Another Dam Photo Caption Contest Is Closed. Jeremy?

Here are the Beaver Suicide Note winners according to her Honor Judge Paula:

First Place:
Boom Boom Becca for "Been nice gnawing you."

Simple and hilarious and first to post. Minus five points for the pun. Minus another five points for the shameless begging. Overall score = 90.

Second Place:
Wm. for "Marjorie, If you're reading this then you should know that it was your persistent nagging that led me to take such drastic measures. Your neverending pushing to keep up with the Muckrucks and that ostentatious upstream monstrosity they call a lodge has driven me to this. I've also seen the way you watch him slap-pack mud and sticks with that tail of his. Did you think I didn't know? So yes, it is our tree that I have chosen to die under and that you will find me beneath.

You were, at least, a good mother. Take care of the kits. There is money in the old stump by the rock that I was secretly saving. I think Sara is going to need braces in a few years.

Byron

P.S. The tree didn't crush my skull as planned but I am now trapped. If you don't find me first it will be a long slow death..........not unlike our marriage............ bitch."

Minus 17 points for being married to the judge. Overall score = 83

Third Place:
Mr. Doob for "To whom it may concern, I can no longer live with the knowledge that beavers, as a rule, are damaging the ecology of this planet. I recently had my Greenpeace membership revoked.Where is an ecologically conscious mammal to go? Let this act serve as a message to beavers of the world.

Wood is Murder.

Spotted owls be damned.

Yours in martyrdom,
A. Beaver"

Minus 20 points for naming the beaver "A. Beaver." Overall score = 80

Honorable Mention:
Chosen©er for "Forgive me, Wally."

Minus 45 points for winning the last two contests. Overall score = 55

Honorable Mention:
Helen the Greek for "I didn't see this coming."

Minus 72 points for a suicide note in which the writer is surprised he is dead. Overall score = 28

Congratulations to you all. You will all be receiving your prize COD. Have $83.56 ready (and it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a little something for tip.)