Sunday, January 28, 2007

Photo Caption Contest: Death In A Red Shirt

Mr. Doob was right when he commented that this one was harder than the rest. I, myself, never came up with anything worth submitting. It was disappointing but time not completely wasted.

After a long silence here are the results:


First Place:
Mr. Doob with "Sir...it's Chekov...he want to show me his 'wessel.'" It was the best of anything submitted for the fact that he used the plural "want."
Score: 85

Second Place:
Mr. Doob with "Sir...it's the Klingon Commander...he wants to uncloak his Bird of Prey."
Score: 80

Third Place:
Jeremy Frye with "Sir, it's an Earth mexican restaurant. They want to know how much for the painting." for bringing the Latino community a little closer to Star Trek. After all, Montalban was the only one they allowed on the ship. And he was banned forever after because he was a "superior intellect."
Score: 70

Calling All ?

So I was recently discussing with a friend where my whole Pop-Up-Video minus the video videos were going. I was worried that my latest attempts were becoming more and more distant from the original concept. My original concept being a one-sided conversation about a song. Kind of like how I used to do in my favorite record store. We would listen and comment about how great that particular part of the song was. Or where you were the first time you heard it. Or who you think of every time you hear it.

Whatever. Point being I don't have anywhere to do that kind of thing now. You can meet up with friends but you usually don't have the ability to listen and concentrate on music in those settings. Or if you do the girls tend to get mad and say that, "you're ruining the party." So I suggested to one such friend that they should submit a video for a favorite song. Then it hit me.

I am now soliciting comments from you for your favorite song or songs. All you have to do is provide the commentary and the time at which the comment should happen in the song. I will convert them to title cards and synch them to the music. That will keep me in it and guarantees a certain amount of consistency. I will also post them under my YouTube account if you don't have one of your own.

I think this is a really exciting idea and hope some of you take me up on it. Just e-mail me your timeline with comments.

P.S. If you want to do your version of a song that's already been done, that's cool too. Just remember; no visuals. The woodcut of the ship for Mariner's Revenge was a mistake. I realize that now.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Human Space Invaders

I just found this on YouTube. I'm still laughing.

Click here.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Showering With Me

In an effort to share a little bit more of what it's like to be me, I thought I would let you peak inside my brain for just a bit. So here's what went through my head while I was showering this morning:


"I am showering........"Showering" isn't what I am.....It's what I'm doing.........It's an adverb.......Hey!.......It's a verb that is describing me...It's an adjective verb...an adverb...why didn't any of my teachers tell me that's where the name came from? It all makes sense now...........Or did they teach me?.....maybe I forgot that they taught me......I forget lots of stuff.......They say you use only four percent of your brain, maybe I just wasn't using that percent......Or is it six?......[the movie] Defending Your Life was funny......Did I just wash my hair?........Do it again just in case.......I wonder why we use so little of our brains?.......Kind of blows the whole theory of evolution to bits.......Why would we evolve a brain so large that we don't use?................Or maybe we do........Maybe our brains are used to do other things we don't know about like extra bandwidth on the internet that gets leased out because it's not getting used..........Maybe my brain is the only thing keeping a waterfall in Brazil going..........Did I just disprove a part of the Theory of Evolution?..........In the shower?!.........Time to rinse."

Honestly, that's how it went almost verbatim. Feel free to leave a comment about your own disjointed thought processes so that I don't feel so alone.

And just for the record, we use all of our brain. The whole partial brain thing is a myth.

Monday, January 22, 2007

The Mariner's Revenge

So my latest "Pop-Up-Video minus the video" video is now available on YouTube. I think it's my weakest yet, not for lack of trying. It's just that when I finished I realized it just wasn't there. But it incorporates some passages from a favorite book that I have been looking to use for the last ten years. Let's just think of it as cleaning out the basement before moving on to better things.

Anyway, just click here.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Just Some Stats

Here are the stats this date for the videos that I have posted to YouTube so far.

The Aquarium Video - 9 views
Suitcase Calling Video - 695 views
Someone Saved My Life Tonight - 864 views
The Gambler - 1005 views

Kenny Rogers? Most popular? Go figure.

Virgin Eyes

Okay, usually you guys jump on the captions pretty quick. Maybe Mr. Doob is right. So I edited the photo for the virgin eyes among us. Anyone that wants to look at how the painting is without the bar, you can see it here.

Any other picture, the gay jokes fly. Show a painting of some hoo-hoo's and they run for the hills.

Photo Caption Contest: The Next Generation

I couldn't resist. Here are the rules:

Most of Uhura's dialoge on Star Trek went something like, "Sir, it's the admiral they want to know our position and...." or "Sir, it's a green girl. She wants to know your position."

So that's it. The caption must be a quote from the Uhura in the painting acting as the communications officer of the Enterprise. She must be trying to "engage" one of the crew, and all must follow this format:

"Sir...it's __________, I/he/she/we/etc. want to _______________."

Contact The Away Team

I don't mean to pick on one person in particular. On the contrary there are a lot of people using them. But last night at basketball practice I finally had enough.

The man that coaches Ben's basketball group always has one of the Blue-Tooth phone earpieces in. Always. I haven't ever seen him without it. And he stresses to the kids that when he blows his whistle they are to be quiet and listen; they are to give him their undivided attention. See the problem here?

How can you stress someone giving you their attention when you have prepared yourself to be interrupted at a moment's notice? And we've all seen these people. You at first think they are talking to you. Then you realize that they are talking to their own ear.

I guess this goes to the whole "How connected should we be?" discussion. I'm as guilty of it as anyone with a cell phone. Even though you can opt not to answer it, the person you are conversing with is distracted wondering if you are going to answer it.

Still, I'm not going to stick one of those damn things in my ear. No, even Uhura took hers out when she wasn't using it. I think I'll wait for the Star Fleet insignia that you wear on your chest and use as a communicator. Engage!


(On a side note. When you search Google images for the name "Uhura" the first, and most popular image is a painting of her nude. The next is a picture of her in fetish boots. What's going on with the Trekkies? Have we underestimated them?)

Monday, January 08, 2007

What Is "Volunteered?"

Ben told us tonight that he is a member of the Smoke Rise Elementary Student Council. We asked him how he became a member. He didn't say anything immediately so we prompted him, "did you volunteer?" He replied, "No. Everyone in class was told to put our heads down on our desks and then Ms. Jordon came over and said, 'Congratulations, you are going to be our Student Council Representative.'"

"Nature vs. Nurture, Zack. And Nature always wins."

Saturday, January 06, 2007

The Insight Of Keanu Reeves

Actually it's his character in a movie that had the insight.

Last shift we went on a reported house fire. We were first on scene and found light smoke showing with the occupant, a large black woman in a muu-muu, standing outside of the open front door. (I only offer these details as I am trying to paint a picture. Don't anybody get their panties in a wad just yet. There's plenty of time for that in a second.)

When I approached her she said, "the kichen's on fire! There's a mice inside!" We go in to find chicken frying on the stove with the oil smoking heavily and about to light off. Pretty standard call. Pretty funny. And no, we never found the "mice."

I cancelled the other responding units and we stuck around to blow the smoke out of the house with our fans. Turns out the woman found a "mice" on a glue trap in her kitchen and, as we say, de-assed the residence. She's going on and on about this "mice" for a few minutes when she slips in that her kids are afraid of it too.

Kids? KIDS?!!!

She had locked them in the back bedroom when the oil started to smoke so that they would be safe. Now let me remind you that this woman thought her house was on fire. HER HOUSE WAS ON FIRE. And she thought the best thing to do with her four children, aged 2 to 7, was to lock them in a bedroom so that, in the off chance that they are at least as smart as their mother and would want to flee a burning house, they wouldn't be able to.

I thought I was going to puke. Literally. My stomach knotted up at the thought of how close this came to being a real tragedy. But anger soon took over and the urge to vomit subsided. Fortunately, it took about ten minutes to blow the house out and this gave me time to cool down before I lectured the "mother."

Another captain suggested that we maybe get family services involved. But I don't think this was an intentional attempt to harm her kids. If that was the case, she would have "called from a neighbor's house after finding her entire house on fire," or something like that.

Keanu Reeves' character in Parenthood said it best; "...you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a [parent]."

Oh, and next time anybody questions why I want to live away from other people, read the above again.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Aquarium Video, Again

Just added the aquarium video to YouTube for those of you who haven't seen it before. It's a little bit better resolution than the previous post.

All of my YouTube videos are now linked in the right column.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Judy's Joke

A plane bound for Melbourne, Australia is closing it's doors having completed boarding when a blonde in coach sees an open seat in First Class. She bolts up the aisle and plops down. A stewardess that witnesses the upgrade goes over to the blonde and explains that she will have to return to the coach section of the plane. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne, and I'm not moving from this seat."

The stunned stewardess finds the First Officer and explains the situation. The First Officer approaches the blonde and asks her to return to her seat in the Coach section of the plane. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne, and I'm not moving from this seat."

The First Officer is shocked by the woman's refusal and returns to the cockpit where he relates the whole thing to the Captain. The Captain says, "No problem, my wife is blonde. I speak blonde. I'll go talk to her."

The First Officer watches as the Captain goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear for a few seconds. A shocked look comes over the blonde's face and she repeatedly apologizes saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't know" as she makes her way back to Coach.

Upon returning to the cockpit, the First Officer asks the Captain what he told the blonde to get her to return to her assigned seat. The Captain replies, "I told her First Class wasn't going to Melbourne."

Pretty funny, right? Well, the women on my wife's side of the family have no inclination to joke telling. I love hearing them tell a joke. So what better opportunity than at a party of Judy's after a glass of wine.

Judy's version of the joke started out in trouble. She desperately wanted to get it right and her attention to detail was her undoing. She at first forgot where the plane was going and looked to me for help. I replied that the destination could be anywhere and that it didn't matter. So she made the plane go to Bangladesh. Well enough, except that the first time the blonde starts her reply she insists that she is going to Paris.

Judy realizes her mistake and makes a course correction mid-flight as they say and seems to be on track. That is until she gets to the punchline: The Captain replies, "I told her this plane wasn't going to Paris."

Actually, it's funnier than the joke was when told right. The best part was the effort Judy put into telling the joke. She desperately wanted to tell it correctly and you could see she was trying hard. It reminded me of Albert Brooks in Finding Nemo taking the joke apart.

Also, Judy is a blonde herself. A blonde messes up a blonde joke. That's a joke in itself.

Say knock-knock, Judy.

I Shall Return

"We feel that it is in the best interest of the department that you should be transferred to Station 6 B Shift. We believe that you are ready to have a command of you own. Further we feel, after careful examination of the other candidates, you are best suited for this assignment. We will be placing a recently promoted Captain at Station 2 so that he may receive the same excellent guidance that you, yourself, have repeatedly stated that you have benefited from."

That's pretty much how the conversation went. It's one of those compliments that you don't ask for.

So for those of you that don't know it yet, I have been transferred from Station 2 in Brookhaven. My new station is Station 6 which is near Flat Shoals Road and I-20.

The change in assignment has weighed heavy on my poor brain for the last week. I have always worked on the north side of the county, and for the last two years I have enjoyed the cushion of working with a senior captain who could guide and help me when I needed it. I am unfamiliar with the territory and the south side of the department is often referred to as a separate department entirely.

The change in assignment brought to mind a scene from a movie. More about that in a second.

Saturday night, Paula and I met David, Tonya, and Brian at the Fox Sports Grill to watch Georgia play. By the end of the night David and I were talking about my new assignment and the nature of leadership. I commented that, "if asked I could not define what makes a good leader."

But as we talked more I realized that I have stored away a few moments from different movies that all relate to leadership (at least in my mind.) So here goes.

1. The scene I mentioned before that popped in my head was from Saving Private Ryan. Captain Miller (Hanks' character) is instructed to take a squad of men on a special detail and that the rest of his men will be folded into other companies. His sergeant, upon hearing this, remarks to the effect that, "they took your company away from you?" to which Captain Miller responds, "It wasn't my company. It was the Army's." It's hard for me to explain, but even though I feel a very close bond with everyone at Station 2, I still understand and agree with what Captain Miller expressed.

2. Another scene from a movie that seems to pop up into my mind consistently while at work is from the film Zulu. For those that are not familiar, Zulu is about a small British outpost of 100 soldiers in Africa that was attacked by 4,000 Zulu soldiers in the latter part of the 19th century. It is a dramatization of a true story. At the beginning, as the soldiers realize the impending battle before them and make preparations, there is a power struggle between the two senior men in the outpost. One of the officers has seniority by only a few months but uses it to take charge of the defenses. A little while later he asks the other officer for assistance enforcing his commands and the exchange goes like this:

Lieutenant John Chard: You didn't say a thing to help, Bromhead.
Lieutenant Gonville Bromhead: Well, when you take command, old boy, you're on your own. One of the first things that the general - my grandfather - ever taught me.

I've always remembered that and think of it often as a reminder to take all of the blame but pass along all of the praise.

3. The third scene comes from the movie U571. About halfway through the film, the crew of a US submarine finds themselves in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean in a German U-Boat with highly coveted code encryption machines which might win the war for the Allies. The man in charge is the Chief Executive Officer of another submarine, which was very suddenly destroyed earlier. When the remaining men begin to question his judgment he replies, "I don't know." His second in command, a salty Harvey Keitel, takes the skipper to the side and chews his officer out saying that words like those can kill a crew. He reminds the skipper that an officer is all-knowing and someone to be feared. He says, "you're the skipper now. And the skipper always knows what to do whether he does or not."

I am always cautious and would prefer to wait until I have amassed sufficient information to make a very educated decision. However, in situations like fires there isn't always time to get the facts. A course of action must be decided and acted on and you pray for the best.

4. The last thing that I will say about leadership is that as a leader you must realize that you are there to serve those under you; not the other way around. That's not from a movie (at least not one that I remember.) I just came to that realization a few months ago. It was something that I understood but hadn't said out loud before. I think that a lot of the bad leaders have this part backward and see their people as something to use.

So that's it. I didn't really have a reason to write this. It was just on my mind. Don't misunderstand me. I haven't learned all of what little I know about leadership from movies. A lot of it came from Captain Craig Guinn, to whom I owe a huge debt, which I probably will never be able to repay. I also owe the men and women of Station 2 B Shift. I love them all. And contrary to some of the officers of this department, I don't think that makes me a bad supervisor.