Paula Accidentally Creates The Best Adult Film Star Name Ever

You see, Paula was giving me plot synopsis of The Terminal and when she meant to say, "Stanley Tucci" she thoughtlessly said, "Stanley Coochie." (No, it's not a word she uses. I think her tongue just got confused for a second.) But it's so unbelievably funny and it only gets funnier each time I hear it again.

I googled the name expecting someone to have already claimed it for their on-screen persona but no dice. And the real Tucci has been in some movies with titles begging to be porno-fied (the industry act of taking a legitimate movie title and turning it into something porn related. e.g. On Golden Pond becomes On Golden Blonde.)

Here's a short list:
The Public Eye
Big Night
In Too Deep
The Whole Shebang
The Core

Crowded House

Paula and I went to see Crowded House at the Tabernacle Wednesday night and the show was awesome. Jeremy over at the Rockblog has a couple of pictures and a setlist from the show in Nashville.

Anyone that knows anything about my musical tastes knows that Crowded House is my band. If I had to pick one album to listen to for the rest of my life it would be Temple Of Low Men. Hands down. No deliberation.

And I don't know if it plays a part in why I like them so much, but something struck me as particular about this band. You see, probably 99% of the music I listen to was introduced to me by others for the last twenty-five years. There are bands in my collection which are immediately connected in my mind to people that shared their music with me. David I. introduced me to pre-Sledgehammer Peter Gabriel. Paula played Donkey and Cake for me when I wouldn't have listened if given a choice. David L. gave me Nick Drake before Volkswagen did. I can thank Laurie S. for Billy Joel and The B-52's. Brent Cash let me in on the secret of The Kinks. Doob played me the Merry-go-round and Emmitt Rhodes. Keith was instrumental in opening me up to Elvis Costello's genius. And of course, Michael and Jeremy introduced me to a LOT of the music that I cherish to this day: Starlight Mints, Ben Kewller, Fountains of Wayne, etc. The list of people and music could go on and on.

So thank you all, really. But when I said that Crowded House was my band I meant it. I found them on my own. And it shouldn't matter but maybe it does. Maybe it makes it a little more special. Maybe it's the difference between admiring the Hope Diamond and finding it.

Back when I frequented the record store at least four to five hours a week for music and conversation, I couldn't stand to see a Crowded House album in the used bin. The idea that someone didn't want the music was vaguely offensive to me and, I assumed, the band. So I would buy the cd's any time I saw them and then give them to someone I knew that needed to hear this music; a Johnny Appleseed of Crowded House.

So for whatever reason I hold them above all others, I do. Seeing them live is, for me, like paying homage. The Return of the King, and me a loyal subject.

But maybe now I need to be Johnny Appleseed again.

In college, a friend that worked for Capitol Records found a two disc live performance of Crowded House in a box of discs to be thrown away. He knew I liked them and gave it to me. Some of what was on these discs was released years later as extras on singles. But what he gave me was an entire concert, recorded digitally by the record company never intended to be released as a whole. Now, some of you reading this may not realize that most "Live" albums contain stuff that was recorded in a studio afterward to cover up mistakes, missed notes, etc. that come with live performances. This album contains none of those. It's pure live Crowded House.

Here's one of the tracks; in appreciation for her hangin' with me in the heat of the Tabernacle through both encores, I give you Paula's favorite Crowded House song (with band banter), recorded live in London on November 9. 1991.

Enjoy.

The Score

I want to relate two things that happened with the boys just for the sake of telling. There's no life lesson here. There's no "awww" ending. I just wanted to put it down so that I don't forget.

Now, Ben's two upper front teeth have been loose for the last month. The first one was naturally coming out, the second he helped when he dove into the couch and hit the armrest. Either way, it was time for them to come out. But Ben wouldn't pull them. He avoided it like the plague even though he knew it would make him some money, which he loves.

So Saturday night he finally decided that he would let Paula try to pull it. An hour, some screams, and a bucket full of tears later it was still in there but only hanging on by a thread. Paula told him she just wanted to see it but then yanked it good. Ben was beside himself. And there was no way he was going to pull the other one.

Now, once the tooth was out, we could see that the permanent tooth was already showing. He had waited so long that he wasn't going to have to go long without front teeth. (He'll probably have them by Christmas and don't start singing!)

The next day we spent at Paula's brother's house celebrating birthdays. Ben and Luke's cousins were there and they played all afternoon. Well, eventually talk around the table turned to Ben's tooth. Ever the showman, Ben decides that now, in front of everyone, is a good time to let Daddy tie some dental floss around the tooth (like we did, unsuccessfully, the night before.)

Once the floss is on, Ben disappears downstairs. Now, Ben was mad at me the night before even though his Mommy was doing all of the pulling. I'm afraid that the boy has developed a complex about disappointing me (no doubt brought on by my parenting style.) So I just figured he didn't want to do it in front of me and I let him go.

Paula fills me in later on what happened: It seems that Ben and his older cousin decided that the best way to get the tooth out was to tie the other end of the floss to some Nerf suction darts that were loaded in a gun; the idea being that if you fired the gun at the wall the tooth would shoot out of Ben's mouth.

Well I don't have to tell you that the Nerf gun was no where near powerful enough to pull a tooth; even a tooth as unsound as this one was. But they thought it was hilarious. Paula compared it to Jackass (a horrible and wonderful television show) when those guys dare each other to do stupid stuff that's going to hurt them. Apparently, Ben and Jacob took turns upping the ante on what to do with the gun, the floss, and Ben's tooth.

They had whipped themselves into such a state of giggling delirium that when Paula suggested Ben stick the suction dart to the sliding glass door and yank his head away, he did it without hesitation and the tooth came out. And Ben was the most surprised of anyone. Score one for Mommy. And we'll go ahead and give one to Ben because accidents count.

Now, the night before I had given Ben a pouch to put his tooth in for the tooth fairy: a little velvet pouch that I had received a rosary in once. I told him that I had found the bag at an antiques store and that the owner said that it used to belong to a King. Ben bought the story and found himself putting his tooth in the same bag that a King's tooth had been in. His worries about the tooth fairy not finding his tooth evaporated. Score one for Daddy.

But Ben came to me the following day to ask if the antiques dealer "had any evidence." I rambled something about it being bad form to question the antiques dealer. Score another one for Ben.

Luke, on the other hand, doesn't have any loose teeth. But he does have a pretty nasty scab on his right knee from running at the pool. He's had a bandaid on it for a few days now and refuses to get down into the water for a bath. He won't let us touch it and it's getting pretty gross looking, old bandaid and all.

So tonight as Luke was getting ready to take a bath I said, "Hey, how about we take that bandaid off?" Luke calmly shot back, "Hey ,No." Score one for Luke.

iEulogy

There are only a handful of things that come into your world, and touch your life in a dramatic fashion. Some of the things are just flickers of light during a long life, while others are consistent glows for years. For me, my iPod was my consistent glow. It was my best friend for close to 4 years.

God works in mysterious ways. My iPod and I were sitting in my truck just six weeks ago. We were listening to songs, which we did every Saturday afternoon together. Songs about sports, politics and our lives. Then a song about death came up.

My iPod did something that will stay in my mind for a long time. During random play, it played Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road twice in a row. Six weeks later, here we are, minus one. My iPod gone from my life because of a damaged hard drive. I still can’t believe it is gone.

I was never really close to the other components of my stereo system. I had a few tape players growing up, but those were mostly childhood playmates. I had an early cd player and one of the first mp3 players. But we were never very close.

I met my iPod on my birthday and we hit it off immediately. We started hanging out with the same group of artists. I remember feeling so comfortable around it. I had never experienced that before with other components. For the first time, there was a consistent portable media player in my life, which I could turn to for friendship and support.

That friendship and support continued for the next 3 years. We both created playlists of our favorite songs. We shared some wonderful times together. I will never forget them.

I can honestly say that there are only a few hand-held electronic devices that have walked into my life and changed it forever. iPod, I love you. I miss you. You have graced my life more than you will ever know. God bless.

My iPod is survived by an iPod Nano and Shuffle.

I Promise To Do My Best...

Guess who's now the Den Leader of Tiger Cub Pack 563?

Ben's really excited. More so than I can remember him being about anything that doesn't come in wrapping paper. And it's kind of infectious, I guess. Sure, I'm a little anxious and eager about the whole thing. I mean, I can command men inside of a burning building but can I lead a group of six year olds?

And, yeah, I'll have yet another uniform shirt hanging in the closet. It's turning into quite a collection. And I'm sure I'll be as proud to wear this one as the others.

Luke: Grow boy and get on up here.