So, This Is The Hill You Want To Die On?

US Infantry on top of Hill 937 after a ten day frontal assault. 72 killed, 372 wounded. Hill 937 was abandoned shortly thereafter.

I work with a lot of smart people.

Being surrounded by smart people tends to lull you into getting used to that level of thinking, so when one or two of them spits out some radical insight that you've never considered before, it can knock you back a bit.

About a year ago, a battalion chief friend of mine in the department was having a conversation with me about one of the people he supervises who was "making a stand" about a really insignificant issue. Doug's response to this person was, "So this is the hill you want to die on?" When Doug said those ten words, he summed up what I had been unable to convey, in an expression that instantly resonated with me. Now, in case you don't fully understand the expression, let me explain what it means; or at least explain what it means to me.

Anyone that knows me knows the sum of my knowledge has been gained watching television or movies. That sounds ridiculous, but it's actually pretty true. For instance, I have done very, very little reading on the Vietnam War (Ret. Lt. General Hal Moore's We Were Soldiers Once and Young is the only book on the conflict that I have read.) The rest of what I know about that war comes from movies and television. War films, documentaries, programs on legendary Marine Corps sniper Carlos Hathcock, whatever. If I watch it I usually learn something from it.

So one of the "truths" I know about the Vietnam War was that for much of that war men were tasked with capturing hills from the enemy (there were so many hills that they were only designated by number) that seemed to have little strategic value but were sometimes paid for heavily with wounded and killed.

That's what Doug's question, "So this is the hill you want to die on?" means. And if the listener understands the meaning, the expression very succinctly conveys to the listener three core concepts:

1. You're prepared to fight me to the death on this
2. I think what you're fighting me over is not strategically worth what you're willing to sacrifice
3. You are going to lose (die on this hill)

If you didn't notice, the concept that's missing from this list is righteousness. And that's the hardest pill for some people (me for a large portion of my life) to swallow. The person making the stand and willing to die is only doing so because they "know" they're right. 

Now, I'm not asking anyone to compromise their beliefs, and there are some things that are worth dying for. But what the expression says is: "Is this one of them?" Sometimes it is, but a lot of times it isn't. Case in point: a now retired Captain who lost a piece of his department issued uniform wrote a formal three page letter arguing against the fact that his supervisor gave him an informal note with the replacement uniform piece that basically said, "Don't lose this one." He felt he didn't deserve the note, refused to receive it, and was prepared to fight it to the end. Perhaps unforeseen to him was the fact that word about his grandstanding over nothing filtered out to the department and he lost all credibility; he died on that hill.

I was on a hill a few years ago as I was trying to get a subordinate to do their job. They had answered my persistence with an allegation of discrimination and harassment which was determined to be untrue after an internal affairs investigation. In other words, I was right. But I was also sure another allegation was soon to follow if I continued to try to get this person to perform. It was Paula that gave me a dose of "So this is the hill you're willing to die on?" when she told me after the IA investigation, "You're going to end up getting fired over that piece of shit." She was right. That hill was not worth taking. 

So fast forward to last night, when my buddy Shane added something to this expression. He was speaking of a person in our department that I have been having trouble supervising. Shane said about this person; "He's willing to die on every hill."

Damn. That hit me like a ton of bricks. It was so obvious but I hadn't seen it at all. And it completely wraps up exactly how this person thinks. He approaches every situation from the perspective of his own righteousness.

I don't know how I didn't see it before. But more importantly, I can't figure out how to use this new perspective on this individual to change how I supervise  him. How do you get someone to compromise, when they consider themselves to be absolutely right in their convictions, without risking appearing to them to be lacking in any convictions of your own?

Anyone want to help me with that?