I'm Awesome

Yesterday, I had to have my annual biometric screening at work in order to keep my health care insurance. They weigh you, measure your height and waist, and prick your finger. And from that five minute interaction, the nurse will tell you "how you're doing."

Incidentally, they listed my height as 5' 8". When she told me that, I told her I had been 5' 10" all my life so she measured me again and came up with the same. Screw it. Whatever.

So after all of that, she started to read off my results. It went something like this:

Nurse: Your cholesterol is well within the range where we want it. Your HDL cholesterol is good. Your triglycerides look great. Your blood glucose is a very healthy 82, and your blood pressure is a textbook 120/80.

Here's where we took a left turn.

Nurse: Based on your height and weight, your body mass index is 34. That puts you in the high risk category.

Me: High risk for what? Being awesome?

Me in the fountains of Centennial Park
at the end of my first GoRuck Challenge.
17 miles carrying 35 lbs for 13 hrs left me
feeling pretty unhealthy. And I didn't know it
was the end when this picture was being taken.

I mean really. What the hell?!! I basically just aced your test, but somehow have been put in the same category as all of the truly unhealthy folks. There wasn't anything worse on her chart than "High Risk." That 800 lb bedridden person they make reality television shows about? Yep, he and I are in the same health category.

Me: You just said all of my numbers are perfect, right? I know I need to lose some weight, but I can run 6 miles in 60 minutes. To be perfectly honest, I think your chart is a load of crap.

I thanked her, told her I didn't blame her, and that I knew she was just reading off what she was required to say.

At this point, I could start on a rant about what is wrong with health care or health insurance. As a matter of fact, some of you reading this may be tempted to do the same in your comments. But follow my lead. Count to ten, and let's move on to talking about really stupid stuff like I usually do.