excellent source. The owner has provided animations detailing how to tie the knots as well as dividing the knots into groups such as Boating, Search and Rescue, etc. Check it out and "enjoy."

Ben Kweller Is Sweller

2007-08-09T16:54:00.001-04:00

We went to see Ben Kweller this tuesday night at the Variety Playhouse. Paula and I had a really good time and Ben was great. He definitely rocked it up, but the high point of the show for me was one of his older, slower songs. Man I love this one.

Listen.

Photo courtesy of Rock Blog.

Is Your Profession Half Empty Or Half Full?

2007-07-19T09:51:00.000-04:00

Someone copied me on an e-mail that had a tag at the bottom which read:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

So I thought, "Why not try that for a few more job titles?" So, write your own joke using your own profession as a starting point. I'll get things rolling in the comments.

Joyce: The Results

2007-07-10T22:45:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the delay. We've had AC issues to deal with for the last couple of weeks.

Anyway, my votes have been tabulated and here are the results:

First Place:
Histor the Wise with "Hi, Niece!"

Totally innocuous. Possibly the worst title for a song ever. And as it happens the funniest, least obvious, most original entry of the bunch. The exclamation point at first disappointed me; like it was trying to hard. But now I think that Joyce uses exclamation points the way she dots a letter "i" with a heart; there just isn't anything behind it.

Flawless. Score = 100

Second Place:
Jeremy Frye with "Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Joyce.

The beauty here is that the "Joyce" in the title gets a bump from "Rosemary" which, contrary to it's original context, takes the form of another woman's name. Two women's names that are equally out of popularity right now. All that could change with a well-timed supermodel or pornstar: Nikki Joyce anyone? (I couldn't help myself and I searched for women named Joyce that like to take their clothes off. A Joyce De Troch took her clothes off for the Belgian version of Playboy in 1997. What's that? You haven't heard of her? Still asking 'What's in a name'?)

Minus ten points for making my idea of "Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Joyce Ltd." look stupid. Score = 90

Third Place:
chosen©er with "Tootsie 2: It Might Be You (REMIX)"

I didn't find this one as funny as true. One of my suggestions called to mind Gabe Kaplan, but Joyce really does look like Dustin Hoffman in drag. Sorry, Joyce. There's no denying the truth. And as long as we're being honest...who decided to put her on the cover? Did they think that picture would sell records?

Minus fifteen points for being so mean to Joyce. Score: 85

Honorable Mention:
Helen the Greek with "Dark Side of the Moon"

As I noted in the comments, I had considered this one as well. I don't know why it struck me as so funny. Maybe it's that I imagined Joyce doing her version of Dark Side and me listening to it while I synced it with The Wizard Of Oz. And all of that sans medicine. You don't need it when you have Joyce singing, "the lunatic is on the grass."

Minus seventeen points for being on my wavelength. Score = 83

Honorable Mention:
Boom Boom Becca with "Come And Knock At My Door"

I like having Boom Boom in the room. She's funny and she knows how to put up with crap from me and chosen©er. So here goes.

Minus twenty points because it's "Come And Knock ON My Door." Who's knocking at the door to a first, second, or third place finish? Don't answer it. We're leaving her on the porch with an honorable mention. Score = 80

Honorable Mention:
Mr. Doob with "A Night At The Opera"

I would pay serious money to hear her version of Death On Two Legs.

Score = 76.5

Here's what I thought the cover might have looked like. (Album and song titles don't reflect actual winners of competition. Some settlement during shipping may have occured as product is packaged by weight.)

Let The Voting Begin

2007-07-01T08:00:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems there are no more suggestions flowing in. I didn't want to shut this down until Jeremy chimed in and I'm glad I waited.

There were a lot of funny submissions...but only one can win. So let me formally close the contest and start the voting. Voting will be open until the one I like gets the most votes.

Joyce: Photo-Caption Contest Update

2007-06-26T10:55:00.001-04:00

So I tried to find out more about Joyce. That's when I stumbled across this list of the 100 worst album covers of all time. The comments are great. Our girl Joyce only manages to rate a measely 36 but fear not! There are some real winners on this list. The albums in the nineties wouldn't load the thumbnail of the album cover for me, but if you click on the broken link (the question mark) you can see the cover. Unfortunately, I like a couple of these records.

Joyce: Photo-Caption Contest Update

2007-06-26T10:09:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about it and I don't want to determine the winner myself this time. It's always been fun to award points and, of course, take points away, but I want this to be a little more democratic.

So after the entrys slow to a trickle I will formally close the contest and invite everyone to vote. The rules for voting will be simple: Everyone only gets one vote and you can't vote for yourself. (People without submissions and complete strangers are allowed as well. Buying votes is encouraged.) Got it?

Or should I just judge like I always have?

P.S. Those of you that have missed previous contests can click on the label "Photo Caption Contest" at the bottom of this post and see all of the other contests and awards.

Joyce: Photo-Caption Contest

2007-06-25T12:03:00.000-04:00

I was laughing at some of the past photo-caption contest submissions when I came across a suggestion from Jeremy to limit the captions to song lyrics. It's a good idea, but I'm going to limit a little more in the spirit of limiting things.

Good pictures are hard to find. I was going to limit the captions to song or album titles. Then I thought, "why not take a really bad actual album cover and get suggested titles for it?"

So here goes. This is the eponymous release by an artist named Joyce. I think it deserves a real title (although "Joyce" says it all, doesn't it?) You can make one up, or give it the title of another real album or song. Whatever, just make sure it's deserving of Joyce.

Motherboard! How Frikkin' Hard Can This Be?!!!

2007-06-23T22:41:00.001-04:00

Over the years I have collected old computers and electronics in the basement. I'm not a pack rat by any means. I didn't keep it for the sake of keeping it; I always intended to fix or reuse the items. It's just that I really have a hard time throwing things away that I think can be used again. But after so many years it has become obvious that there isn't anything to do with them.

That's when I heard about an electronics recycling drive. The county had held a collection but it apparently was only for a certain period. When I called the sanitation department, the woman I spoke with gave me a 1-800 number to call. So I went home and started looking on the internet for opportunities to recycle in the area.

I gave this one company a call and found out the they charged $10 an item to recycle. $10 to recycle a VCR that cost me $30! It would cost me $120 to recycle everything that I wanted to! What's wrong with the world? When I asked the guy why so much he said there were costs involved. I told him that for that much I was inclined to just put it in the landfill like everyone else. He "reminded" me that they were considered hazardous waste. I reminded him that $120 was a lot of money.

So then I find on the internet that Staples accepts electronics for recycling. Cool! I drive all the stuff up there only to find out that they too charge $10 per item. That was conveniently left off of the website.

Reluctantly, my conscience convinces me to hold onto this stuff for a little while longer until I can find someone collecting the stuff for free again. I call the county landfill to find out when and where and they tell me that there is a permanent collection site at the landfill. That's nowhere on the website and the first woman I spoke to at the beginning of this whole mess apparently didn't know about it either.

I ended up taking the stuff down there. At the gate, I asked the woman who signed me out if I could collect from the elderly in my neighborhood, who don't have the means to get down to the landfill. She said that I would have to pay to bring that stuff down for recycling "because it isn't from your own house." I told her that was absurd and ridiculous. I mean, wouldn't the Sanitation Department love to get a little help? Aren't they making some money on the recycling? The more the better? The less in the landfill?

What the hell is going on?!!!

Now I only tell you all of this to illustrate how hard it was to dispose of this stuff properly. It took a lot of time and almost took a lot of money. Recycling should be easy. Knowing that it's the right thing to do often isn't enough (a typical computer can have up to 8 lbs of lead in it.) There's a point when it just doesn't make sense anymore.

So if you've got computers, televisions, electronics of any kind check for an opportunity to re-use or recycle in your area. And if you can't find any I'll take it to the landfill for you.

Projection Not Reflection

2007-06-17T22:47:00.000-04:00

I posed a question while in Florida with friends recently and it has occured to me that it might prove interesting to hear the responses from a wider pool. So here goes.

If you could pick one actor or actress to be, based on the parts they have played, who would it be? I'm not talking about who would best play you in a movie about your life. No, this is who you want to be. Think projection, not reflection.

My pick would be Paul Newman. He has aged gracefully (see Robert Redford) and can still hold his own on screen (see Road To Perdition.) He's played some real sons-of-bitches (see Hud) but you find yourself liking him anyway. Besides that, you just don't get any cooler than Cool Hand Luke.

Father's Day

2007-06-17T22:40:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, Randy Newman holds a very special place in my heart. His second studio album, Sail Away includes a song called Memo To My Son, which unlike many of his other songs, is apparently sung from his own point of view.

I remember listening to the song a year after my first son was born and thinking about how simple and true the lyrics struck me.

What have you done to the mirror?
What have you done to the floor?
Can't I go nowhere without you?
Can't I leave you alone any more?

I know you don't think much of me
But someday you'll understand
Wait'll you learn how to talk baby
I'll show you how smart I am

A quitter never wins
A winner never quits
When the going gets tough
The tough get going

Maybe you don't know how to walk baby
Maybe you can't talk none either
Maybe you never will, baby
But I'll always love you
I'll always love you

The song seemed especially seasonable at the time. But today when I hear it it seems to belong to this moment, even now that my sons are a little older. I expect that the song will always apply, which is part of its charm for me. Sons will always be getting into things. They will always need advice. And their fathers will always seek their approval.

The line, "Wait'll you learn how to talk baby, I'll show you how smart I am" used to strike me as funny. Now it's a little sad as I realize so much of what I do as a father, so much of what I want everyone around me to see me doing for my sons, I'm actually doing for myself.

That's becuase no matter how much we all realize that it isn't fair, the world tends to judge a father by his children's actions. I fear that all too often I act as though this were true. But it isn't and I shouldn't. There are a lot of bad people in the world that had good parents. So this is one of the rare times when intention trumps results.

My hope as a father, is that my sons will recognize, perhaps when they too have children, that I only intended the best for them. I want to give them everything I have and hope only for their love in return.

Some suggested Father's Day viewing:

The Royal Tenenbaums - There's a moment in the movie, around the scene at the ice cream parlor when Royal finally gets it. It's a magical moment.

Big Fish - A movie about sons understanding their fathers and why they do the things they do.

Finding Nemo - How is it that a cartoon can make me cry? When Nigel the pelican consoles Nemo's father who thinks his son is dead with, "I'm sorry. Truly I am," my heart breaks. How is that possible?

Superman - "All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more... I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father the son. This is all I can send you, Kal-El." You really can't top that.

Road To Perdition - A young boy's discovery of the world that his father lives in and desperately wants to protect his son from. The moment when he tells his son that he fears he is too much like himself...or the scene where Tom Hanks and Paul Newman play piano together; the surrogate father and son. It doesn't get much better than this one. Easily on my top ten of all time.

Field Of Dreams - A movie that pretends it's about baseball.

A Window, Heroism, and A Helicopter Pilot

2007-06-17T22:00:00.000-04:00

Common Sense vs. A Window

So here’s what I’m up against. A couple of weeks ago we had a little house fire at four o’clock in the morning. It was pretty far from our station and by the time we got there most of the fire was put out. I and the firefighter with me were assigned to do a primary search of the house looking for victims.

After completing the search and reporting our findings back to command we started to help overhaul the inside of the house. This is the point where we start removing sheetrock around the fire area looking for the places that fire likes to hide.

So my rookie and I (he’s been with the department for about two years but I think you still qualify as a rookie with so little time) are in a little bathroom down the hall from where the fire was. It’s not very likely that there is any fire spread to this area but we have to check anyway. The technique is quite simple; you remove sheetrock and examine the wood behind it. Any sign of smoke or charring and you pull more. You pull sheetrock off of the walls and ceiling until you get to “clean” wood. It’s completely destructive and we often end up doing more damage than the fire while making sure that it’s out. After all, you don’t want to have to come back a second time. That’s a bad feeling, trust me.

So like I said, the fire was out before we got there. We’re pulling ceiling in this bathroom and there is still a lot of smoke in the air. I tell my rookie, “how about opening that window and getting some of this smoke out of here.”

At this point I turn and go back to pulling sheetrock, when CRASH! There goes the window. I turn quickly and see my rook putting his puller through the glass. Once he has broken most of the glass he takes the tool and rakes it around the sides cleaning out all of the glass. Then, as if that wasn’t enough damage, he takes the tool and knocks the entire window out of the wall into the back yard.

I would remind you, THE FIRE IS OUT! There are no exigent circumstances that demand quick and decisive action. I assumed (and we all know what that makes me yet again) that he would simply open the window.

It’s common sense, right? But that’s what I’m up against. For all too many of the younger guys, the mere idea that fire is somewhere in their vicinity is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. A crazy bull that’s got something to prove.

Intentions vs. Results

Perhaps you’re thinking that, like my previous post, I should consider rewarding intentions. And they do have good intentions. They sincerely want to help, but intentions aren’t going to save anyone.

Yes there is something admirable about the intention. But good intentions don’t get the job done. There are a few calls that I will always remember; that I play over and over in my head thinking about what I would have done differently. Calls where intentions fell horribly short.

I hear people labeling firefighters “heroes” all of the time, and my reflex is to cringe somewhere in my head, out of sight. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment or understand how they feel. After all, firefighters have heroes, too. It's just that I don't necessarily agree. But it has caused me to examine what, in my opinion, a hero is.

I recently read John McCain’s book Why Courage Matters where he discusses people who have displayed unbelievable courage, many in the face of death. He argues that our society today carelessly applies the word lessening its impact. The labeling of someone as courageous, because they lost a lot of weight, cheapens the word where it applies to what he considers real courage.

At first I wholly agreed with him. He definitely presented examples of people who have shown immeasurable courage; people who have done things I can’t imagine myself doing. And that’s when I realized what I define as courageous; what I think makes a hero.

Your Hero vs. My Hero

For me, a hero is simply someone who’s willing to do something I am not.

That’s it plain and simple. It could be losing weight if I wasn't willing to do it. So I don’t see firefighting as heroic because it’s something I do. As a firefighter I don’t strive to be a hero. I realized a long time ago that what I want from my career instead is the opportunity to just once make a real difference.

(You see most firefighters are trained to do the same things in similar situations. What I long for is that moment when I can be the difference. A moment when my perspective, my experiences, etc, help me to see a scene differently and dramatically change the outcome for the better. (I know someone who I have witnessed do this twice. It fills me with admiration and, to be perfectly honest, a little envy.) That won’t make me a hero, though. I don’t want that. I don’t even want recognition for making the difference.)

Brave vs. Stupid

An old man at a campground latrine (it’s a long story) once told me that “brave and stupid” where two sides of the same coin. I knew then that he was right. The only difference in the two is how things end up.

And it’s doubly true for heroes. If all they can claim is good intentions then their actions, the chances they take, are more often than not viewed as mere stupidity. And if they succeed? Well then, we consider them brave enough to do something we might not have.

You know years ago, there was a shooting in the food court of Perimeter Mall. If I remember correctly, the man who did the shooting said that he heard voices that told him to do it. He was disarmed by a man who simply walked up to him and got him to put down the gun. This man saved an unknown number of people through his simple action. Afterwards he refused to speak to the news and disappeared back into his life. I’ve often wondered, working and living in the area for a period, whether I unknowingly met him. How amazing would that be? This guy made the difference and was a hero at the same time.

Let’s bring it back to firefighting and talk a little about the rescue at the Fulton Cotton Mill fire a few years ago. If you remember, the entire mill, built of heavy timber and in the process of being converted into lofts, went up in flames trapping the crane operator at the top of his crane above the inferno. An Atlanta firefighter tethered himself below a helicopter and was lowered to the crane where he rescued the crane operator. It was very dramatic and was shown live on local television (and on CNN if I’m remembering correctly.)

Months later, I was approached at work by representatives of a church group who wanted to give an award to a “hero.” They asked if they could give it to Matt Mosley, the Atlanta firefighter who had affected the rescue. (Matt Mosley, after the rescue, had been very visible. He was given a vacation to Disney World for his family and was all over the news for a few weeks.) I told them that would be nice but suggested instead that they give the award to the helicopter pilot.

You see, even though it took guts to get on the end of that line I know that there were probably ten other firefighters ready to do it. But what most people don’t know is that they tried to get one of the many news helicopters at the scene to fly over the fire for the rescue and they all refused. It was just too dangerous. But the Department of Natural Resources pilot volunteered. He did what no one else would do. Without him the crane operator was dead. He’s the hero of that story. And I bet you don’t know his name.

W-I-N-N-E-R

2007-06-13T22:38:00.000-04:00

I have to say that the one that made me laugh the hardest was from Chosen©er with, "2-4-6-8, let's all go re-caffeinate!"

Thanks to everyone else that contributed.

P-H-O-T-O-C-A-P-T-I-O-N-C-O-N-T-E-S-T

2007-05-19T00:17:00.000-04:00

That's right it's photo caption contest time again. And this one comes straight from the pages of Newsweek magazine.

You have to hand it to Newsweek, when China takes over the world, they'll be the ones saying, "We told you so." It seems like every issue ties some aspect of our lives to the Chinese and how they are doing it better or faster or cheaper. Is nothing safe?!!

Perhaps you thought cheerleading was safe. It's pretty all-American isn't it? Don't bet on it. The Chinese have set their sights on it and keep appearing at the annual Cheerleading Worlds which Newsweek describes as "the Super Bowl of spirit competitions."

But are we our own worst enemy? I submit this picture which accompanied the article. Forgive the quality. The only way I could get it here was to take a picture of my computer screen (don't ask.)

That's not what I remember cheerleading being about. As a matter of fact, these people look a little scary to me.

Take this young lady for instance. She looks like she's got someone in her sights that she's about to assualt with her pelvis.

And what about this guy? He's either the "ooh-ooh" portion of the cheer or he just pulled a groin. Strike that...maybe pelvis girl just gave him a fist of fury in the pyramid maker.

And how about her? She looks happy, right? Maybe?

But not as happy as her. I mean, I've seen happy and that's it.

But she's definitely not as happy as he is. Nobody is as happy as he is.

So here's the assignment: Come up with a cheer for this picture. It doesn't have to be a whole cheer. Maybe just the line that they are screaming at this very moment. Try to keep it clean. Well, as clean as this picture so that should give you considerable latitude.

Get your cheer on!

Less Is More Or Less

2007-05-12T09:45:00.000-04:00

In the comments to my posting on the movie The Thing, I was asked if there was a genre of film where more is better than less. It's a hard question and one that I have contemplated for the last couple of weeks or so, while I imagined a coat hanger snaking it's way up my nose to relieve the ridiculous pressure inside my very infected ethmoid sinus.

Anyway, I don't know if the question was proposed to make a point or if it was a real question. But my answer, it turns out, is in response to either.

I can't really find an entire genre of film in which "more" is better than "less." Take comedies, for example. I think that the Naked Gun movies are ridiculously funny. The stupider the better. But I think that the television shows like Scrubs, The Office, and 30 Rock are not good because they go too far. They aren't ridiculously funny, just ridiculous. What's the difference? I don't really know. Maybe it's that with the Naked Gun movies the jokes come so fast that you can't see them coming. When I watch 30 Rock and the others I tend to see the jokes coming.

The movie Flash Gordon, which is very dear to my heart, is a very fine example of a "More Is More" approach. I don't know where I could improve on that movie's absolute...well let's just say it: badness (which I love.) Everything in that film is so exaggerated and wrong I wouldn't know where to start. I mean, what can you say about a film where the most subtle performance is by someone in a lizard suit? "Halt LizardMan...EEEEK!" And I love this movie. Wouldn't change a thing.

When I considered all of the other genres of film I came to the same conclusion as with Comedy; examples abound which illustrate both a "Less Is More" and a "More Is More" philosophy of film. So what's the answer?

And then there's the whole problem with the root concept: "Less talking is more" and "More silence is more" are the same idea seemingly contradictory. Confused? Don't be it's all going to get pretty clear in a second.

So, the answer is no, there isn't a genre of film where I think "More Is More" and if the original question was merely a point, I get it. End of discussion? Don't bet on it. While I've got you here let's talk about some of those examples.

Subtlety might be the key to why I like movies all over the spectrum. There isn't anything subtle about the Naked Gun movies from the first frame to the last and that might be why I don't have a problem with them. Maybe it's when subtlety is mixed with a more garish humor that I have a problem (The Office? 30 Rock?)

And the "Less Is More" phrase, I now realize, is hollow. It's the glass half empty or full all over. If anything, this little exercise has convinced me that I won't be using that phrase anymore. What's my new phrase? I don't know. Like Justice Potter Stewart, I don't know what makes a film good for me, "but I know it when I see it." So in the vein of our original question, let's talk about some of what I like and why.

One of my favorite scenes of all time is in the movie Close Encounters of The Third Kind, which begins not surprisingly with a series of "close encounters." The best of the three (screw the special edition!) is a very short scene involving some commercial airliners seeing a UFO. Most of you already know that when you watch the scene you never see the UFO. The whole scene actually takes place miles and miles away from the UFO in the Indianapolis Air Traffic Control Center. There are so many other ways this scene could have gone. So many bad ways. But as it is, it's perfect (and I don't use that term lightly.)

Note: When you watch the clip pay close attention to how the characters are framed (in one shot Speilberg stacks them one at a time four deep in what looks like "Mt. Rushmore from the side." Also listen to how Spielberg uses sound. The characters talk over one another to add to the tension.

(No I can't seem to get it to start without being gray for a second.)

Now that's a real subtle scene. A very effective scene. And it might seem simple and obvious on the surface, but how many movies have we all watched where we would have been placed in the cockpit? In this lesser movie we might not see the UFO but we would probably see the reactions of the crew. What Close Encounters does is incredibly effective. It ratchets your curiosity up a notch and makes you a little anxious at the same time. All done with style, I might add.

I could go on and on: Tremors, Reservoir Dogs, Runaway Train, Jaws, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Seven, etc., but I already feel like I've rambled enough. Plus, revising this entry endlessly hasn't really helped it flow any better. I seem to lack Eegahinc's gift of segue.

I Confess

2007-05-11T23:18:00.000-04:00

It's time you all knew something about me...I like the Pussycat Dolls' song Buttons.

No, it's not that the video is like a Victoria Secret runway special on viagra. No, it's not Snoop Dog's rap. As a matter of fact I would like you to pretend it's not there. No, it's not the digital chairs. I could have done without those.

Maybe it's the Middle Eastern riff. Maybe it's the irresistable melody. Maybe it's her sixties girl group growl of a voice. Maybe it's the breathy vocal accents. Maybe it's that the tempo is just right for a woman to do that walk. Or maybe it's just that the video steals from one of my favorite musical movies.

That's right, we've seen parts of this video before in the movie Sweet Charity directed by Bob Fosse. That movie is best viewed in parts. Three numbers to be exact, the best being Big Spender. The Pussycat Dolls have stolen the handrail and some of their poses in this music video straight from this scene. In Sweet Charity it's a group of dancehall girls (read "prostitutes") beckoning business from the lone patron of the dancehall and singing about "having fun" while appearing to be having absolutely none themselves. Here, it's the Pussycat Dolls; a group of very attractive women fabricated into a "musical group" that's selling music as sex. Admittedly, they have come pretty close here.

The Pussycats also steal the writhing bodies moving as one from Big Spender. It comes as the Dolls enter a large tube at the beginning of the first verse. You might think you've seen that move before, but remember, Fosse came up with that in the sixties. Every other time you've seen it sense then is some form of flattery, I suppose.

I don't know if it's borrowed or not, but the beaded curtains are great. Maybe it's the lighting. Anyway, check out the Pussycat Dolls at the link above.

And also check out Sweet Charity. Don't bother renting it; it's not a good movie. Instead, check out the good parts on YouTube at the following links:

The first is the aforementioned Big Spender.
The second is a number with Sammy Davis Jr. as the leader of an underground hippie religion Rhythm Of Life.
And the third, Rich Man's Frug, is an exercise in melding boxing and dancing. Not sure this one works so much as it captivates you with its weirdness. And yeah, for a while years ago I wanted to marry a tall, leggy, brunette dancer with a long ponytail. Jeeeeesh!

Update: Wait For It

2007-05-06T10:27:00.000-04:00

So, last tuesday the watch guy calls me and leaves a message on my voicemail. He says, "Bill, it's Mitch with Hurley Roberts. Your new watch came in and we found your old one. Come by at your convenience."

"We found your old one."

This whole experience had renewed my feelings that I was living in a giant television show (click on the Truman label below.) Previously I had concluded that one reason why that wasn't possible was the notion of self-importance that would have to go with something like that. But this exercise with the watch was too ludicrous to be anything but scripted.

And now this?!

On the one hand I would be really glad to have my old watch back. On the other hand I was kind of excited about having a new and more rugged watch. So what if this whole thing was scripted? Maybe not a television show but a scam. Could this have been, from the beginning, an effort on their part to fix my old watch and then since they now have this extra watch sell me a new watch at "half price?" (It would be half of retail but probably more than they paid for it = they score a profit.) Do you run a scam for ten months? For a measely few hundred bucks?

I entered the repair shop not knowing what to expect. Mitch brought out both watches. He didn't say where they had located my watch but he did say that it still wasn't fixed. So for the price of the original estimate, $129.00, I took home the new watch. It took a lot longer than it should have, but I have, in the language of personal injury law, "been made whole."

And yeah, that's...wait for it... my arm it's on.

The Thing

2007-04-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

I'm going to venture a little into B-Movie Catechism territory and talk about a film for a little bit.

The first time I saw The Thing I was twelve years old and was spending the night over at a friend's house. They had cable and The Thing was playing. I still remember sitting on the floor watching as a dog's face split like a banana peel. And it just got more gory from there. My mother didn't let me see most PG films so this was forbidden fruit. And like Adam and Eve I was sorry at the time that I tasted it. I had nightmares for a while after. (If you haven't seen the movie it was really groundbreaking in the amount of blood, guts, and monsters that looked like guts.

And that's what a lot of critics and regular people took from the movie (not that I blame them.) But if you separate the gore and view the movie from a storytelling and cinematic perspective the film approaches greatness.

The opening of the movie begins with a flying saucer hurtling toward earth which I personally could have done without. It seems to have been placed there for the slower audience members who later might question, "how did a flying saucer get buried in the ice?" So cut that part out.

The next thing you see is the title card in which light bursts through suggesting the nature of the monster killing from the inside out. It is genuinely creepy and was fashioned after the titlecard of the original film version of this story; The Thing From Another World, made in 1951.

The original short-story was about trust and here it was deftly fashioned into an allegory for the post World War II era in which it was made. The idea of a foreign body infiltrating and imitating someone you know echoed the concerns of the day; the spread of Communism and it's agents and sympathizers in the United States, and to some extent the film industry itself.

Similarly the 1982 version is an allegory of the times, only accidentally. Unbeknownst to the filmmakers, the AIDs epidemic was just beginning to make news. The similarities between the two, while completely accidental, are almost as creepy as the movie itself:

- The thing kills on the cellular level.
- The only way for the characters of the film to find out who is infected is to test their blood.
- The thing is projected to take over the world if it isn't stopped.
- The thing only attacks when two people are alone.
- The cast of the film is completely male (not indicative of AIDs as a disease itself but more of the prevailing notion early on that it was a "gay" disease.)

Anyway, the film really begins with a dog running over ice chased by a helicopter whose occupants are shooting at the dog. It's basic storytelling to begin the story in the middle, but basic isn't bad. On the contrary it's incredibly effective and you find yourself wanting to know more just as the characters of our story do.

Now I'm not going to give you a scene by scene blow. If you haven't seen the movie, you should. If you have then you know what I'm talking about. This movie does an excellent job of setting it's atmosphere. The music is perfect (a score not provided by the director himself which is unusual for this director.) The look of the film is perfect which is pretty hard considering there is a lot of snow and ice. Some of the lighting choices are brilliant; whole scenes are lit with flares alone. There are really great parts here.

But that's the problem. Atmosphere doesn't make a movie. And the gore keeps getting in the way.

By today's standards it's pretty tame and of course in our age of digital manipulation the foam rubber monsters and goo seem kind of fake in moments. But at the time it was a real gross out picture. Which is a tragedy because there are the makings of a really good movie here (Kurt Russel pictured below is excellent.)

Less is more. I've been saying it for a while now (ref.: "Why I hated the Jurassic Park movie.") I wish the filmmakers had opted to show us less. Some of the most memorable moments in the film are not the creature itself but the characters' reactions to it. Most are subtle changes in the face. Some are funnier moments (a certain stoner and a very memorable line.)

For me, Jaws is a perfect movie. And that movie's production was blessed with a shark that didn't work most of the time. Consequently they had to use the barrels to show you the shark was down there. It was absolutely brilliant but happened only out of necessity. Somebody out there tell me that the first shark attack of the movie isn't horrifying. And you don't see the shark during the whole thing! It's done completely with reaction and some very effective "breath" acting.

I guess I wish that The Thing had been plagued with similar problems. Its monster moments are at their best when the most subtle. For instance, the burned remains of the thing at the Norwegian science station still bother me when I see them today. They're a jumble of body parts and what looks like two half faces separated by about six inches but joined together in this truly hideous morphing of flesh that results in a grotesque expression not unlike the faces of Thalia and Melpomene (the smiling and frowning masks that symbolize comedy and drama.) It leaves space for your imagination to work.

Another memorable monster moment that still works is when the characters corner one of their own who has been taken over but isn't completely changed. At first, when he turns, he looks human in all aspects but the camera slowly reveals that he has these weird and gross crab/claw hands. The monster in mostly human form then lets out this slow otherwordly wail just before they kill it. Like I said, still very creepy.

And no, I don't see the appeal of today's horror movies. They appear to me to be no more than a competition to see who can be the most twisted. The idea of a monster that "could" exist has been replaced with the idea of a monster that does exist in our world: a person doing horrible things to another person.

Anyway, there's more good in this movie than bad. If you haven't seen it, check it out. If it's been a while since you've seen it, watch it again. Just watch it through a pair of rose colored glasses, if you will. And after all, what's more fun than pink snow?

Wait For It

2007-04-26T22:45:00.000-04:00

Last July, I decided not to get a new watch. My old one had begun to fog up on the inside and I couldn't seem to get it repaired at the mall. At first I wanted to just replace it with a more sturdy one that I could wear while at work but I found that to get a really good watch for that type of abuse is cost prohibitive. I mean, who's gonna take a thousand dollar watch into a burning building?

So I decided to get the old one fixed. I found, through a dive shop that I called, a certified Seiko repair shop: Hurley Roberts. The repair shop is in a small suite in a large industrial park. Nothing about the business, except the website, screamed professionalism but those are generally the places that do the best work, right?

Flash to December, five months later, and the repair shop claims they haven't received the parts for my watch yet. I tell them that "there isn't anywhere on Earth that is five months from here." (Or maybe it's the geographical oddity Clooney's character spoke of.) Frustrated, having few other options, and trying to get last minute shopping done I decide to give them until after Christmas.

Just after New Year's Day I pop in and they tell me my watch is done, like it's been done for a while and why didn't I pick it up sooner? Anyway, they replaced the seals and the battery.

But, wait for it -- the watch isn't running now. That's right, it ran before I took it to them. So they hold on to the watch, say they are going to fix it and that they will give me a call.

Flash to late March. Still haven't heard from them (don't even try calling because they literally don't answer their phones.) I show up at the repair shop ready to demand my watch, fixed or not. After all, seven months is long enough to get a watch fixed, right?

But they -- wait for it -- can't find my watch. The guy looking is everything you would expect in a watch repairman. He has the small magnifying glasses that are attached to his eyeglasses. He's overweight from a lifetime of moving only his fingertips. And he looks like he doesn't spend much time getting ready in the morning before driving in to work.

This guy spends about fifteen minutes going through hundreds of stacks of bins, twenty bins high, looking for the one with my work order number on it. He finally comes back and says that my watch must be in the vault. My Seiko that I got for about $350 twelve years ago is important enough to lock in the vault? The vault that is so important only one person has access?

And -- wait for it -- he's not here today. It gets better. The only man with access to the vault is on vacation and won't be back for a week.

At this point it's beyond infuriating. I'm starting to laugh about the whole thing. So a week goes by and I show up wanting my watch. Mitch, our vault man, tells me without even checking the vault that they have lost my watch. By "lost" I guess he means in the building somewhere no further than 75 feet in any direction.

So Mitch plops the old Citizen catalog down in front of me and tells me to pick out a replacement watch in the $500 range. I pick out the watch pictured above based on the features that Mitch advises I should get on a watch that is going to take some serious abuse.

And that's reasonable I think. I'm going to end up with a much better watch. I mean, I liked my old watch. It definitely had some sentimental value, but this isn't a bad solution to the problem of my fogged up watch.

Flash to mid-April. I still haven't heard from Mitch who promised to call me when the new watch came in. Amazingly, I get him on the phone and he says that the watch will be in by Tuesday of this week. He asks me to measure my wrist so that he can size the band. Sounds good. Sounds promising.

Today I went in to the shop to give him my wrist measurement. The watch hasn't come yet. He promises he'll have it by Monday.

I'm think I'm going to have to -- wait for it -- that's right; wait for it.

What I've Learned So Far

2007-04-12T01:30:00.000-04:00

This July marks ten years for me as a firefighter. What follows, in no particular order, is some of what I now know to be true.

1. “Firefighting is an inherently dangerous occupation.” from a warning label in my helmet.

2. Firefighting isn’t as dangerous as you think; it’s more dangerous in ways you’ve never thought of.

3. The majority of firefighting is common sense. A lot of people don’t have common sense.

4. There is no such thing as “Fire Proof.” Everything burns.

5. It can always get worse.

6. A small group of people can grow to an out of control mob in only a few minutes.

7. A Mack fire engine can be driven through a turn with all of the left side wheels off of the ground for about thirty feet.

8. Renter’s insurance is the best $200 you will ever spend.

9. Pit bulls are inherently dangerous and can tear a person into pieces.

10. Cars rollover all of the time.

11. Drugs are ten times as prevalent and one tenth as lethal as I had thought.

12. A lot of people don’t like cops until they need one. Everyone likes a firefighter until they “take too long” getting there.

13. Sometimes people that are talking to you will drop dead.

14. Bullets: Small hole going in, big hole coming out.

15. There are a lot of people who get hysterical in an emergency.

16. Seatbelts save lives.

17. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do.

18. Some of the best people I know I met at work.

19. Most people have better guns than aim.

20. Flies in a hotel window are not a good sign.

21. People will continue to lie even if theirs or someone they love’s life is on the line.

22. We don’t always have the best equipment.

23. Cars on fire don’t explode. Tires on cars on fire explode.

24. Receiving oral pleasure is enough to send an epileptic into a seizure. The epileptic’s “friend” who was “just using the phone” isn’t really his friend. And his wallet wasn’t empty five minutes before you got there.

25. The average taxpayer believes that a dollar paid in fire tax magically buys ten times what a dollar will buy when they use it at the store.

26. The majority of the population does not know the definition of the word “emergency.”

27. A lot of sick people don’t bathe.

28. The human body contains a lot of blood.

29. Most people don’t know the difference between steam and smoke.

30. A car can literally drive through another car.

31. Most people have cardiac arrests on Sunday morning.

32. The fancier the fire engine the more it is likely to break.

33. The prevailing wisdom is that if a job isn’t for the police or sanitation departments, it must be the fire department’s job.

34. People not in their right minds can suddenly become unbelievably strong.

35. Some live people smell worse than dead people.

36. Television shows about firefighting aren’t based in reality.

37. A drug user that moments before was clinically dead will sit up and yell at you for cutting her bra.

38. Most citizens wrongly believe that everything in the station and on the truck was bought with “their money.”

39. Most people don’t know the difference between carbon monoxide and natural gas.

40. Fire can do amazing things.

41. All bleeding will eventually stop.

42. Some dogs are not all bark.

43. Mack fire engines were the best.

44. Some people don’t want to be rescued.

45. Most firefighters enjoy the respect their occupation receives but avoid the “hero” label.

46. People with a long history of panic attacks seem to forget that what they’re having is a panic attack and call 911.

47. Your best chance in a fire is to save yourself.

48. Infant CPR is the hardest.

49. Always check to see if two Dobermans are in a fenced area before you jump the fence.

50. A burned body in a fire can retain heat for hours.

51. Being in a fire engine that is uncontrollably sliding downhill on ice and shows no signs of stopping is a sickening feeling.

52. For everything there is a first time.

53. Firefighting isn’t about being fearless. Firefighting is conquering fear.

54. 343 is a very large number.

55. A body with a bullet hole through the head isn’t always dead.

56. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. Where there’s fire there isn’t always smoke.

57. Firefighters that refer to themselves as “hero” are usually the furthest from it.

58. The protective qualities of your turnout gear can get you deeper into a fire than you should be.

59. Breaking the rules to get the job done is okay until you screw up.

60. Suddenly coming face to face with a dog in a closet while searching a smoky room on your hands and knees will scare the crap out of you.

61. It’s never the blood. It’s the fact that the dead woman has the same shoes as your wife.

62. There is nothing attractive about the backstage area of a strip club.

63. We have to make ourselves laugh sometimes.

64. A lightening strike can lead you to a dying man in time to save him.

65. There are at least twenty people I would immediately fire in our department if given the chance.

66. I will have no man on my engine who is not afraid of fire. (a corruption of a quote from Moby Dick)

67. Firefighting is the best job in the world.

68. Sometimes it’s better to lie to your wife and tell her you had a good day.

Go Figure

2007-04-11T13:15:00.000-04:00

So the YouTube people just sent me an e-mail:

Dear Member:

This is to notify you that we have removed or disabled access to the following material as a result of a third-party notification by Universal Music Publishing Group claiming that this material is infringing.

The material they are referring to is my pop-up-video minus the video for Prince's Kiss. Wouldn't you know the little purple bastard would object? Probably because out of all of the videos I have done, his had less than a hundred hits at the time it was taken off. Kenny Rogers, meanwhile, keeps truckin' on with just under 5000 views this very moment.

You Should See This

2007-03-25T10:06:00.000-04:00

First, Keith now has an official website that acts as an online resume. If you feel like getting yourself a severe case of creativity envy check it out.

Second, I found the company that does all of the Turner Classic Movies spots. They're called Raygun. The site has a bunch of spots they've done for TCM as well as Discovery, CNN, and other television channels. Check it out.

Some New Videos (Kind Of)

2007-03-22T11:35:00.000-04:00

I uploaded some videos to YouTube yesterday.

The first is from a zoo visit before Luke was born. Paula wanted to take some video of our trip to the zoo for something they were doing at work. It wasn't ever intended to be put together like this. I just used what footage she had. She has kind of an unsteady hand at times but, in my opinion, it adds to the charm.

At The Zoo.

The second is the Turner Classic Movie promo featuring Beck's Lonsesome Tears. To those of you who haven't seen me for some time, it may come as a shock to find out how little I have to do with movies now. I might make it to the theater twice a year, I might rent movies four times in a year, and I sincerely don't give a crap about the Oscars or anything else to do with 'em. But once a year I see something that makes me wish I was still trying to make it in that business. This promo is one of them. Shots of old movies put to a great song with new footage of drops of water intercut that makes for pure magic. Along with the Dow Human Element spot (you can find it in my YouTube Favorites on my profile) this spot musters a fleeting hint of regret in me.

TCM Promo.

Some New Blogs

2007-03-19T21:09:00.001-04:00

There are a couple of new blogs linked in the right hand column.

The first is David's Blog about B Movies and Catholicism.

The Second is Jeremy's Blog which features pictures he takes at the music shows.

Be sure to check both of them out. And I'm sure they would love it (as much as I do) if you left a comment or two.

Drake Bell

2007-03-15T22:29:00.000-04:00

What follows is a review of the Drake Bell album It's Only Time written by Jeremy Frye and reprinted here with his permission. I wanted to share it with you for two reasons. First, I really like the album and want you to like it too (I have Jeremy to thank for introducing me to it.) Second, I wanted to share the review for the sake of the review. Jeremy, in my opinion, writes very well and has a gift for making each review unique (I, on the other hand, tend to fall into a pattern when writing about music.)

I have included a sample of two of the tracks at the end of this post.

Drake Bell-It’s Only Time (Universal Motown)

Twenty year old tweener heartthrob Drake Bell, star of Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh, couldn’t be less on my radar. In fact the previous sentence features more information than I knew about him five minutes ago (I looked up his age). He dabbles in music, apparently, and his second album, It’s Only Time, was released by Universal Motown in December 2006. While I have no real preconceived notions of the boy, my instincts tell me I’d have no interest in his musical output. I’m glad I chose to override my instincts this go round.

The Beatles, specifically Yellow Submarine-era, are an obvious influence, but whether accidentally or on purpose, it’s impossible upon hearing this CD not to think of Jellyfish. The slick, polished arrangements and Andy Sturmer-like voice recall beyond flattery the oft-cited, under-selling early 90’s power-pop band. If you’ve ever heard 1990’s Bellybutton or 1993’s more ornate, Queen-like Spilt Milk, you will immediately recognize this precise imitation. The first track, “Up Periscope,” is a Jellyfish song through and through. During the kind of silly nautical intro, the voice over the intercom even says, “Do what you can do to avoid those jellyfish.” The guitar strum of “Makes Me Happy” is a direct cop of “Baby’s Coming Back.” Given the fact that this disc is presumably geared to teen girls, and Jellyfish’s relatively unknown status and commercial failure, it is easy to assume this is all coincidence, but one never knows.

What teen girls like makes even less sense to me now than when I was a teen boy, but I can’t figure them swallowing this CD beyond thinking the cover shot is dreamy. Sure, the lyrics are all boy-meets-girl stuff, but the shimmery, sweeping arrangements, thick harmonies, and weird instrumentation, sound enticingly out of place here. This is not R&B-flavored, over-singing boy band material. A few of these tunes, “I Know,” and the title track especially, would fit right in on Radio Disney, and even those are good songs. For the most part, though, this is an odd little sugary confection, a left-field surprise for power-pop lovers out there. As with any teen star, it’s hard to know if this is his vision or one of his handlers,’ but a little insight may be offered in the chorus to “Fool The World,” which says, “Everyone would love me, if I could fool the world.” Seeing as it will be nearly impossible for Bell to be taken seriously by the out-of-high-school music buying public, that statement rings surprisingly true.

Listen. For me the most Jellyfish moment on this entire album comes at 4:50 during this sample (the last sung line.)

Also you can check out his website for streaming audio of two more songs in the upper right hand corner. Click on "Media" and watch the video for "I Know." (I really want to cut his hair.)

Just A Note

2007-03-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Wallpaper Installer,
I noticed your van in a parking lot today and wanted to offer you a few suggestions.

1. The large sticker/sign on your van reads "Wallpaper Installer." In the future, you might want to make sure it is hung straight as you are in the business of hanging things.

2. The edges of your large sticker/sign "Wallpaper Installer" are curling up. This also tends to make me think you don't do such great work.

3. You also might want to include a phone number on your sign, unless you specialize in driving up to locations and cold calling people that might need some paper hung.

I wrote my blog address on your sticker/sign and I'm hoping that you found your way here. Anyway, just thought you'd want a little constructive criticism. Happy to help.

Bill

You Asked For It

2007-03-04T23:06:00.000-05:00

Overweight? Stop looking at fat people. Want a new car? Visualize yourself sitting behind the wheel.

Last week Newsweek had an article on a book and DVD titled The Secret by Rhonda Byrne that Oprah and Ellen Degeneres have featured on their shows. Oprah actually devoted two shows to The Secret.

(Please read the article here before you continue. What follows I have written assuming that you have.)

Let me begin by saying that I haven't read the book and am only commenting on what I learned while reading the article in Newsweek. But something appeared obvious to me that the article either failed to mention or intentionally avoided. It is the biggest conceit within The Secret.

As mentioned in the article, The Secret can be boiled down to the three word mantra: Ask. Believe. Receive. But I believe that this "Secret" has been around for thousands of years. According to the article, Oprah claimed to have been living by this philosophy her entire life without realizing it. And look how successful she is! It must work!

I suggest that the majority of people on this earth live by this creed already. I think that it has been around for thousands of years because "Ask. Believe. Receive." is the basis of most, if not all, religions of the world. It's called prayer: Ask God. Believe God is listening. God will answer your prayers.

The difference between prayer and what The Secret promises is that while practicing the Law of Attraction you hold all the responsibility for your fate. If you don't get what you want it's your fault for thinking negatively. Bad things happen to you? It's because you worry too much. In contrast, prayer puts the granting of your wishes in God's hands. If your prayers aren't answered it's because it's not part of God's plan. The Secret puts everything in the lap of the person using it. This self-help philosphy seems to hold the potential for destroying the person practicing it.

Aside from the fact that this "new" way to live isn't new, the most disturbing part of the article for me is this passage:

"The law of attraction is that each one of us is determining the frequency that we're on by what we're thinking and feeling," Byrne said in a telephone interview, in response to a question about the massacre in Rwanda. "If we are in fear, if we're feeling in our lives that we're victims and feeling powerless, then we are on a frequency of attracting those things to us ... totally unconsciously, totally innocently, totally all of those words that are so important."

If an infant is murdered is Byrne suggesting that the infant was thinking negatively? Therefore the infant had it coming? Or is it a parent's fault that they weren't visualizing good things for their child?

I can't properly put into words how worked up this article has gotten me. It makes me wish that some horrible fate befall the author, Byrne. I find myself wanting her to physically suffer to the point that she truly regrets hawking this crap. I want her to suffer until she publicly abandons her own "convictions" and returns the money she has made as penance.

But apparently I'm in the minority. Nearly 1.5 million of her DVDs have been sold and 1.75 million of her books are in print. Here's hoping none of them read this and try their mojo on me. Here's hoping I'm not wrong.

The White Whale Turns 1000

2007-03-03T11:52:00.000-05:00

That's right. We have hit 1000 visitors. Here are some stats:

--The average visitor has visited the site 200 times.

--As a visitor, there is a 1 in 5 chance you were the 1000th visitor.

Thanks for playing with me.

Prince's Kiss

2007-03-01T12:19:00.000-05:00

My latest Pop-Up-Video Minus The Video is now available on YouTube. Below is the link to it as well as Prince's Kiss video that is discussed during it.

Prince's Kiss Video
My Pop-Up-Video Minus The Video of the song.

For some reason the video and audio are out of sync in the first couple of seconds but they correct themselves. I uploaded a few times to try and resolve it. Oh well. Suffer Pope.

I Should Give Up Already

2007-02-26T20:22:00.000-05:00

First, I piss people off; now this. I found this blog a few months ago and now feel like sharing. Don Shank posts his doodles and "scraps" on his blog. I love his stuff and it makes me feel like my blog is a complete waste of time. This guy's stuff is so cool and he's constantly creating. His profile says that he's a Geometry Architect. I think he's really an artist working in movin' pictures. He apparently had something to do with concept art for The Incredibles as shown in one of his posts.

A warning: Most of his posts are of lines, trees, a character named Kurt, and other doodles. But he does throw in the occasional endowed nude woman (think of what an invitation to the Playboy Mansion would have looked like in the sixties.) And honestly, if I could draw and paint like he does I probably would draw neckid women too.

An Open Apology

2007-02-25T10:36:00.000-05:00

I have in the past made posts or comments on this blog that have been taken in ways other than I have intended. It is never my intention to address problems with my friends or other readers through this medium. I view this blog as drivel. It really is stuff that just pours out of my head and I should try a little harder to regulate the flow or at least control it.

With this blog, in its limited history, I have managed to offend some of you who have commented about it. I fear that I have offended more who haven't. In most cases I see only too late how my comments have been taken the wrong way. Sometimes, though, I can't understand how people got the wrong idea (a few people have asked me which friend's child destroyed my Dracula even though I said that it was a stranger's child.)

Let me say, for the record, that if I ever have a problem with any of you, I won't use this blog as my means of addressing it. I think more of our friendships than to do that. This is not my only means of communicating. It's just a "clearinghouse" for all of the thoughts that are either not important enough to mention in everyday conversation or are on my mind at the moment. It's just cheaper than therapy.

Please believe me when I say, "I am sorry."

The Golden Dogs Comin' On Strong

2007-02-22T09:54:00.000-05:00

I recently ordered a bunch of new music from a record store and was surprised to find that one of the cd's was a whopping $23.00. It apparently is only available in Canada or you can buy it in the US as an import. I realized too late that I could have downloaded it from iTunes for $9.99.

But my shock at the price has dissolved upon repeated listenings. You see, I bought this record on the strength of the only song that I had heard from it. It's a gamble I've taken before that sometimes doesn't pay off. But other times I find bands that I really like, and this album is well worth the price.

Anyway, this album rocks. Literally. It's a superball of energy ricocheting around the inside of the shower (remember?) A lot of the comments on iTunes mention the B-52's but I can't find any similarities other than the fact that sometimes the female vocalist sounds a little like Kate Pierson. No, I see these guys more like an angry Sugarplastic mixed with The New Pornographers. They definitely have the pop sensibilities and have turned the amps up a little more.

Stand out tracks on the album include "Saints At The Gates" which sounds like Pink Floyd's "The Trial" mixed with Fleetwood Mac's "Tusk" sung by Tom Waites. Sound odd? Well it rocks. It's the song you play fourth in a set to really get the crowd with you. Listen to a sample here.

Track number seven titled "Strong" channels Carl Newman's ensemble to the point that I think Neko Case has joined The Golden Dogs and is singing. (I found a note scribbled on a piece of paper while driving that noted how much I liked this song, which I heard on XM Radio. It's what got me to look into them on the internet.) Listen to a sample here. Hang in there for the last thirty seconds when they start trading "downs."

"Never Meant Any Harm" is the track that initiated this purchase and is still my favorite. As I mentioned in a previous post, the keyboard in this song borrows from the Cars' "Hello Again."

All of the tracks can be listened to in their entirety on the band's website. And while I invoke other bands and songs in my description of the album, let me make it clear that I think this is something new and great. I love it.

Consider downloading it from iTunes or somewhere else. Like I said, it was worth the $23.00 in my opinion, but I don't think the band will see any of that extra money. So save the dough and buy a shirt at the show when they come to town. I'll see you there.

West Elm = The Devil

2007-02-17T16:27:00.000-05:00

This is the e-mail exchange I had today with West Elm Customer Service. We bought a bed frame and headboard from them. Read below about how I will never ever use them again.

My original e-mail -

I wanted to write to tell you how unhappy I am with my experience ordering furniture from you.

We ordered a bed frame and headboard. The bed frame arrived and was not finished. By "not finished" I mean that holes were either not drilled or were off by 1/2 inch making the bed impossible to assemble. I contacted customer service and Amanda #2440 was very helpful and made me happy again. She arranged for another bed frame to be delivered and for the trouble she refunded 15% of my order. I was happy.

We received the new frame and I called to have you arrange to have the bad one picked up by UPS. They only picked up one of the two boxes. I then had to call again and have you send UPS out again.

Last weekend we were supposed to receive the headboard and had been given a timeframe at which it would be delivered. Then we received a call telling us that something had happened with the truck and delivery would be rescheduled. It was rescheduled for 9 to 11 a.m. today.

Our doorbell rang at 6:30 this morning! The driver said they had tried to call us. I replied that we turn our phones off while we're asleep.

What's more, the box the headboard is packaged in is completely destroyed. (Every box I have received from you is either completely destroyed upon delivery or just holding on) It looks like it has been repaired previously. The headboard appears to be in okay condition but I am not removing it until my camera battery can charge and I can take a picture of the box's condition at delivery in case there is damage. I am wondering now if waking someone up to deliver in the dark is a good way to get them to accept damaged merchandise.

As I said, I am very disappointed with your company in all aspects, except for operator #2440.

William V.

Their reply -

William,

west elm strives to offer quality merchandise and service to our customers. When it is brought to our attention that we have not met our customers' expectations, it is disheartening to us. We appreciate the time you took to share your experience with us. We will forward your concerns to the appropriate department. If the Head Board has damage, please contact our furniture team at 800-621-4097 and we will be happy to arrange the pick up and replacement. Again, we sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this has caused. If we may be of any further assistance, please contact us.

Regards,

Kristina Hunter
west elm
Customer Service

My reply -

West Elm Customer Service,

Your reply to my e-mail is a cookie cutter response full of standard phrasing designed to placate. Unfortunately, it has had the opposite effect. It is as though you only skimmed my e-mail; an e-mail that contained concerns which bothered me enough to write to you at 6:40 in the morning. Do you cut and paste from a list of phrases?

And your reply has a finality to it. You apologize for not meeting the "customer's expectations" while never directly mentioning the fact that your shipper woke me up this morning from a dead sleep at 6:30 (a morning that, coincidentally, I had arranged for my children to stay with their grandparents so that my wife and I could sleep in.) And you don't address why they did it. You are going to "forward my concerns" but don't indicate that you are actually going to look into it and get back to me.

Let me reiterate that the generality of your reply has removed all doubt as to whether I will use your company again; I won't and regret my purchase. I plan to share this e-mail exchange and the details of my purchase experience on the internet in every way possible to insure that others do not make the same mistake.

Customer Service Representative Amanda, #2440, should be commended for delivering excellent customer service, which is apparently in short supply in your company.

Congratulations,

William V.

How Peter Pan Gets All-Up-In-Ya

2007-02-16T09:36:00.000-05:00

Guess who was sick since Saturday? That's right, yours truly. It started with an uneasy feeling in my stomach on Saturday afternoon. I remarked to Paula that I thought I would feel better if I made myself sick. That moved right into four fun filled days at home in the bathroom as my system, unbeknownst to me, fought the dreaded scourge pictured at right. That's right, salmonella! Paula called me last night at work and said that our Peter Pan peanut butter bore the mark on the lid identifying it as a culprit in the many, many salmonella poisonings. Sweeet. Curse you, Pan!

Of course, I had considered using this image and titling this entry "Pan Gets The Captain In The Behind" but decided not to do so for fear it would be in bad taste.

Pop Quiz

2007-02-11T08:37:00.000-05:00

1. If invited to a stranger's house for dinner, you should:

a. Let your child run wild, rip a page out of your host's hardcover Dracula, illustrated by Edward Gorey, and make a joke about "owing you another Dracula."
b. Sit down to the dinner table first and sit at the head of your host's table
c. Both A and B
d. None of the above

2. If your host has a problem with your answer to Question 1, he is:

a. Acting unreasonably
b. Wound too tight
c. Not feeling well
d. Completely justified expecting you to act courteously and respect his house.