Joyce: Photo-Caption Contest Update

So I tried to find out more about Joyce. That's when I stumbled across this list of the 100 worst album covers of all time. The comments are great. Our girl Joyce only manages to rate a measely 36 but fear not! There are some real winners on this list. The albums in the nineties wouldn't load the thumbnail of the album cover for me, but if you click on the broken link (the question mark) you can see the cover. Unfortunately, I like a couple of these records.

Joyce: Photo-Caption Contest Update

I've been thinking about it and I don't want to determine the winner myself this time. It's always been fun to award points and, of course, take points away, but I want this to be a little more democratic.

So after the entrys slow to a trickle I will formally close the contest and invite everyone to vote. The rules for voting will be simple: Everyone only gets one vote and you can't vote for yourself. (People without submissions and complete strangers are allowed as well. Buying votes is encouraged.) Got it?

Or should I just judge like I always have?

P.S. Those of you that have missed previous contests can click on the label "Photo Caption Contest" at the bottom of this post and see all of the other contests and awards.

Joyce: Photo-Caption Contest

I was laughing at some of the past photo-caption contest submissions when I came across a suggestion from Jeremy to limit the captions to song lyrics. It's a good idea, but I'm going to limit a little more in the spirit of limiting things.

Good pictures are hard to find. I was going to limit the captions to song or album titles. Then I thought, "why not take a really bad actual album cover and get suggested titles for it?"

So here goes. This is the eponymous release by an artist named Joyce. I think it deserves a real title (although "Joyce" says it all, doesn't it?) You can make one up, or give it the title of another real album or song. Whatever, just make sure it's deserving of Joyce.

Motherboard! How Frikkin' Hard Can This Be?!!!

Over the years I have collected old computers and electronics in the basement. I'm not a pack rat by any means. I didn't keep it for the sake of keeping it; I always intended to fix or reuse the items. It's just that I really have a hard time throwing things away that I think can be used again. But after so many years it has become obvious that there isn't anything to do with them.

That's when I heard about an electronics recycling drive. The county had held a collection but it apparently was only for a certain period. When I called the sanitation department, the woman I spoke with gave me a 1-800 number to call. So I went home and started looking on the internet for opportunities to recycle in the area.

I gave this one company a call and found out the they charged $10 an item to recycle. $10 to recycle a VCR that cost me $30! It would cost me $120 to recycle everything that I wanted to! What's wrong with the world? When I asked the guy why so much he said there were costs involved. I told him that for that much I was inclined to just put it in the landfill like everyone else. He "reminded" me that they were considered hazardous waste. I reminded him that $120 was a lot of money.

So then I find on the internet that Staples accepts electronics for recycling. Cool! I drive all the stuff up there only to find out that they too charge $10 per item. That was conveniently left off of the website.

Reluctantly, my conscience convinces me to hold onto this stuff for a little while longer until I can find someone collecting the stuff for free again. I call the county landfill to find out when and where and they tell me that there is a permanent collection site at the landfill. That's nowhere on the website and the first woman I spoke to at the beginning of this whole mess apparently didn't know about it either.

I ended up taking the stuff down there. At the gate, I asked the woman who signed me out if I could collect from the elderly in my neighborhood, who don't have the means to get down to the landfill. She said that I would have to pay to bring that stuff down for recycling "because it isn't from your own house." I told her that was absurd and ridiculous. I mean, wouldn't the Sanitation Department love to get a little help? Aren't they making some money on the recycling? The more the better? The less in the landfill?

What the hell is going on?!!!

Now I only tell you all of this to illustrate how hard it was to dispose of this stuff properly. It took a lot of time and almost took a lot of money. Recycling should be easy. Knowing that it's the right thing to do often isn't enough (a typical computer can have up to 8 lbs of lead in it.) There's a point when it just doesn't make sense anymore.

So if you've got computers, televisions, electronics of any kind check for an opportunity to re-use or recycle in your area. And if you can't find any I'll take it to the landfill for you.

Projection Not Reflection

I posed a question while in Florida with friends recently and it has occured to me that it might prove interesting to hear the responses from a wider pool. So here goes.

If you could pick one actor or actress to be, based on the parts they have played, who would it be? I'm not talking about who would best play you in a movie about your life. No, this is who you want to be. Think projection, not reflection.

My pick would be Paul Newman. He has aged gracefully (see Robert Redford) and can still hold his own on screen (see Road To Perdition.) He's played some real sons-of-bitches (see Hud) but you find yourself liking him anyway. Besides that, you just don't get any cooler than Cool Hand Luke.

Father's Day

As many of you know, Randy Newman holds a very special place in my heart. His second studio album, Sail Away includes a song called Memo To My Son, which unlike many of his other songs, is apparently sung from his own point of view.

I remember listening to the song a year after my first son was born and thinking about how simple and true the lyrics struck me.

What have you done to the mirror?
What have you done to the floor?
Can't I go nowhere without you?
Can't I leave you alone any more?

I know you don't think much of me
But someday you'll understand
Wait'll you learn how to talk baby
I'll show you how smart I am

A quitter never wins
A winner never quits
When the going gets tough
The tough get going

Maybe you don't know how to walk baby
Maybe you can't talk none either
Maybe you never will, baby
But I'll always love you
I'll always love you

The song seemed especially seasonable at the time. But today when I hear it it seems to belong to this moment, even now that my sons are a little older. I expect that the song will always apply, which is part of its charm for me. Sons will always be getting into things. They will always need advice. And their fathers will always seek their approval.

The line, "Wait'll you learn how to talk baby, I'll show you how smart I am" used to strike me as funny. Now it's a little sad as I realize so much of what I do as a father, so much of what I want everyone around me to see me doing for my sons, I'm actually doing for myself.

That's becuase no matter how much we all realize that it isn't fair, the world tends to judge a father by his children's actions. I fear that all too often I act as though this were true. But it isn't and I shouldn't. There are a lot of bad people in the world that had good parents. So this is one of the rare times when intention trumps results.

My hope as a father, is that my sons will recognize, perhaps when they too have children, that I only intended the best for them. I want to give them everything I have and hope only for their love in return.

Some suggested Father's Day viewing:

The Royal Tenenbaums - There's a moment in the movie, around the scene at the ice cream parlor when Royal finally gets it. It's a magical moment.

Big Fish - A movie about sons understanding their fathers and why they do the things they do.

Finding Nemo - How is it that a cartoon can make me cry? When Nigel the pelican consoles Nemo's father who thinks his son is dead with, "I'm sorry. Truly I am," my heart breaks. How is that possible?

Superman - "All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more... I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father the son. This is all I can send you, Kal-El." You really can't top that.

Road To Perdition - A young boy's discovery of the world that his father lives in and desperately wants to protect his son from. The moment when he tells his son that he fears he is too much like himself...or the scene where Tom Hanks and Paul Newman play piano together; the surrogate father and son. It doesn't get much better than this one. Easily on my top ten of all time.

Field Of Dreams - A movie that pretends it's about baseball.

A Window, Heroism, and A Helicopter Pilot

Common Sense vs. A Window

So here’s what I’m up against. A couple of weeks ago we had a little house fire at four o’clock in the morning. It was pretty far from our station and by the time we got there most of the fire was put out. I and the firefighter with me were assigned to do a primary search of the house looking for victims.

After completing the search and reporting our findings back to command we started to help overhaul the inside of the house. This is the point where we start removing sheetrock around the fire area looking for the places that fire likes to hide.

So my rookie and I (he’s been with the department for about two years but I think you still qualify as a rookie with so little time) are in a little bathroom down the hall from where the fire was. It’s not very likely that there is any fire spread to this area but we have to check anyway. The technique is quite simple; you remove sheetrock and examine the wood behind it. Any sign of smoke or charring and you pull more. You pull sheetrock off of the walls and ceiling until you get to “clean” wood. It’s completely destructive and we often end up doing more damage than the fire while making sure that it’s out. After all, you don’t want to have to come back a second time. That’s a bad feeling, trust me.

So like I said, the fire was out before we got there. We’re pulling ceiling in this bathroom and there is still a lot of smoke in the air. I tell my rookie, “how about opening that window and getting some of this smoke out of here.”

At this point I turn and go back to pulling sheetrock, when CRASH! There goes the window. I turn quickly and see my rook putting his puller through the glass. Once he has broken most of the glass he takes the tool and rakes it around the sides cleaning out all of the glass. Then, as if that wasn’t enough damage, he takes the tool and knocks the entire window out of the wall into the back yard.

I would remind you, THE FIRE IS OUT! There are no exigent circumstances that demand quick and decisive action. I assumed (and we all know what that makes me yet again) that he would simply open the window.

It’s common sense, right? But that’s what I’m up against. For all too many of the younger guys, the mere idea that fire is somewhere in their vicinity is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. A crazy bull that’s got something to prove.

Intentions vs. Results

Perhaps you’re thinking that, like my previous post, I should consider rewarding intentions. And they do have good intentions. They sincerely want to help, but intentions aren’t going to save anyone.

Yes there is something admirable about the intention. But good intentions don’t get the job done. There are a few calls that I will always remember; that I play over and over in my head thinking about what I would have done differently. Calls where intentions fell horribly short.

I hear people labeling firefighters “heroes” all of the time, and my reflex is to cringe somewhere in my head, out of sight. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment or understand how they feel. After all, firefighters have heroes, too. It's just that I don't necessarily agree. But it has caused me to examine what, in my opinion, a hero is.

I recently read John McCain’s book Why Courage Matters where he discusses people who have displayed unbelievable courage, many in the face of death. He argues that our society today carelessly applies the word lessening its impact. The labeling of someone as courageous, because they lost a lot of weight, cheapens the word where it applies to what he considers real courage.

At first I wholly agreed with him. He definitely presented examples of people who have shown immeasurable courage; people who have done things I can’t imagine myself doing. And that’s when I realized what I define as courageous; what I think makes a hero.

Your Hero vs. My Hero

For me, a hero is simply someone who’s willing to do something I am not.

That’s it plain and simple. It could be losing weight if I wasn't willing to do it. So I don’t see firefighting as heroic because it’s something I do. As a firefighter I don’t strive to be a hero. I realized a long time ago that what I want from my career instead is the opportunity to just once make a real difference.

(You see most firefighters are trained to do the same things in similar situations. What I long for is that moment when I can be the difference. A moment when my perspective, my experiences, etc, help me to see a scene differently and dramatically change the outcome for the better. (I know someone who I have witnessed do this twice. It fills me with admiration and, to be perfectly honest, a little envy.) That won’t make me a hero, though. I don’t want that. I don’t even want recognition for making the difference.)

Brave vs. Stupid

An old man at a campground latrine (it’s a long story) once told me that “brave and stupid” where two sides of the same coin. I knew then that he was right. The only difference in the two is how things end up.

And it’s doubly true for heroes. If all they can claim is good intentions then their actions, the chances they take, are more often than not viewed as mere stupidity. And if they succeed? Well then, we consider them brave enough to do something we might not have.

You know years ago, there was a shooting in the food court of Perimeter Mall. If I remember correctly, the man who did the shooting said that he heard voices that told him to do it. He was disarmed by a man who simply walked up to him and got him to put down the gun. This man saved an unknown number of people through his simple action. Afterwards he refused to speak to the news and disappeared back into his life. I’ve often wondered, working and living in the area for a period, whether I unknowingly met him. How amazing would that be? This guy made the difference and was a hero at the same time.

Let’s bring it back to firefighting and talk a little about the rescue at the Fulton Cotton Mill fire a few years ago. If you remember, the entire mill, built of heavy timber and in the process of being converted into lofts, went up in flames trapping the crane operator at the top of his crane above the inferno. An Atlanta firefighter tethered himself below a helicopter and was lowered to the crane where he rescued the crane operator. It was very dramatic and was shown live on local television (and on CNN if I’m remembering correctly.)

Months later, I was approached at work by representatives of a church group who wanted to give an award to a “hero.” They asked if they could give it to Matt Mosley, the Atlanta firefighter who had affected the rescue. (Matt Mosley, after the rescue, had been very visible. He was given a vacation to Disney World for his family and was all over the news for a few weeks.) I told them that would be nice but suggested instead that they give the award to the helicopter pilot.

You see, even though it took guts to get on the end of that line I know that there were probably ten other firefighters ready to do it. But what most people don’t know is that they tried to get one of the many news helicopters at the scene to fly over the fire for the rescue and they all refused. It was just too dangerous. But the Department of Natural Resources pilot volunteered. He did what no one else would do. Without him the crane operator was dead. He’s the hero of that story. And I bet you don’t know his name.

W-I-N-N-E-R

I have to say that the one that made me laugh the hardest was from Chosen©er with, "2-4-6-8, let's all go re-caffeinate!"

Thanks to everyone else that contributed.