Father's Day

As many of you know, Randy Newman holds a very special place in my heart. His second studio album, Sail Away includes a song called Memo To My Son, which unlike many of his other songs, is apparently sung from his own point of view.

I remember listening to the song a year after my first son was born and thinking about how simple and true the lyrics struck me.

What have you done to the mirror?
What have you done to the floor?
Can't I go nowhere without you?
Can't I leave you alone any more?

I know you don't think much of me
But someday you'll understand
Wait'll you learn how to talk baby
I'll show you how smart I am

A quitter never wins
A winner never quits
When the going gets tough
The tough get going

Maybe you don't know how to walk baby
Maybe you can't talk none either
Maybe you never will, baby
But I'll always love you
I'll always love you

The song seemed especially seasonable at the time. But today when I hear it it seems to belong to this moment, even now that my sons are a little older. I expect that the song will always apply, which is part of its charm for me. Sons will always be getting into things. They will always need advice. And their fathers will always seek their approval.

The line, "Wait'll you learn how to talk baby, I'll show you how smart I am" used to strike me as funny. Now it's a little sad as I realize so much of what I do as a father, so much of what I want everyone around me to see me doing for my sons, I'm actually doing for myself.

That's becuase no matter how much we all realize that it isn't fair, the world tends to judge a father by his children's actions. I fear that all too often I act as though this were true. But it isn't and I shouldn't. There are a lot of bad people in the world that had good parents. So this is one of the rare times when intention trumps results.

My hope as a father, is that my sons will recognize, perhaps when they too have children, that I only intended the best for them. I want to give them everything I have and hope only for their love in return.

Some suggested Father's Day viewing:

The Royal Tenenbaums - There's a moment in the movie, around the scene at the ice cream parlor when Royal finally gets it. It's a magical moment.

Big Fish - A movie about sons understanding their fathers and why they do the things they do.

Finding Nemo - How is it that a cartoon can make me cry? When Nigel the pelican consoles Nemo's father who thinks his son is dead with, "I'm sorry. Truly I am," my heart breaks. How is that possible?

Superman - "All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more... I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father the son. This is all I can send you, Kal-El." You really can't top that.

Road To Perdition - A young boy's discovery of the world that his father lives in and desperately wants to protect his son from. The moment when he tells his son that he fears he is too much like himself...or the scene where Tom Hanks and Paul Newman play piano together; the surrogate father and son. It doesn't get much better than this one. Easily on my top ten of all time.

Field Of Dreams - A movie that pretends it's about baseball.