P-H-O-T-O-C-A-P-T-I-O-N-C-O-N-T-E-S-T

That's right it's photo caption contest time again. And this one comes straight from the pages of Newsweek magazine.

You have to hand it to Newsweek, when China takes over the world, they'll be the ones saying, "We told you so." It seems like every issue ties some aspect of our lives to the Chinese and how they are doing it better or faster or cheaper. Is nothing safe?!!

Perhaps you thought cheerleading was safe. It's pretty all-American isn't it? Don't bet on it. The Chinese have set their sights on it and keep appearing at the annual Cheerleading Worlds which Newsweek describes as "the Super Bowl of spirit competitions."

But are we our own worst enemy? I submit this picture which accompanied the article. Forgive the quality. The only way I could get it here was to take a picture of my computer screen (don't ask.)


That's not what I remember cheerleading being about. As a matter of fact, these people look a little scary to me.

Take this young lady for instance. She looks like she's got someone in her sights that she's about to assualt with her pelvis.









And what about this guy? He's either the "ooh-ooh" portion of the cheer or he just pulled a groin. Strike that...maybe pelvis girl just gave him a fist of fury in the pyramid maker.







And how about her? She looks happy, right? Maybe?








But not as happy as her. I mean, I've seen happy and that's it.











But she's definitely not as happy as he is. Nobody is as happy as he is.









So here's the assignment: Come up with a cheer for this picture. It doesn't have to be a whole cheer. Maybe just the line that they are screaming at this very moment. Try to keep it clean. Well, as clean as this picture so that should give you considerable latitude.

Get your cheer on!

Less Is More Or Less

In the comments to my posting on the movie The Thing, I was asked if there was a genre of film where more is better than less. It's a hard question and one that I have contemplated for the last couple of weeks or so, while I imagined a coat hanger snaking it's way up my nose to relieve the ridiculous pressure inside my very infected ethmoid sinus.

Anyway, I don't know if the question was proposed to make a point or if it was a real question. But my answer, it turns out, is in response to either.

I can't really find an entire genre of film in which "more" is better than "less." Take comedies, for example. I think that the Naked Gun movies are ridiculously funny. The stupider the better. But I think that the television shows like Scrubs, The Office, and 30 Rock are not good because they go too far. They aren't ridiculously funny, just ridiculous. What's the difference? I don't really know. Maybe it's that with the Naked Gun movies the jokes come so fast that you can't see them coming. When I watch 30 Rock and the others I tend to see the jokes coming.

The movie Flash Gordon, which is very dear to my heart, is a very fine example of a "More Is More" approach. I don't know where I could improve on that movie's absolute...well let's just say it: badness (which I love.) Everything in that film is so exaggerated and wrong I wouldn't know where to start. I mean, what can you say about a film where the most subtle performance is by someone in a lizard suit? "Halt LizardMan...EEEEK!" And I love this movie. Wouldn't change a thing.

When I considered all of the other genres of film I came to the same conclusion as with Comedy; examples abound which illustrate both a "Less Is More" and a "More Is More" philosophy of film. So what's the answer?

And then there's the whole problem with the root concept: "Less talking is more" and "More silence is more" are the same idea seemingly contradictory. Confused? Don't be it's all going to get pretty clear in a second.

So, the answer is no, there isn't a genre of film where I think "More Is More" and if the original question was merely a point, I get it. End of discussion? Don't bet on it. While I've got you here let's talk about some of those examples.

Subtlety might be the key to why I like movies all over the spectrum. There isn't anything subtle about the Naked Gun movies from the first frame to the last and that might be why I don't have a problem with them. Maybe it's when subtlety is mixed with a more garish humor that I have a problem (The Office? 30 Rock?)

And the "Less Is More" phrase, I now realize, is hollow. It's the glass half empty or full all over. If anything, this little exercise has convinced me that I won't be using that phrase anymore. What's my new phrase? I don't know. Like Justice Potter Stewart, I don't know what makes a film good for me, "but I know it when I see it." So in the vein of our original question, let's talk about some of what I like and why.

One of my favorite scenes of all time is in the movie Close Encounters of The Third Kind, which begins not surprisingly with a series of "close encounters." The best of the three (screw the special edition!) is a very short scene involving some commercial airliners seeing a UFO. Most of you already know that when you watch the scene you never see the UFO. The whole scene actually takes place miles and miles away from the UFO in the Indianapolis Air Traffic Control Center. There are so many other ways this scene could have gone. So many bad ways. But as it is, it's perfect (and I don't use that term lightly.)

Note: When you watch the clip pay close attention to how the characters are framed (in one shot Speilberg stacks them one at a time four deep in what looks like "Mt. Rushmore from the side." Also listen to how Spielberg uses sound. The characters talk over one another to add to the tension.


(No I can't seem to get it to start without being gray for a second.)

Now that's a real subtle scene. A very effective scene. And it might seem simple and obvious on the surface, but how many movies have we all watched where we would have been placed in the cockpit? In this lesser movie we might not see the UFO but we would probably see the reactions of the crew. What Close Encounters does is incredibly effective. It ratchets your curiosity up a notch and makes you a little anxious at the same time. All done with style, I might add.

I could go on and on: Tremors, Reservoir Dogs, Runaway Train, Jaws, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Seven, etc., but I already feel like I've rambled enough. Plus, revising this entry endlessly hasn't really helped it flow any better. I seem to lack Eegahinc's gift of segue.

I Confess

It's time you all knew something about me...I like the Pussycat Dolls' song Buttons.

No, it's not that the video is like a Victoria Secret runway special on viagra. No, it's not Snoop Dog's rap. As a matter of fact I would like you to pretend it's not there. No, it's not the digital chairs. I could have done without those.

Maybe it's the Middle Eastern riff. Maybe it's the irresistable melody. Maybe it's her sixties girl group growl of a voice. Maybe it's the breathy vocal accents. Maybe it's that the tempo is just right for a woman to do that walk. Or maybe it's just that the video steals from one of my favorite musical movies.

That's right, we've seen parts of this video before in the movie Sweet Charity directed by Bob Fosse. That movie is best viewed in parts. Three numbers to be exact, the best being Big Spender. The Pussycat Dolls have stolen the handrail and some of their poses in this music video straight from this scene. In Sweet Charity it's a group of dancehall girls (read "prostitutes") beckoning business from the lone patron of the dancehall and singing about "having fun" while appearing to be having absolutely none themselves. Here, it's the Pussycat Dolls; a group of very attractive women fabricated into a "musical group" that's selling music as sex. Admittedly, they have come pretty close here.

The Pussycats also steal the writhing bodies moving as one from Big Spender. It comes as the Dolls enter a large tube at the beginning of the first verse. You might think you've seen that move before, but remember, Fosse came up with that in the sixties. Every other time you've seen it sense then is some form of flattery, I suppose.

I don't know if it's borrowed or not, but the beaded curtains are great. Maybe it's the lighting. Anyway, check out the Pussycat Dolls at the link above.

And also check out Sweet Charity. Don't bother renting it; it's not a good movie. Instead, check out the good parts on YouTube at the following links:

The first is the aforementioned Big Spender.
The second is a number with Sammy Davis Jr. as the leader of an underground hippie religion Rhythm Of Life.
And the third, Rich Man's Frug, is an exercise in melding boxing and dancing. Not sure this one works so much as it captivates you with its weirdness. And yeah, for a while years ago I wanted to marry a tall, leggy, brunette dancer with a long ponytail. Jeeeeesh!

Update: Wait For It

So, last tuesday the watch guy calls me and leaves a message on my voicemail. He says, "Bill, it's Mitch with Hurley Roberts. Your new watch came in and we found your old one. Come by at your convenience."

"We found your old one."

This whole experience had renewed my feelings that I was living in a giant television show (click on the Truman label below.) Previously I had concluded that one reason why that wasn't possible was the notion of self-importance that would have to go with something like that. But this exercise with the watch was too ludicrous to be anything but scripted.

And now this?!

On the one hand I would be really glad to have my old watch back. On the other hand I was kind of excited about having a new and more rugged watch. So what if this whole thing was scripted? Maybe not a television show but a scam. Could this have been, from the beginning, an effort on their part to fix my old watch and then since they now have this extra watch sell me a new watch at "half price?" (It would be half of retail but probably more than they paid for it = they score a profit.) Do you run a scam for ten months? For a measely few hundred bucks?

I entered the repair shop not knowing what to expect. Mitch brought out both watches. He didn't say where they had located my watch but he did say that it still wasn't fixed. So for the price of the original estimate, $129.00, I took home the new watch. It took a lot longer than it should have, but I have, in the language of personal injury law, "been made whole."

And yeah, that's...wait for it... my arm it's on.