Sharon Stone Angers China

That's one of the headlines that is on the Comcast website right now. I don't know why it amuses me so much, but it cracks me the hell up. I didn't even bother to read the article because I know it can't live up the headline.

I can totally see some dudes naming their band this.

Just Because

I was reading Luke a bedtime story last night and had a brainstorm. Here's something for your pleasure. Or your pain. Maybe both.

Fox In Socks.

So Now Then...

My last couple of posts have been things that I expect a certain amount of readers to approach skeptically. One of the posts is still hard for me to swallow (and I was there) and the other comes off as over dramatized sentimentality for the sake of...well...sentimentality.

That being said, why stop now. I'm gonna spin ya' another yarn that you probably are going to think I'm embellishing. The only problem is that it's true. Every bit of it.
About a month ago we were watching some television after dinner and the boys were playing. I can't remember what the show was but it's usually Animal Planet or Discovery if the boys are still up.

Well, during one of the commercial breaks that happened to feature a pretty model Luke says, "She's hot." I turned to look at him and then at Paula. We didn't say anything because we didn't want to encourage him. You see, Luke likes to be funny. I don't mean he likes to tell jokes. No he sits and waits for an opportunity to say something you don't expect.

Now, before we go any further, let me say that he didn't get it from me. At least I don't think so. I don't sit around the television and comment on who is pretty and who isn't. But I may have jokingly said it about someone who wasn't particularly hot. So you can see where Luke might have thought he was being funny.

Like I said before, we basically ignored it and went back to watching the commercials. Except that a minute later Luke says it again. I gave him a "Luke!" Not the "You're in trouble 'Luke!'" but the "I can't believe you just said that 'Luke!'"

This time he said it during a make-up commercial with the current Assistant District Attorney from Law And Order: Alana De La Garza (pictured at right.) His "joke" just happens to be timed when the woman on the television is hot. And the same could be said for the first commercial but I can't remember who was in it.

So it shouldn't have surprised me when a couple of moments later another attractive woman graced the screen hawking something and he said it again; "She's hot."

I really didn't know what to say and from the look on Paula's face, neither did she. In our stunned silence, Luke added this gem, "My penis is sticking out."

I couldn't believe it. I know that he didn't get THAT from me! What the hell is going on?!! What's going on at that school he goes to?!!

As dumbstruck as I was I knew I had to say something. And the only words that came to mind were these: "Leave it alone and it will go away."

Which, as it happens, is what Paula tells me.

Happy Birthday, Luke

April of 2004, a couple of robins made a nest on top of a gutter under the soffet of our house. The nest was just outside of our kitchen window and made for really good viewing for Ben. To get him a better view I rigged an old video camera up to a monitor and zoomed in so that Ben could see the little baby birds popping their heads up when the food arrived.

We counted four babies and Ben and I both enjoyed watching them. It wasn't long before they were covered in fluffy down and starting to look a little crowded in their quarters. Even with the windows closed you could hear their enthusiastic chirping whenever Mom or Dad returned to the nest.

Paula was pregnant with Luke at this time. Really pregnant with a scheduled delivery date of May 13th. I was feeling pretty nervous; more nervous than when we had Ben. You see, Ben didn't scare me until they took him out and he was horribly cyanotic (medical jargon for when you turn blue from lack of oxygen.) So with the history of Ben's birth and the previous two miscarriages I was beginning to really get myself worked up.

Now, in previous instances when I thought I was in control of my outward appearance I found out later that I wasn't concealing a thing. Case in point: when I cut the first 3/4 of an inch of the end of my finger off in high school and calmly proceeded to the front office. I was told later that my complexion was a muted green and my eyes were wide as saucers.

But this time I was not going to let on to Paula any of my worry because she is a worrier and I didn't want to add to it. Besides, the birds were a really good omen. So I repeated to her my usual, "Everything will be okay."

Two days before we were to head to the hospital, we were busy making preparations. We had noticed the day before that the baby robins had left the nest for the world. Concerned about them, I searched the bushes below the nest and the rest of the yard to no avail. Hours later I spotted one of the babies in the yard with what appeared to be a hurt leg. This didn't help to ease my nerves any. After all, I was reasonably sure that the bird couldn't survive with a hurt leg.

The following day I spotted another of the babies learning to fly, with the father close by. Instantly in my mind I was the father and the bird learning its way was Ben, and that made me feel much better. But I still couldn't find the other two babies. I looked and looked but had to get back to chores.

One hour later, I found the third baby dead in the grass. Even though I had searched the yard thoroughly, and kept my eyes scanning constantly, I had apparently killed it with the lawnmower. My heart sank. I'm sure anyone watching would have thought I was wiping sweat away as I continued to mow. The next day, on the way to the hospital I prayed in earnest for that little bird.

In spite of my worrying, Lucas was born without complications much to my relief. At first the doctors thought he couldn't hear, but that cleared up in a day or two. Luke is doing great, and, consequently, I have to think that everything turned out alright for that fourth little robin. Despite the fact that, as the nurses pointed out in the delivery room, he was born at 1313 hrs on the 13th of May. (I don't subscribe to the superstition of any "unlucky number." But bird signs? Well, bird signs are different, right?)

He's four years old today and an incredible little kid. He's small for his age but has a maturity about him like his brother. He sure can make me laugh, and he can be sweet and devious simultaneously. But I'm often not as hard on him as I am Ben, no matter how hard I try to be fair. Probably because in my mind, he'll always be that little bird. The one that worried me so much, and that, to this day, I look for whenever I'm in the yard.

A Sign

"...There are stories of coincidence and chance and intersections and strange things told and which is which and who only knows. And we generally say, "Well if that was in movie I wouldn't believe it." Someone's so and so met someone else's so and so and so on. And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that strange things happen all the time...and so it goes and so it goes. And the book says, "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."

-Magnolia-

Something happened a few years ago which I have told only a few people. But events in my life have gotten me thinking about it again so I'm here to tell anyone that will listen.

I was standing in the engine bay watching a terrible thunderstorm. It was early summer and about mid-afternoon. The skies were purple and the trees were white as their leaves turned over in the wind. The lightning and thunder were building but still a ways away.

Suddenly a bolt of lightning creased the sky directly in front of me. It appeared to hit in the neighborhood across the street from the station. I ran inside (fearful of getting struck) and to warn everyone else that we were about to get a call.

It wasn't but a minute later that the bell went off dispatching us to a house on fire hit by lightning in the direction of the strike that I had witnessed.

Even though we were on scene within four minutes, all of that heavy rain had stopped. Neighbors were in the street pointing to a house which didn't show any immediate signs of fire. When I got out and talked to them they reported that lightning had struck a tree in the front yard of the house and that smoke had been seen coming from the gable vent near the tree.

Now lightning and fire can both do amazing things especially when they're working together. The neighbors went on to explain that the house was empty; the homeowner was at work.

We went to work laddering the roof and looking into all of the windows for any sign of smoke or flame. I walked around the house looking into each window, but like most windows you can only see around the blinds or curtains, etc.

As I got around the front of the house with nothing out of the ordinary to report, one of the guys on the roof called for me to come up and check something out. They hadn't been able to find any signs of fire but directed me to an attic vent and told me to take a long whiff. I could smell a scented candle. It was very distinct. Not exactly what you expect of a house struck by lightning and reported to be smoking prior to our arrival.

Now, we don't go breaking down doors unless we have to. And in this situation I didn't want to find myself explaining breaking down a door to a homeowner who might not like his nosey neighbors.

We can't explain the fragrant smell but the house doesn't appear to be in any danger at the moment. I decide that we're done here, and as I'm about to start climbing down the ladder, Lil' Cap (the guys gave him that name, not me) comes running around the house to the front and calls for our medic bag.

I follow him to the back deck and he promptly kicks it in. There isn't anyone that I can see but he charges in and then moves into an adjacent room to a sofa where a man is unconscious. Cap would later tell me he saw just the end of the man's foot through the slats of the blinds.

We start our assessment and find the man completely unresponsive. His blood sugar reading is so low that the monitor doesn't read numbers; he's in a diabetic coma and without sugar immediately might suffer irreversible brain damage or die. A few minutes later, after administering some sugar the man comes around. He explains that he is a friend of the homeowner's that is staying with him for a few days and that he is a diabetic. That explained his condition and the fact that the neighbors didn't think anyone was home. The rest is what I couldn't explain.

I couldn't explain how we got there, but only recount the events: We were led to the house by a lightning strike, delayed on scene by the smell of a candle long enough for Cap to look through a window that had been looked into by at least five different firefighters and see just the man's toes on the couch in a room with no windows.

Now I'm not a very religious man. I have always professed a belief in God and like many have been plagued with doubts. But that day was a turning point for me and I hope it was a turning point in that man's life. Like I told him as he sat on the couch, "God wants you alive."

That's it. I'm not testifying or anything. But take it for what you want. And it really happened, just like I said. So chalk it up to coincidence if you want to. Call it a series of random events that I have connected like a run of dominoes. Just remember this - dominoes still require someone to knock the first one down.