The Insight Of Keanu Reeves

Actually it's his character in a movie that had the insight.

Last shift we went on a reported house fire. We were first on scene and found light smoke showing with the occupant, a large black woman in a muu-muu, standing outside of the open front door. (I only offer these details as I am trying to paint a picture. Don't anybody get their panties in a wad just yet. There's plenty of time for that in a second.)

When I approached her she said, "the kichen's on fire! There's a mice inside!" We go in to find chicken frying on the stove with the oil smoking heavily and about to light off. Pretty standard call. Pretty funny. And no, we never found the "mice."

I cancelled the other responding units and we stuck around to blow the smoke out of the house with our fans. Turns out the woman found a "mice" on a glue trap in her kitchen and, as we say, de-assed the residence. She's going on and on about this "mice" for a few minutes when she slips in that her kids are afraid of it too.

Kids? KIDS?!!!

She had locked them in the back bedroom when the oil started to smoke so that they would be safe. Now let me remind you that this woman thought her house was on fire. HER HOUSE WAS ON FIRE. And she thought the best thing to do with her four children, aged 2 to 7, was to lock them in a bedroom so that, in the off chance that they are at least as smart as their mother and would want to flee a burning house, they wouldn't be able to.

I thought I was going to puke. Literally. My stomach knotted up at the thought of how close this came to being a real tragedy. But anger soon took over and the urge to vomit subsided. Fortunately, it took about ten minutes to blow the house out and this gave me time to cool down before I lectured the "mother."

Another captain suggested that we maybe get family services involved. But I don't think this was an intentional attempt to harm her kids. If that was the case, she would have "called from a neighbor's house after finding her entire house on fire," or something like that.

Keanu Reeves' character in Parenthood said it best; "...you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a [parent]."

Oh, and next time anybody questions why I want to live away from other people, read the above again.