Benjamin V. and the Abstract Thought

Originally Posted April 19, 2002

There have been a few developments in Ben's life in the last few days.

Firstly, Ben now has four molar teeth. Total count that makes four molars, four front top, and four front bottom teeth. Twelve total teeth.

Secondly, Ben had his first boo-boo about a week ago out back on the patio. He was trying to go up the brick steps (with mommy and daddy watching and ready to catch him). However, we were not ready for him to miss placing his foot on the step and then run his shin across the edge. He had a small bruise and some scabbing from the light abrasion. Pictures of the boo-boo will be in the next gallery and Ben will be glad to show you were his boo-boo is next time you see him.

Thirdly, Ben did something which might, perhaps, be seen as out of the ordinary only to his parents but it must bear the telling and judgment of you, the reader, before I dismiss it as "just something else Ben did". Ben, as of late, has become very attached to his mother. This is in part due to an illness last weekend which kept me horizontal and not really actively taking care of Ben. So now he doesn't like to be put to sleep at night by me if he knows that mommy is around. However, if he forgets about mommy he will let me rock him to sleep.

So a few nights ago I was rocking him and things were looking like they were going to go well when Ben heard his mother's voice in another room. He instantly began to scream, arch his back, and reach for the door. I struggled with him thinking, "Oh yeah! Well I'm stronger than you are and I can wait out your cries. I am a rock!"

Five minutes later he was screaming to the point that he began to cough. He would eventually, as only experience will teach you, vomit. So to calm him I put him in his crib and left the room. He kept up the pace for five more minutes until I came back in the room and picked him up to sit back in the rocking chair for another go. At this point he became even more angered, which I didn't think was possible, and we did the whole cycle again. It ended, as before, with me leaving him in his crib.

Another five minutes passed and I returned to try again. He still could not be calmed. So I placed him in the crib and, having been beaten down, was going to go get his mother. Just as I opened the door he reached out once again for his mother and I quickly surprised him with a stern "NO!" and a finger in his direction. He continued to scream and threw his arm to the door again as if to say, "Go Get Her!" Once again I said, "NO!" but to my surprise he seemed to calm somewhat. I asked him in a gentler tone, "Do you want to sit in the rocking chair with daddy and go to sleep?" To my amazement he stopped crying immediately and pointed to the rocking chair. Ten minutes later he was sound asleep.

The next night I was at the station and Paula called me to relate what had just taken place in the den. She said that she had smelled Ben's diaper from a few feet away and knew he needed changing. Now, Ben fights every second he is having his diaper changed unless mommy or daddy can trick him into thinking about something else. Knowing she was going to have to change him (and therefore battle him) she half jokingly asked Ben, "Do you want your diaper changed?" She was not prepared for his answer.

Paula says that Ben simply laid down on the floor. He laid still throughout the entire changing.

Now these two events might not seem special to anyone else but Paula and I have talked and we are in agreement. Ben has for quite a while demonstrated an ability to recognize a large vocabulary as is expected of a child his age. These events, however, demonstrate an ability on his part to make abstract decisions. Not a decision of "do I want the cookie or not?" but a decision between two things that he does not want. He didn't want to go to sleep but he also recognized that he didn't want to be left to cry in his crib. He chose to be rocked by daddy. The same proposition was made with the diaper and he must have recognized that it was inevitable that he would have his diaper changed. "This can go hard or it can go easy."

So that's the big development. I think it's almost as big as the first time he picked up my keys off of the table and tried to put them in the door lock. He hadn't been directly shown but had observed, stored the information, and recalled it without being prompted.

If it doesn't show outwardly let me say at this point that I am very proud of Ben and I love him very much.

And I'll bet that goes double for his mommy.