What I've Learned So Far

This July marks ten years for me as a firefighter. What follows, in no particular order, is some of what I now know to be true.


1. “Firefighting is an inherently dangerous occupation.” from a warning label in my helmet.

2. Firefighting isn’t as dangerous as you think; it’s more dangerous in ways you’ve never thought of.

3. The majority of firefighting is common sense. A lot of people don’t have common sense.

4. There is no such thing as “Fire Proof.” Everything burns.

5. It can always get worse.

6. A small group of people can grow to an out of control mob in only a few minutes.

7. A Mack fire engine can be driven through a turn with all of the left side wheels off of the ground for about thirty feet.

8. Renter’s insurance is the best $200 you will ever spend.

9. Pit bulls are inherently dangerous and can tear a person into pieces.

10. Cars rollover all of the time.

11. Drugs are ten times as prevalent and one tenth as lethal as I had thought.

12. A lot of people don’t like cops until they need one. Everyone likes a firefighter until they “take too long” getting there.

13. Sometimes people that are talking to you will drop dead.

14. Bullets: Small hole going in, big hole coming out.

15. There are a lot of people who get hysterical in an emergency.

16. Seatbelts save lives.

17. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do.

18. Some of the best people I know I met at work.

19. Most people have better guns than aim.

20. Flies in a hotel window are not a good sign.

21. People will continue to lie even if theirs or someone they love’s life is on the line.

22. We don’t always have the best equipment.

23. Cars on fire don’t explode. Tires on cars on fire explode.

24. Receiving oral pleasure is enough to send an epileptic into a seizure. The epileptic’s “friend” who was “just using the phone” isn’t really his friend. And his wallet wasn’t empty five minutes before you got there.

25. The average taxpayer believes that a dollar paid in fire tax magically buys ten times what a dollar will buy when they use it at the store.

26. The majority of the population does not know the definition of the word “emergency.”

27. A lot of sick people don’t bathe.

28. The human body contains a lot of blood.

29. Most people don’t know the difference between steam and smoke.

30. A car can literally drive through another car.

31. Most people have cardiac arrests on Sunday morning.

32. The fancier the fire engine the more it is likely to break.

33. The prevailing wisdom is that if a job isn’t for the police or sanitation departments, it must be the fire department’s job.

34. People not in their right minds can suddenly become unbelievably strong.

35. Some live people smell worse than dead people.

36. Television shows about firefighting aren’t based in reality.

37. A drug user that moments before was clinically dead will sit up and yell at you for cutting her bra.

38. Most citizens wrongly believe that everything in the station and on the truck was bought with “their money.”

39. Most people don’t know the difference between carbon monoxide and natural gas.

40. Fire can do amazing things.

41. All bleeding will eventually stop.

42. Some dogs are not all bark.

43. Mack fire engines were the best.

44. Some people don’t want to be rescued.

45. Most firefighters enjoy the respect their occupation receives but avoid the “hero” label.

46. People with a long history of panic attacks seem to forget that what they’re having is a panic attack and call 911.

47. Your best chance in a fire is to save yourself.

48. Infant CPR is the hardest.

49. Always check to see if two Dobermans are in a fenced area before you jump the fence.

50. A burned body in a fire can retain heat for hours.

51. Being in a fire engine that is uncontrollably sliding downhill on ice and shows no signs of stopping is a sickening feeling.

52. For everything there is a first time.

53. Firefighting isn’t about being fearless. Firefighting is conquering fear.

54. 343 is a very large number.

55. A body with a bullet hole through the head isn’t always dead.

56. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. Where there’s fire there isn’t always smoke.

57. Firefighters that refer to themselves as “hero” are usually the furthest from it.

58. The protective qualities of your turnout gear can get you deeper into a fire than you should be.

59. Breaking the rules to get the job done is okay until you screw up.

60. Suddenly coming face to face with a dog in a closet while searching a smoky room on your hands and knees will scare the crap out of you.

61. It’s never the blood. It’s the fact that the dead woman has the same shoes as your wife.

62. There is nothing attractive about the backstage area of a strip club.

63. We have to make ourselves laugh sometimes.

64. A lightening strike can lead you to a dying man in time to save him.

65. There are at least twenty people I would immediately fire in our department if given the chance.

66. I will have no man on my engine who is not afraid of fire. (a corruption of a quote from Moby Dick)

67. Firefighting is the best job in the world.

68. Sometimes it’s better to lie to your wife and tell her you had a good day.