Why Does Home Depot Hate Me?

So I've got a weed growing rampant in all of the pine straw beds. If you remember I put out 75 bales of pine straw a few weeks ago.

Well, I've got this thing about weeds where I have to know what their official name is so that I can curse them correctly. I took pictures of the weed with my phone and headed off to Hastings Nursery on Peachtree Road in Brookhaven. You see, Hastings is a very expensive nursery but one where you can count on getting quality advice and counsel.

Or so I thought. The dude that helped me ended up telling me that what I had was a "wild geranium." That was his diagnosis after he couldn't find the weed in the weed book. But seeing as how that didn't seem right I tried searching on the internet again (after a completely fruitless search earlier.)

That's when I found this. It's basically an online encyclopedia of weeds. You tell it a few things about your weed using drop down menus and it gives you pictures of the weeds that fit your description.

So what I have is not called "damn weed." That's what I've been calling it but its actual name is Galium Aparine, otherwise known as Catchweed Bedstraw. But here's the rub: IT DOESN'T GROW IN GEORGIA!

This weed is only found in the West. So that means only one thing is possible: THAT DAMN PINE STRAW THAT HOME DEPOT SOLD ME CAME FROM OUT WEST AND HAD CATCHWEED BEDGRASS SEEDS IN IT!!

Why does Home Depot hate me?

What I Learned While In Manhattan

These are a few of the things I learned while on our Eleventh Wedding Anniversary celebrating our Tenth Anniversary:

1. To be a New Yorker is to be unimpressed with everything. (For exception see #10)

2. New Yorkers don't look up, even when presented with some of the most amazing buildings man has created.

3. Taxi car horns are a language in and of themselves.

4. The subway is really easy to use, but the subway station, specifically Grand Central, is really difficult to get out of.

5. There is a Lego version of the Empire State Building for sale but not the Chrysler Building. And it doesn't matter how many different places you go to ask.

6. The island of Manhattan is much longer than I imagined.

7. A mini-fridge with ice-maker in your hotel room sounds like a good idea until you realize that everyone before you has been digging ice out with their hands as well.

8. It's against the law in New York for taxi cab drivers to wear seat belts.

9. New Yorkers are friendly and helpful.

10. To gain entry to the Museum of Modern Art you must shuffle your feet at all times and be impressed with a fluorescent light leaning against a wall or a large canvas painted red.

11. The view from the top of the Empire State Building is THAT impressive.

12. The manager and staff at the Empire State Building are very helpful.

13. Dave the tour guide on the double decker bus will gladly inject his feelings about Rudolph Giuliani and Donald Trump into your tour.

14. Bloom's Deli on the corner of Lexington and 40th makes a mean BLT.

15. Central Park is very popular on Saturday afternoons.

16. It's harder to find the Cash Cab than it looks on television.

17. The Statue of Liberty is very small when viewed from the southern tip of Manhattan.

18. Tap water in Manhattan tastes great.

19. Everyone in New York walks and consequently there really aren't many overweight people.

20. Times Square is impressive for the first five minutes you're there.

Photo Caption Contest: The Awards Show

So, our return to this format was a little disappointing. What seemed like a picture sure to inspire clever comments didn't really. But, every contest has a winner so.....

First Place

Jeremy Frye with "Little Timmy, six, wants one day to get married, but as he looks on at this bizarre ritual, even he can see the symbolism. The groom desperately clings to what little of the power hasn't been wrestled away from him by the bride, as she dutifully saws through his log."

Once again, Jeremy has managed to capture what I was aiming for but missed. He has locked onto the problems of gender roles within marriage and added a strong dose of emasculation.

Minus ten points for cutting off his hoo-hoo. Score = 90. (Give me a break here, we're working on a curve.)

Second Place

David Layman with "We'll call it 'Wonderboy!"' Simple and way off from where everyone else was. I give him points for using a quote from a movie I love. However, he didn't follow the rules of the assignment.

Minus 40 pints for violating the terms of the agreement. Score = 60.

Third Place

The White Whale with "Stop hogging the saw! It's like this every time. Honestly, you're just like your mother." Oh no you di'n't! That's right, we've invoked the "You're just like your mother" clause so early in the marriage the priest isn't even drunk on reception alcamahol yet.

Minus 90 points for giving yourself Third Place. Score = 10.